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By Al Felder Children need to learn contentment. They are growing up in a world built around dissatisfaction. Advertisements tell them they need more. Social media shows them what others have. Entertainment teaches them to chase attention, experiences, possessions, and approval. Comparison begins early, and when it is not corrected, it can grow into envy, greed, resentment, ingratitude, and constant unhappiness. Contentment is not natural; it must be taught. A child may believe happiness depends on getting the newest toy, wearing the right clothes, having more freedom, receiving more attention, or being treated exactly as he expects. If contentment depends on circumstances, it will always remain fragile. Paul wrote, “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11). Contentment is learned. That means parents have a responsibility to teach it. Children need to understand that peace does not come from having everything they want. It comes from trusting God, receiving His blessings with gratitude, governing desire, and learning that the soul needs more than possessions. Contentment Begins With Trust in God True contentment begins with confidence in God. Children need to learn that God knows what they need. He provides life, food, shelter, family, opportunity, and every spiritual blessing found in Christ. He may not give a child everything they want, but He remains good. Jesus said, “Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things” (Matthew 6:32). In that context, He taught His disciples not to be consumed with anxiety over food, drink, and clothing. Instead, they were to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Children should begin learning this priority early. They need to know that God’s kingdom matters more than possessions. Righteousness matters more than popularity. Faithfulness matters more than comfort. Heaven matters more than earthly success. A child who trusts God can learn to say, “I may not have everything I want, but God has given me what I need, and I can still serve Him faithfully.” Contentment Is Not the Same as Having No Desires Contentment does not mean children should never want anything. Desire itself is not always sinful. A child may want to improve, learn, work, save, give, or achieve something good. He may hope for a particular gift or opportunity. The problem begins when desire becomes controlling. James 4:2 says, “You lust and do not have.” Wrong desire creates conflict when the heart believes it must have something in order to be satisfied. Parents must teach children to distinguish between a desire and a demand. A desire says, “I would like that.” A demand says, “I must have that.” A desire can accept no. A demand becomes angry. A desire can wait. A demand complains. A desire remains under God’s authority. A demand tries to rule the home. Children need to learn that wanting something does not make them entitled to it. Comparison Destroys Contentment Many children become discontent because they compare. They compare toys, clothes, homes, vacations, talents, privileges, grades, appearance, friends, and attention. They may say, “Everyone else has one,” “Their parents let them,” or “Why do they get more than I do?” Comparison turns blessings into reasons for resentment. Second Corinthians 10:12 warns about those who compare themselves with others and says they “are not wise.” Comparison is dangerous because it shifts the child’s attention away from God’s gifts and toward what someone else has. Parents should teach children that different families make different decisions. Different people have different abilities, opportunities, and responsibilities. Fairness does not always mean sameness. One child may have more possessions, another may have greater ability, and another may receive a particular opportunity. None of those things determines spiritual worth. A child should learn to ask, “What has God given me, and how should I use it faithfully?” rather than, “Why do I not have what someone else has?” Contentment Requires Gratitude Gratitude and contentment belong together. A grateful child notices blessings. A discontented child notices mainly what is missing. Parents must train children to see what God has provided. First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Thanksgiving is not only for pleasant moments. It is a Christian habit. Parents can teach gratitude by helping children name blessings: Food on the table. A safe place to live. Clothing. Family. Health. Brethren. Worship. The Bible. Answered prayers. Opportunities to serve. The hope of eternal life. Children should learn to say thank you to God and to people. They should not receive gifts, service, food, or help as though they are owed. Gratitude turns attention toward grace. Parents Should Not Feed Entitlement Sometimes parents unintentionally teach discontentment. They may give children nearly everything they request. They may rush to prevent disappointment. They may reward complaining. They may buy peace instead of correcting selfishness. They may believe love means never saying no, but children need to hear no: They need to wait. They need to save. They need to work. They need to live without some things they want. They need to learn that disappointment is not a disaster. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” A child who never learns restraint remains vulnerable to appetite and impulse. Parents should not feel guilty for setting wise limits. Refusing an unnecessary purchase may teach more than buying it. Delaying a privilege may build patience. Requiring work may teach stewardship. Allowing a child to experience disappointment may strengthen self-control. Love does not require feeding every desire. Contentment Requires Learning to Wait Patience is part of contentment. Children often want things immediately. They may struggle to wait for food, gifts, attention, privileges, answers, or opportunities. A child who always receives instant satisfaction may never develop endurance. Romans 8:25 says, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Waiting is part of faithful living. Parents can teach children to wait in ordinary ways: Save money before buying. Finish work before recreation. Wait for a turn. Do not interrupt. Pray and wait for an answer. Accept that some desires may never be fulfilled. Waiting teaches children that desire does not control time. It also prepares them to trust God when His answers do not come immediately. Contentment Protects Against Envy Discontentment easily becomes envy. Envy resents another person’s blessing. It does not merely say, “I wish I had that.” It says, “I do not want them to have it.” Cain envied Abel’s acceptance before God. Saul envied David’s success. Religious leaders envied Jesus. Envy repeatedly produced hatred and destruction. