As for Me and My House
- Al Felder
- Dec 26, 2025
- 6 min read
By Al Felder
“Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and truth… choose you this day whom ye will serve… but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:14–15).
Joshua’s words were not a slogan. They were the settled conviction of a man who had lived long enough to know what happens when God is not taken seriously. He had seen God’s power in Egypt, walked through the Red Sea, served faithfully under Moses, and urged Israel to obey when others trembled. God rewarded his faithfulness by allowing him to lead Israel into the Promised Land.
And when Joshua reached the end of his life, he spoke with urgency. He knew difficult days were ahead, and he knew this truth: the only way for God’s people to be successful is for the family to be strong in its commitment to the Lord.
The church faces challenges today just as Israel did then. The answer has not changed. Homes must return to God’s pattern, and parents must train their children to do the same. The choice Joshua set before Israel still stands before every family: Will we serve the Lord?
God established the family before any nation or government
After God completed His works of creation, He ordained marriage. Jesus said that “from the beginning” God made them male and female, joining husband and wife into one flesh, and commanded, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6–9).
Long before there was a state or man-made government, God sanctioned marriage. Through this, God made the family unit the most essential component of any society—and of the church.
God has patterns for nations and patterns for the church, but before any of those, God gave a pattern for the family. As members of the body of Christ, we must make sure we are abiding by that pattern.
Marriage exists for God’s glory
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife… This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31–32).
Marriage is designed to represent the covenant relationship between Christ and His church. Its highest meaning and ultimate purpose is to put that relationship on display.
That means the roles in marriage are not arbitrary:
The wife represents the church, gladly submitting to Christlike leadership.
The husband represents Christ, loving sacrificially and leading for his wife's benefit.
Many men can imagine dying for their wives in a dramatic moment—but the real test is the small daily moments. Do you die to self for your wife in ordinary life? Do you put aside your preferences and ambitions for her good? That is the kind of love that brings honor to God.
When a man and woman marry, they covenant before God to become “one flesh”—their lives woven together in a comprehensive oneness: joys, difficulties, triumphs, failures, possessions, and bodies.
Cleave: the covenant pursuit that holds a home together
In this new relationship, Scripture says a husband and wife must cleave to one another. The word carries the idea of pursuing hard—being firmly joined in a permanent and abiding union. Only the pursuit of God should be greater than a husband and wife’s pursuit of one another.
Husbands should consider the picture they are painting for a watching world. If a husband fails to reflect Christ’s love and leadership, he mars the image he is called to portray. Christ’s headship is perfect—wise, proper, and entirely devoted to the good of His bride. A husband is called to follow that example.
God made the wife to be a strong helper, not a passive bystander
In creation, God said something was “not good” before sin ever entered the world: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18).
A wife helps her husband with all her gifts and abilities. She contributes ideas and suggestions. She offers wisdom and insight. She prays and encourages. She does these things not to take over leadership, but to strengthen and support her husband in his God-given responsibility.
And when a difference of opinion arises, she does not manipulate to get her way—she submits by following his lead.
Marriage, as God intended it, should draw both husband and wife closer to Him and provide the most significant opportunity for self-denial and obedience. “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:4–5).
Children must be taught diligently—and it starts in the home
When children are born into the home, God’s pattern is clear: parents must diligently teach His word.
“And these words… shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children… when thou sittest… when thou walkest… when thou liest down… when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6–9).
This is not occasional, half-hearted instruction. It is careful, persistent teaching. Both the father and mother have a role to play.
The father’s sobering responsibility
God has placed the father as the spiritual head of the house. A sobering truth is that many children form their earliest picture of God’s leadership by what they see in their father.
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
A father must be careful: harshness and constant criticism can produce resentment, while absence produces a home without steady authority. Either extreme can damage a child’s respect for authority and—ultimately—their respect for God. That is why diligent fathers are desperately needed.
The mother’s vital role
Scripture teaches that a woman is to guide the house (1 Timothy 5:14) and be a keeper at home (Titus 2:5), meaning she manages, guards, and keeps the household.
This does not mean Scripture forbids a woman from work outside the home or from receiving wages. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is described as industrious, thoughtful, and productive—buying and selling, overseeing responsibilities, and using her strength wisely—yet her world revolves around the home.
God’s will is clear: a mother must put the home above everything else in this world. And one of the best gifts parents can give children is undivided attention—turning off distractions and giving time, teaching, and presence.
If parents do not transmit knowledge of God to the next generation, it will be lost.
One pattern the church has neglected: helping children find a godly spouse
One of the most neglected patterns is the guidance of children in selecting a spouse. Too often, the church is becoming indistinguishable from the world in how it pursues relationships. The world’s pattern has produced sexual activity before marriage and infidelity and divorce after marriage. If God’s people follow the same pattern, they will suffer the same consequences—and the pain will spill into the body of Christ.
Modern dating is commonly initiated by the young man or young woman, conducted outside the oversight of family authority, and may not even have marriage as its goal.
The biblical pattern is different: the relationship begins with the young man going to the young woman’s father first, continues under parental oversight, and culminates in marriage.
This requires something many homes lack: a strong parent-child relationship—cultivated so that children respect and honor parental wisdom.
Dating “just for fun” is dangerous. “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27). When young people pursue relationships for thrills, they awaken passions that do not belong outside marriage.
Instead, youth should prioritize seeking God: “Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth” (Ecclesiastes 12:1). Before pursuing a relationship with another person, pursue a relationship with God. Use youthful energy and time for the kingdom, being an example in word, conduct, faith, and purity (1 Timothy 4:12).
Biblical “job descriptions” for a future spouse
When the time comes to choose a spouse, God’s word gives clear expectations.
A young woman must be:
a Christian,
devoted to serving God and learning His ways,
respectful of biblical leadership,
willing to make the home a priority.
A young man must be:
a Christian,
committed to biblical leadership,
a protector,
a provider.
These are not shallow preferences. They are foundational qualifications for the roles of wife and husband that Scripture assigns.
A warning from Israel: knowledge can be lost in a few generations
Joshua died at 110. Then the next generation of leaders died. And then came one of the most sobering statements in Scripture:
“There arose another generation… which knew not the Lord, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel” (Judges 2:10).
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