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones.” Children should learn to rejoice when others receive good things: If a sibling receives a gift, be glad. If a friend succeeds, congratulate him. If someone has a talent, appreciate it. If another person receives praise, do not become bitter. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” That is difficult for a discontented heart, but it is necessary Christian training. Contentment Protects Against Greed Children must also learn that possessions do not give life its meaning. Jesus warned, “One’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses” (Luke 12:15). That lesson is urgently needed in a materialistic world. A child may begin to think worth is measured by what he owns. He may care more about brands, devices, clothes, or status than character. He may use people, manipulate parents, or become ungrateful when desires are denied. Parents should teach that money and possessions are tools, not masters. Children should learn to save, give, share, and use things wisely. They should learn that blessings create responsibility. They should learn that having more does not make someone better, and having less does not make someone less valuable. First Timothy 6:6 says, “Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” That is a different measure of wealth. Godliness joined with contentment is greater than material abundance without spiritual faithfulness. Contentment Does Not Mean Laziness Some may confuse contentment with a lack of ambition. Biblical contentment does not mean refusing to work, improve, plan, or pursue good goals. Paul was content, but he was not lazy. He labored, served, sacrificed, and pressed forward faithfully. Children should learn to be content with what they have while still being diligent with what God has given them. A child may be thankful for his ability and still practice to improve. He may be content with his possessions and still save wisely. He may be grateful for his current opportunities while still preparing for greater responsibilities. Contentment says, “I can be faithful here.” Laziness says, “I do not need to try.” Those are not the same. Parents Must Model Contentment Children notice whether parents are content. They hear complaints about money, possessions, jobs, homes, vehicles, vacations, appearance, and other people. They notice whether parents are always talking about what they wish they had. They see whether shopping, status, and comparison control the home. If parents constantly express dissatisfaction, children will learn to be dissatisfied. Hebrews 13:5 says, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have.” Parents must model that spirit. This does not mean never discussing needs or goals. It means doing so without greed, bitterness, or envy. Children should hear their parents thank God. They should see parents give generously. They should see them live within their means. They should hear them rejoice in another person’s blessing. They should see that worship and family matter more than material display. Contentment must be visible. Contentment Must Be Taught During Disappointment The best time to teach contentment is often when children are disappointed: A desired gift is not received. A plan changes. A friend gets the opportunity. A sibling receives attention. A family cannot afford something. The answer is no. These moments reveal the heart. Parents should listen, but they should not automatically remove the disappointment. They can acknowledge the feeling while teaching truth. “I know you wanted that, but we cannot have everything we want.” “It is all right to feel disappointed, but it is not right to complain or become angry.” “Let us thank God for what we do have.” “Someone else’s blessing does not take away yours.” "Your joy cannot depend on getting this.” These conversations help children learn to process disappointment without becoming ruled by it. Contentment Is Learned Through Giving Giving is one of the best ways to fight selfishness and discontentment. A child who gives learns that possessions are not the center of life. He learns to see others' needs. He learns joy in service. He learns that blessings are meant to be shared. Acts 20:35 records the words of Jesus: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Parents can involve children in giving. Choose toys or clothing to share. Help prepare food for someone. Give to a person in need. Write a note of encouragement. Offer time and service. Practice hospitality. Giving loosens the grip of greed and strengthens gratitude. Contentment Helps Children Face Hardship Life will not always be comfortable. Children may eventually face financial difficulties, illness, disappointment, loss, rejection, or changes in plans. If they have been taught that happiness depends on favorable circumstances, hardship may destroy them. Paul said he knew how to be abased and how to abound. He had learned contentment in every condition (Philippians 4:12). That is the goal: not raising children who are only peaceful when life goes their way, but children who remain faithful when circumstances change. Contentment gives stability: It says, “God is still God.” “His word is still true.” “I still have duties.” “I can still worship.” “I can still serve.” “I can still hope.” That kind of heart is prepared for life. Contentment Points Children Toward Eternal Treasure Parents should teach children that earthly things do not last: Clothes wear out. Toys break. Money can be lost. Houses decay. Popularity fades. Bodies grow old. Jesus said, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth,” but “lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19-20). Children need an eternal perspective. They should learn that the greatest blessings cannot be purchased: forgiveness, truth, faith, fellowship with God, a faithful family, a good conscience, hope, and eternal life. A child who treasures heaven will be less controlled by earth. Teaching Contentment in Everyday Life Contentment is taught in ordinary moments: It is taught when a child hears no. It is taught when he must wait. It is taught when another child receives something. It is taught when the family gives thanks. It is taught when possessions are shared. It is taught when disappointment is handled without complaining. It is taught when parents choose spiritual priorities over material display. These moments shape the heart. The world will keep telling children they need more. Parents must teach them how to say, “God has blessed me. I can be thankful. I can be faithful. I do not need everything I want in order to have joy.” That is contentment. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children the difference between a desire and a demand? Do I help my children recognize and resist comparison, envy, and greed? Am I willing to say no and allow appropriate disappointment rather than satisfy every desire? Do my children see gratitude and contentment in the way I speak about money, possessions, work, and other people? What practical opportunity can I use this week to teach waiting, gratitude, giving, or contentment?

By Al Felder Children need to learn how to handle anger. Anger is powerful. It can affect words, actions, judgment, relationships, and spiritual decisions. A child who is not taught to govern anger may learn to shout, insult, strike, blame, threaten, withdraw, destroy, or seek revenge whenever he does not get his way. Parents must not treat uncontrolled anger as merely a personality trait. Statements such as “He just has a temper,” “She is strong-willed,” or “That is simply how he expresses himself” can excuse behavior that needs correction. Children must learn that strong feelings do not remove responsibility. Anger may explain a temptation, but it does not justify sin. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and do not sin.” That verse shows that anger itself is not always sinful. There are times when anger is connected to injustice, cruelty, dishonesty, or rebellion against God. Anger becomes sinful when it rules the heart, distorts judgment, produces cruel words, leads to revenge, or refuses to be corrected. Parents must teach children not merely to stop looking angry, but to bring anger under the authority of God. Anger Is Not Always Sinful Children should learn that anger is not automatically wrong. Jesus showed anger when He saw hard hearts and sinful conduct. Mark 3:5 says He looked upon certain people “with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts.” His anger was not selfish, uncontrolled, or cruel. It was connected to righteousness and grief over sin. This helps children understand the difference between righteous concern and selfish rage. A child may rightly feel upset when someone is mistreated. He may feel angry when someone lies about him. He may be disturbed by cruelty, bullying, dishonesty, or injustice. Those feelings must still be governed, but the feelings themselves are not necessarily sinful. Parents should help children ask why they are angry: Am I angry because something truly wrong happened? Am I angry because I did not get my way? Am I angry because I was corrected? Am I angry because someone else received attention? Am I angry because I feel embarrassed? Am I angry because I want control? These questions help children examine the heart. Most childhood anger is not righteous anger. It is frustrated self-will. Anger Often Reveals a Desire for Control Children commonly become angry when they cannot control the situation. They may be told no. They may be required to stop playing. They may have to share. They may be corrected. They may lose a game. They may have to wait. They may not receive what they expected. In those moments, anger often says, “I should be in control.” James 4:1 asks, “Where do wars and fights come from among you?” The answer points to desires that battle within. Many conflicts begin because people want something and do not receive it. Children need to learn that they are not entitled to control everyone around them. They do not have the right to become cruel simply because someone disagrees, denies a request, or interrupts a plan. Parents should teach children to recognize selfish anger. A child who explodes when told "no" is not merely disappointed; he may be demanding control. A child who becomes furious when corrected may be resisting authority. A child who attacks others after losing may be ruled by pride. Anger often exposes what the heart wants most. Children Must Learn to Be Slow to Anger The Bible repeatedly praises restraint. James 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” Children need to learn this pattern: Listen first. Speak slowly. Do not react immediately. Do not assume the worst. Do not answer anger with anger. Do not let the first feeling make the final decision. Proverbs 14:29 says, “He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly.” Quick anger is not strength. It is often foolishness without restraint. Parents can teach children practical ways to slow down. A child may need to stop speaking, sit quietly, breathe, pray, move away from the conflict, or ask for help. These actions do not solve the heart problem on their own, but they create space for self-control and wisdom. A child should learn that he does not have to obey anger. Angry Words Can Cause Deep Harm Children must learn that words spoken in anger matter. A child may say, “I hate you,” “You are stupid,” “I wish you were gone,” or “Nobody likes you.” Later, he may claim that he did not mean it, but words can still wound even when spoken impulsively. Proverbs 12:18 says, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” Angry words can pierce like weapons. Parents must not dismiss cruel speech as harmless venting. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.” That command applies even when emotions are strong. Children need to learn that anger does not give permission to insult, mock, curse, threaten, or belittle others. Parents should correct angry speech clearly: You may be upset, but you may not speak with contempt. You may explain what happened, but you may not call names. You may ask for help, but you may not threaten. You may disagree, but you must speak respectfully. These boundaries teach that emotions must remain under moral control. Physical Aggression Must Be Corrected Anger can also become physical. Children may hit, kick, push, bite, throw objects, slam doors, damage property, or act aggressively toward siblings and parents. These actions must not be ignored. Genesis 4 records the danger of anger in Cain. God warned him that sin was lying at the door and that he must rule over it. Cain refused, and his anger grew into murder. The lesson is serious: uncontrolled anger does not remain small simply because it begins with a feeling. Parents must intervene when anger becomes physical. The child must be stopped, corrected, and taught safer ways to respond. Aggression should never be treated as acceptable because the child was provoked. Another person’s wrong does not authorize violence. Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil.” Children must learn that they are responsible for their response, even when someone else behaved badly first. Anger Must Not Become Bitterness Some anger explodes quickly, while other anger is stored. A child may become silent, distant, resentful, or determined never to forgive. He may replay the offense, imagine revenge, or use past wrongs as weapons in future arguments. This kind of anger can become bitterness. Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you.” Bitterness is not safer simply because it is quiet. It can harden the heart and poison relationships. Parents should help children talk honestly about hurt. They should listen carefully, establish what happened, correct the wrong, and guide the child toward forgiveness. Parents must also teach children not to nurture resentment. A child should not be allowed to keep punishing someone who has apologized and changed. He should not repeatedly bring up forgiven wrongs to gain control. Anger must be addressed before it becomes part of the child’s identity. Parents Should Teach the Difference Between Anger and Rebellion Not every emotional outburst is the same. A tired young child may become overwhelmed. An older child may feel genuine hurt. Another child may be openly resisting authority. Parents need wisdom to distinguish weakness, immaturity, distress, and rebellion. Compassion must not become an excuse for sin. A child may be tired and still need correction for hitting. He may be frustrated and still need correction for disrespect. He may feel misunderstood and still need to tell the truth. He may be embarrassed and still need to obey. Parents can acknowledge the feeling without approving the behavior. “I understand that you are disappointed, but you may not shout.” “I know that hurt you, but you may not hit.” “You may be angry, but you must still obey.” This teaches children that feelings are real but not sovereign. Correction Should Not Be Given in Uncontrolled Anger Parents must also examine their own anger. It is difficult to teach self-control while correcting children with shouting, insults, threats, humiliation, or physical harshness. Parents who discipline in rage may teach children that anger gives authority to hurt others. James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Uncontrolled parental anger does not produce godly character. Parents should correct firmly, but they must remain governed. If a parent is too angry to speak wisely, it may be better to pause briefly before addressing the matter. That pause should not become neglect, but correction should come from purpose rather than fury. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke children to wrath. Parents can provoke anger through unfairness, inconsistency, ridicule, favoritism, impossible expectations, or refusing to listen. Parents must not demand from children the self-control they refuse to practice themselves. Parents Must Model Repentance Even faithful parents sometimes have misplaced anger. They may speak too sharply, judge too quickly, or respond out of irritation rather than wisdom. When that happens, they should admit it. A parent can say, “I was right to correct what you did, but I was wrong in the way I spoke. I should not have shouted. Please forgive me.” This does not erase the child’s wrongdoing. It shows that both parent and child remain accountable to God. Children need to see that repentance is not weakness. It is the proper response to sin. James 5:16 says, “Confess your trespasses to one another.” A parent who apologizes sincerely teaches humility, truthfulness, and responsibility. Anger Should Lead to Righteous Action, Not Sinful Reaction When anger is connected to something truly wrong, children should learn how to respond properly. If someone is being bullied, seek help. If someone lies, tell the truth. If a sibling is mistreated, defend without revenge. If a rule is unfair, speak respectfully. If someone sins, address the matter according to Scripture. Righteous anger should move toward truth, protection, correction, and restoration. It should not become hatred, violence, or vengeance. Jesus cleansed the temple because God’s house was being dishonored. His action was purposeful and righteous, not a loss of control. Children must learn that simply feeling strongly does not make their reaction right. Even when the cause is just, the response must still please God. Anger Must Be Resolved Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Anger should not be allowed to remain unresolved and grow. This does not mean every complex conflict can be completely solved before bedtime. It does mean anger should not be deliberately fed, protected, or used as an excuse to withdraw indefinitely. Parents should teach children to address conflict: Tell the truth. Listen. Admit wrong. Apologize. Forgive. Make restitution where needed. Seek help when the matter cannot be resolved alone. These habits prevent anger from becoming a permanent division. Anger Requires Forgiveness Children who are hurt must learn to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean pretending nothing happened. It does not mean removing all consequences or instantly restoring trust, but it does mean rejecting revenge and refusing to hold the offense as a weapon. Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.” Forgiveness is one of the greatest protections against bitterness. Parents should help children understand that they may need time to calm down, but they cannot choose hatred as a way of life. They must learn to let go of vengeance and seek peace, where repentance makes reconciliation possible. Anger Points to the Need for a Changed Heart Parents must not be satisfied with merely stopping an outburst. The deeper goal is a changed heart. A child may learn to outwardly suppress anger while harboring pride, resentment, or a desire for revenge. He may become quiet but not peaceful. He may avoid punishment without learning righteousness. Jesus taught that evil actions come from the heart. Anger must therefore be addressed at its source: What did the child want? What was he afraid of? What did he believe he deserved? Why did the correction offend him? What truth from Scripture should govern the heart? Parents should teach children to pray for help, remember God’s mercy, submit desires to His will, and choose love over retaliation. Self-control is not simply emotional management. It is part of spiritual character. Teaching Children to Respond Like Christ Jesus suffered injustice without becoming sinful. First Peter 2:23 says that when He was reviled, He did not revile in return. He entrusted Himself to the One who judges righteously. Children need that example. They will not always be treated fairly. They will not always receive apologies. They will not always be understood. They must learn that faithfulness does not depend on the other person behaving properly. Christ showed that strength is not found in uncontrolled retaliation. Strength is found in remaining obedient to God when wronged. Teaching Anger in Everyday Life Parents teach children about anger in ordinary conflicts: They teach when a child loses a game. They teach when siblings argue. They teach when a child is corrected. They teach when plans change. They teach when someone speaks carelessly. They teach when an apology is needed. They teach by the way they handle their own frustration. These moments are opportunities to form the heart. Children must learn that anger is a powerful feeling, but it is not their master. They may feel anger without becoming cruel. They may confront wrong without seeking revenge. They may speak truth without contempt. They may be hurt without becoming bitter. They may be corrected without rebelling. They may learn, through Christ, to overcome evil with good. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that anger does not excuse sinful words or actions? Do I help my children identify the selfish desires, pride, or fear beneath their anger? How do I respond when my children shout, insult, strike, or withdraw in bitterness? Am I modeling self-control and repentance when I become angry? What practical steps can I teach my children to help them slow down, speak wisely, and resolve conflict biblically? The next post will address how parents can teach their children contentment.

By Al Felder Children need to learn forgiveness. They will be hurt, disappointed, and treated unfairly. Siblings will offend them, and friends will fail them. Others may speak carelessly, act selfishly, break promises, or refuse to apologize. If children are not taught how to deal with hurt, bitterness can begin early. Forgiveness does not come naturally. The natural response when wronged is often anger, retaliation, blame, avoidance, or the desire to make the other person suffer. Children may hold grudges, bring up old offenses, refuse to speak, insult the person who hurt them, or try to “get even.” Parents must teach something better. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Forgiveness is not merely good manners; it is part of Christian character. Children need to understand that those who receive God's mercy must learn to show mercy to others. Forgiveness Begins With Understanding God’s Mercy Children should learn that forgiveness begins with God. Sin creates guilt. It separates man from God. Man cannot erase guilt by pretending nothing happened, excusing wrong, or balancing sin with good deeds. Forgiveness is possible because God provided salvation through Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” The cross shows both the seriousness of sin and the greatness of mercy. Parents should teach children that forgiveness is costly. God did not treat sin as unimportant. Christ died because sin is deadly, and God was willing to provide a way for sinners to be forgiven. A child who understands God’s mercy will have a better foundation for forgiving others. He can learn, “I should not hold tightly to bitterness when I also need mercy.” This does not mean children will understand the full depth of redemption while very young, but they can begin learning the pattern: God is merciful, Christ came to save, and forgiven people should become forgiving people. Forgiveness Does Not Mean Pretending Nothing Happened Children often misunderstand forgiveness. They may think forgiving means saying the wrong did not matter. They may think it means pretending they were not hurt. They may think it means allowing the same person to hurt them repeatedly without speaking up. They may think it means all consequences disappear. Parents must teach them carefully. Forgiveness does not call evil good. Forgiveness does not deny pain. Forgiveness does not remove the need for correction. Forgiveness does not mean trust is instantly restored. Forgiveness does not require pretending that sin was harmless. Luke 17:3 says, “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” This verse shows both truth and mercy. Sin may need to be confronted. Repentance matters. Forgiveness is not the same as ignoring wrong. Children should learn to speak honestly: “What you did was wrong.” “That hurt me.” “You need to make it right.” However, they must also learn not to feed hatred, seek revenge, or cherish bitterness. Biblical forgiveness does not erase truth. It responds to truth with mercy. Children Must Learn to Let Go of Revenge One of the hardest parts of forgiveness is surrendering the desire to get even. Children often want the person who hurt them to hurt in return. They may insult a sibling, exclude a friend, break something, spread a rumor, or wait for an opportunity to retaliate. Revenge can feel like justice, but it usually multiplies sin. Romans 12:19 says, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves.” Verse 21 adds, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Parents must teach children that another person’s sin does not give them permission to sin. If a sibling speaks harshly, the answer is not to speak more harshly. If a friend excludes them, the answer is not cruelty. If someone lies about them, the answer is not another lie. If someone acts selfishly, the answer is not revenge. This is not a weakness. It is self-control under God’s authority. A child who learns to give up revenge is learning one of the most difficult lessons in Christian living. Forgiveness Requires Honesty Forgiveness should not be built on false peace. Children should not be taught to mumble “I forgive you” merely to end a conflict while anger continues to grow. They should be helped to speak honestly about what happened. Parents can guide children through simple questions: What happened? What was wrong? How did it hurt? What should have been done instead? Has there been an apology? Is anything needed to make it right? This helps children separate facts from exaggeration and hurt from revenge. Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him.” Parents must listen carefully when children bring up conflict. They should not decide too quickly, automatically blame one child, or force forgiveness before the wrong is understood. Truth is necessary for real reconciliation. Forgiveness should never be used to silence a child who is trying to report genuine harm. Apology and Repentance Matter Parents must teach children how to apologize properly. A true apology is not, “I’m sorry you got upset.” It is not, “I’m sorry, but you made me do it.” It is not, “I said I was sorry, so you have to stop talking about it.” A proper apology takes responsibility. “I was wrong.” “I should not have said that.” “I hurt you.” “Will you forgive me?” “What can I do to make it right?” Second Corinthians 7:10 says, “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation.” Although this verse speaks in a larger spiritual context, the principle matters in the home. Sorrow should lead to change. Children must learn that an apology without change is incomplete. If a child keeps repeating the same wrong without effort to change, parents should address that pattern. Forgiveness is not merely about words. It belongs with repentance, correction, and changed behavior. Forgiveness and Trust Are Not Identical Children should learn that forgiveness and trust are connected but not the same. Forgiveness may be extended, while trust still needs to be rebuilt. If a child lies repeatedly, the parent may forgive while still checking more closely. If a sibling carelessly breaks something, forgiveness may be granted while access is limited. If a friend betrays confidence, bitterness should be rejected, but wisdom may require caution. Jesus said, “Therefore by their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:20). Character is shown over time. Trust grows where truthfulness, repentance, and faithfulness are consistently demonstrated. Parents should not pressure children to act as if trust has been fully restored when it has not. That can confuse them and make them vulnerable. Forgiveness releases vengeance. Trust is rebuilt through faithfulness. Forgiveness Must Include the Heart A child may say the words while continuing to replay the offense. He may constantly remind the other person of it. He may use the wrong as a weapon in every future argument. He may claim forgiveness while enjoying resentment. Parents must teach that forgiveness is not merely a phrase. It involves the heart. First Corinthians 13:5 says love “thinks no evil.” This does not mean love becomes naive or forgets facts. It means love does not keep a record of wrongs for the purpose of resentment and retaliation. Children should learn not to drag forgiven offenses into every new disagreement. Once something has been addressed, confessed, forgiven, and corrected, it should not become a permanent weapon. That takes maturity, and children may need repeated help. They should begin learning that forgiveness means refusing to live inside the offense. Parents Must Correct Both the Offender and the Offended In childhood conflicts, one child may have committed the first wrong, but the other may respond sinfully. A sibling may take a toy, and the other child may hit. One child may insult, and the other may destroy something. One may lie while the other may seek revenge. Parents must not excuse the second sin merely because the first child “started it.” Each child is responsible for his own actions. Romans 14:12 says, “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” That principle applies in family conflict. The offender must learn repentance. The offended child must learn self-control and forgiveness. Both may need correction. This prevents children from learning that being hurt gives them permission to do wrong. Forgiveness Does Not Remove Boundaries Children must also learn that mercy and wisdom belong together. If someone is repeatedly cruel, dishonest, manipulative, or dangerous, forgiveness does not require unlimited access. Parents may need to set boundaries, supervise contact, involve other adults, or protect the child from further harm. Proverbs 22:3 says, “A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.” Wisdom recognizes danger. Children should never be told that “forgiving” means they must tolerate abuse, conceal serious wrongdoing, or remain alone with someone who has harmed them. They should be taught to tell a trusted adult. They should be taught that wrong must be addressed. They should be taught that protection is not bitterness. They should be taught that boundaries can exist without revenge. This is especially important when the offense is serious. Parents must never use forgiveness language to cover abuse or silence a child. Parents Must Model Forgiveness Children learn forgiveness by watching how adults handle offense. They notice whether parents hold grudges. They notice whether old wrongs are brought into every argument. They notice whether apologies are sincere. They notice whether parents gossip about people who hurt them. They notice whether spouses forgive one another. If parents preach forgiveness but practice resentment, children will see the contradiction. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another.” Forgiveness must be lived in the home. Parents should admit their wrong when they sin against their children. A father who speaks harshly should apologize. A mother who judges unfairly should make it right. Parents do not lose authority by confessing sin. They show that everyone is accountable to God. Children need to see that forgiveness is not just something demanded from them. It is something their parents also practice. Forgiveness Prepares Children for Life in the Church The church is made up of people, and people sometimes fail one another. There will be misunderstandings, careless words, differences in judgment, weaknesses, and sins that require correction. Children who grow up expecting perfect people may become bitter when brethren disappoint them. Parents should prepare them to respond biblically. Matthew 18:15 teaches that when a brother sins, the matter should be addressed directly. Gossip, public humiliation, silent resentment, and revenge are not God’s way. Children should learn to speak to the person, seek truth, accept repentance, forgive, and preserve peace where possible. They should also learn that serious sin cannot simply be ignored. Correction and forgiveness belong together. This training begins in the family. Forgiveness Points Children Toward the Gospel Children must eventually understand that God's forgiveness is found through Christ. Sin is not forgiven merely because someone feels sorry. The gospel calls sinners to faith, repentance, confession, baptism, and faithful living. Acts 2:38 says, “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins.” Parents should teach children that God’s forgiveness is gracious, but not separate from His revealed will. This helps them avoid two errors. The first is thinking forgiveness can be earned. The second is thinking that forgiveness requires no response. Salvation is by God’s grace, made possible through Christ, and received through obedient faith. A child who learns forgiveness in the home is being prepared to understand mercy, repentance, reconciliation, and the gospel. Teaching Forgiveness in Everyday Conflicts Forgiveness is taught in ordinary moments. It is taught when siblings argue. It is taught when a child tells the truth about what happened. It is taught when one child apologizes. It is taught when another child chooses not to retaliate. It is taught when trust is patiently rebuilt. It is taught when parents set wise boundaries. It is taught when old offenses are not used as weapons. It is taught when the family remembers God’s mercy. Parents should not treat every conflict as an interruption. These moments are opportunities to train the heart. Children need to learn that forgiveness is not weakness. It is not pretending. It is not approving sin. It is not removing every consequence. It is refusing revenge, accepting repentance, showing mercy, pursuing peace, and trusting God with judgment. The world teaches children to cancel, retaliate, shame, and remember every wrong. Parents must teach something better. Teach them to forgive. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that forgiveness does not mean excusing sin or pretending they were not hurt? Do I help my children apologize with honesty, responsibility, and real change? Am I teaching the difference between forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and boundaries? Do my children see me practicing forgiveness in marriage, family relationships, and the church? How can I use ordinary sibling or friendship conflicts to teach mercy without removing accountability?

By Al Felder Children need to learn kindness. Kindness is not weakness. It is not merely being polite. It is not pretending that wrong does not matter. Biblical kindness is goodness in action. It is a heart trained to treat others with patience, mercy, compassion, gentleness, and helpfulness because God’s will governs the way we treat people. Children are not born knowing how to be kind. They must be taught to share, speak gently, consider others, forgive, help, listen, and serve. They must be corrected when they are selfish, cruel, mocking, harsh, disrespectful, or careless with another person’s feelings. Jesus said, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). That is often called the Golden Rule, and it is one of the simplest and most practical lessons parents can teach. Children need to learn to ask, “How would I want to be treated?” They also need to learn something even deeper: “How does God want me to treat others?” Kindness is not merely a family value. It is part of faithful living before God. Kindness Begins With the Character of God Parents should teach children that kindness begins with God. God is not cruel, selfish, hateful, or careless. He shows mercy, patience, goodness, and compassion. Even when man sins, God’s goodness is seen in His patience and willingness to provide a way of forgiveness through Christ. Romans 2:4 speaks of “the goodness of God” leading men to repentance. God’s goodness is not approval of sin. It is His patient, merciful dealing with man. Children need to learn that kindness does not mean ignoring wrong. It means acting with a heart shaped by goodness. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” This verse connects kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness. It teaches children that kindness is not just about nice words. It is about the heart and actions that flow from understanding God’s mercy. A child who learns God’s kindness will have a better reason to be kind to others. Kindness Must Be Taught in the Home The home is the first place children learn how to treat people. If children are allowed to speak harshly to parents, mock siblings, take what is not theirs, interrupt rudely, laugh at others' weaknesses, or ignore others' needs, they are being trained in selfishness. Parents must not excuse cruelty as personality, teasing, humor, or childhood behavior. Kindness must be taught. A child can learn to say, “Please,” “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “Are you okay?” However, kindness must go beyond manners. A child should learn to notice when someone is sad, help when someone is struggling, speak gently when someone makes a mistake, and avoid making fun of another person. Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering.” These qualities are not automatic. They must be “put on.” Children must be taught to clothe their character with kindness. Parents can teach this in daily situations: When a sibling is hurt, show concern. When someone drops something, help pick it up. When a younger child struggles, be patient. When someone is left out, include him. When someone makes a mistake, do not mock. When someone needs help, serve. These small moments help form a kind heart. Kindness Requires Self-Control Children often act unkindly because they are ruled by impulse. They feel angry, so they yell. They feel jealous, so they insult. They feel embarrassed, so they blame. They feel annoyed, so they snap. They feel selfish, so they refuse to share. Parents must teach children that feelings do not excuse unkindness. A child may feel frustrated, but he must still speak respectfully. He may feel disappointed, but he must not be cruel. He may feel angry, but he must not sin. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Children need to learn the power of speech. Words can calm or inflame. They can heal or wound. They can encourage or crush. James 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” That is a needed lesson for children. They must learn not to say every thought, answer every insult, or react to every irritation. Kindness often begins when a child learns to pause. Kindness Is Not Excusing Sin Parents must also teach children that kindness does not mean approving wrong. Some people confuse kindness with permissiveness. They think being kind means never correcting, never disagreeing, never warning, and never saying something is sinful, but that is not biblical kindness. True kindness acts for another person’s good, and sometimes that includes correction. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” A faithful friend may say something hard because he cares. A deceitful person may flatter while allowing harm to continue. Children need to learn this balance. They should not be cruel when someone does wrong, but they also should not call wrong right. They should not laugh at sin, join sin, excuse sin, or encourage sin in order to be liked. A child can be kind and still refuse to participate in disobedience. A child can be gentle and still tell the truth. Ephesians 4:15 speaks of “speaking the truth in love.” Truth and love belong together. Parents must teach children not to separate them. Kindness Must Include Speech Much unkindness happens through words. Children may insult, mock, complain, whisper, exaggerate, accuse, belittle, or use sarcasm to hurt others. They may say something cruel and then claim, “I was just joking.” Parents must teach that humor is not an excuse for sin. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.” Speech should build up, not tear down. Children need to learn that words should be chosen carefully. Parents can ask: Was that helpful? Was that true? Was that necessary? Was that respectful? Did it build up or tear down? Would you want someone to say that to you? These questions teach children to examine their words before speaking. A child who learns kindness in speech is being trained in wisdom. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” Kind words can strengthen others. Parents should teach children to use speech as a tool for good. Kindness Must Include Action Kindness is not only what we say. It is also what we do. First John 3:18 says, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” Children must learn that kindness is an act. It helps, gives, serves, and sacrifices. A child can say he loves his family while refusing to help. He can say he cares while ignoring someone in need. He can say he is kind while acting selfishly. Parents must help children connect words with deeds. Kindness may look like sharing a toy, helping clean up a mess, writing a note, carrying something heavy, giving up a turn, sitting with someone who is lonely, helping a younger sibling, or offering encouragement to someone who is discouraged. These may seem like small things, but they train the heart. Jesus taught that service matters. He did not live selfishly. He helped the weak, showed compassion to the suffering, and taught His disciples to serve rather than seek greatness for themselves. Children need to see that kindness is not merely a feeling. It is love with shoes on. Kindness Teaches Children to See Others Selfishness blinds children. A selfish child thinks mainly about what he wants, what he feels, what he likes, and what others should do for him. Kindness teaches a child to notice others. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” That is a powerful lesson for the home. Children must be taught to look beyond themselves. Parents can ask: How do you think your brother felt when you said that? What could you do to help your sister? Did you notice that your mother needed help? How would you feel if someone treated you that way? Who needs encouragement today? These questions train children to think about others. They help move the child from self-centeredness toward compassion. Kindness grows when children learn to see people, not merely use them. Kindness Must Reach Beyond the Home Children should be taught that kindness extends beyond the home. They must learn kindness toward neighbors, brethren, classmates, visitors, the elderly, the weak, the lonely, the poor, and even those who are difficult to love. Jesus taught His disciples to do good even to enemies (Luke 6:35). That is not easy, but children should begin learning the principle early. It is easy to be kind to people who are kind first. It is harder to be kind when someone is rude, annoying, different, or ungrateful. However, biblical kindness is not controlled by how others behave. It is controlled by the will of God. Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Children need that lesson. If someone is unkind, they must not become unkind in return. If someone mocks, they must not answer with cruelty. If someone excludes them, they must not seek revenge. Kindness does not mean becoming a doormat. Children can have boundaries. They can seek help. They can refuse to participate in sin, but they must still learn to act with a spirit that honors God. Parents Must Model Kindness Children learn kindness by watching their parents. They notice how parents speak to one another. They notice how parents respond when tired, frustrated, disappointed, or inconvenienced. They notice whether parents are patient with weakness, gentle in correction, and compassionate toward those in need. They also notice how parents speak about others when those people are not present. If parents gossip, mock, criticize, insult, or speak harshly, children will learn that pattern. If parents are kind in public but cruel in private, children will see the contradiction. If parents demand kindness from children while refusing to practice it themselves, the lesson will be weakened. Proverbs 31:26 says of the virtuous woman, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” That is a beautiful description of speech in the home. Parents should want kindness to be heard in their words. Fathers and mothers should model kindness in correction, marriage, hospitality, service, speech, and forgiveness. Children should see kindness lived. Kindness and Correction Belong Together Parents should also remember to be kind while correcting children. Correction must be firm, but it should not be cruel. Discipline should train, not humiliate. Rebuke should be serious, but not hateful. Parents must not use anger as an excuse for harshness. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke children to wrath. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Children can be discouraged when correction is constant, harsh, unfair, sarcastic, or without affection. Parents must teach kindness partly by the way they correct. A child should know that sin matters, but also that he is loved. He should know that correction is not rejection. He should know that parents are seeking his good, not merely expressing irritation. When parents correct with wisdom and kindness, they give children an example of how truth and love work together. Kindness Points Children to Christ The greatest example of kindness is seen in Christ. Jesus was not weak. He corrected sin. He rebuked hypocrisy. He upheld truth. Yet, He also showed compassion, patience, mercy, and tenderness toward the humble and hurting. Matthew 11:28 records His invitation: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” That invitation shows the heart of the Savior. Children need to see that kindness is not separate from truth. Christ was full of truth and compassion. Parents should point children to Jesus as the perfect example. He did not live selfishly. He served, gave, suffered, and died for sinners. If children want to understand kindness, they must learn to look at Him. Ephesians 5:2 says, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us.” The cross teaches the deepest meaning of love and kindness. It is not merely words. It is a self-giving action for the good of others. Teaching Kindness One Moment at a Time Kindness is taught in ordinary moments. It is taught when a child is corrected for a harsh word. It is taught when he is required to apologize. It is taught when he is encouraged to help someone. It is taught when he sees parents serve. It is taught when Scripture is opened. It is taught when selfishness is corrected. It is taught when a family visits, gives, helps, forgives, and speaks gently. Parents should not overlook these moments. They are shaping the heart. Children need to learn that kindness is not optional. It is part of walking with God. It belongs in the home, in the church, in school, in friendships, and in all of life. The world often teaches children to be loud, selfish, rude, sarcastic, and proud. Parents must teach something better. Teach them to be kind. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that kindness is rooted in the character and will of God? Do I correct unkind speech, sarcasm, mocking, and cruel teasing in the home? Are my children learning that kindness includes both words and actions? Do my children see kindness in the way I speak, correct, serve, and respond under stress? What ordinary moment this week can I use to help my children practice kindness?

By Al Felder Children need to learn how to work. That may sound simple, but it is one of the most important lessons parents can teach. Work is not merely about earning money, completing chores, or staying busy. Work teaches responsibility, discipline, patience, service, stewardship, and faithfulness. A child who is never taught to work may grow up expecting life to serve him. He may become careless with time, unwilling to finish difficult tasks, resentful of responsibility, and dependent on others to do what he should learn to do himself. A child who learns diligence early is being prepared for life before God. From the beginning, God gave man work. Genesis 2:15 says, “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” Work existed before sin entered the world. That means work itself is not a curse. The curse made work painful and difficult, but work was part of God’s design for man from the beginning. Parents should teach their children that work is good when it is done with the right heart and for the right purpose. Work Is Part of God’s Design Children need to learn that work is not something to despise. The world often swings between two wrong ideas. Some people make work their idol, building life around money, status, and achievement. Others avoid work, wanting comfort without responsibility and benefits without labor. Neither view is right. God designed man to be active, useful, and responsible. Adam was placed in the garden “to tend and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). He was not created to drift through life without purpose. He had duties to perform and stewardship to fulfill. This teaches that work is not beneath man. It is part of the life God gave him. Children should learn this early. Picking up toys, making a bed, helping with dishes, cleaning a room, doing schoolwork, assisting a parent, or serving someone in need may seem small, but these tasks help form a proper view of life. A child should not grow up thinking work is punishment. Work is a responsibility, service, and stewardship. Diligence Must Be Trained Diligence is not natural to every child. It must be taught, expected, practiced, and corrected. Proverbs 13:4 says, “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” The lazy man has desires, but he lacks the discipline to act faithfully. He wants results without effort. He wants a reward without labor. That spirit must not be allowed to grow in a child’s heart. Parents should teach children to finish what they start. A child who begins a task and quits when it becomes difficult needs instruction. A child who does work carelessly needs correction. A child who waits for someone else to do what belongs to him needs training. Diligence is learned through repeated practice. Children can learn to complete chores before play. They can learn to do schoolwork carefully. They can learn to help without constant complaint. They can learn to take care of their belongings. They can learn to work even when they do not feel like it. These are not merely household habits; they are character lessons. Laziness Is Spiritually Dangerous Parents should not treat laziness as harmless. The Bible speaks plainly about slothfulness. Proverbs 18:9 says, “He who is slothful in his work is a brother to him who is a great destroyer.” Laziness may seem less serious than open rebellion, but it damages life. It wastes opportunity, burdens others, weakens character, and often leads to greater sin. Proverbs 24:30-34 gives the picture of a lazy man’s field. It was overgrown with thorns, covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. The lesson is clear: neglect produces decay. When responsibilities are ignored, life does not remain neutral. Things fall apart. Children need to understand that laziness has consequences. A room does not stay clean when neglected. Schoolwork does not complete itself. Relationships do not strengthen without effort. Skills do not develop without practice. Faithfulness does not grow through carelessness. Parents should lovingly but firmly correct lazy habits. A child who always delays, complains, excuses, avoids, or expects others to carry his load must be trained toward diligence. Work Teaches Self-Control Work teaches children to govern themselves. A child may want to play, but the task must be finished first. He may want to quit, but the work must be completed. He may want to rush carelessly, but the job must be done properly. He may want someone else to help, but he must learn to do his part. This teaches self-control. Proverbs 25:28 says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” A child who cannot control his impulses is vulnerable. He may be ruled by appetite, amusement, anger, laziness, or desire. Work helps train him to put duty before impulse. This lesson is deeply spiritual. Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24). Discipleship requires self-denial. A child who never learns to deny himself in small matters may struggle to deny himself in matters of faith. Parents should teach children that “I do not want to” is not a sufficient reason to neglect responsibility. Work Teaches Stewardship Children need to learn that what they have must be cared for. The earth belongs to the Lord (Psalm 24:1). The body, time, opportunities, abilities, possessions, and relationships God allows us to have must be handled responsibly. Work is one way children learn stewardship. A child should learn to care for his clothing, toys, books, tools, school materials, and living space. He should learn not to waste food, damage property, or treat blessings carelessly. He should learn that someone worked for what he enjoys. Jesus said, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much” (Luke 16:10). Parents should not underestimate small responsibilities. Faithfulness in little things prepares children for faithfulness in larger things. If a child cannot be trusted to care for a small possession, he is not ready for greater responsibility. If he cannot finish a small task, he needs training before larger duties are placed upon him. Stewardship grows through practice. Work Teaches Service Work is not only about personal responsibility. It is also about serving others. A home should not teach children that everyone else exists to meet their needs. Children should learn to contribute. They should learn to help parents, serve siblings, assist older people, show hospitality, and notice needs around them. Galatians 5:13 says, “Through love serve one another.” Service is part of Christian living. Children must learn that love is not merely kind feelings. Love acts, helps, and gives effort. A child can learn to carry groceries, fold towels, set the table, clean up after himself, help a younger sibling, write a card, visit someone who is lonely, or participate in acts of kindness. These simple works help train a servant’s heart. Jesus said, “And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave” (Matthew 20:27). He then pointed to His own example of service. Children need to see that greatness before God is not selfishness, laziness, or pride. It is humble service. Children Must Learn to Work Without Complaining It is possible to do the work with the wrong attitude. A child may complete a chore while complaining the whole time. He may obey outwardly while inwardly resenting responsibility. He may work only because he is forced, not because he understands the value of diligence. Parents must teach children that attitude matters. Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without complaining and disputing.” This principle belongs in the home. Children should not be allowed to think that constant whining, arguing, grumbling, or pouting is acceptable simply because the task was eventually completed. A good work ethic includes the spirit in which the work is done. Parents can help children by explaining why the task matters, praising sincere effort, correcting complaining, and modeling a cheerful willingness to work. Children should see parents serving without resentment and fulfilling duties without constant grumbling. The goal is not merely completed chores. The goal is a faithful heart. Parents Should Teach Excellence, Not Perfectionism Children should be taught to do their work well. Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.” That principle teaches effort, seriousness, and diligence. Children should not be trained to do everything halfway. They should learn that careless work reflects a careless heart. At the same time, parents must distinguish excellence from perfectionism. Perfectionism may discourage children, especially when parents are harsh, unreasonable, or impossible to satisfy. Children need patient instruction. They need room to grow. They need to be corrected, but not crushed. A young child may not fold clothes perfectly. A beginner may not write neatly at first. A child learning a new skill may need practice. Parents should guide the child toward improvement while recognizing maturity and ability. The standard should be faithful effort, not flawless performance. A child should learn to ask, “Did I do this honestly, carefully, and with good effort?” That question will help him in school, at work, in service, and in his spiritual life. Parents Must Model Diligence Children learn about work by watching their parents. They notice whether parents fulfill responsibilities or avoid them. They notice whether parents complain constantly. They notice whether parents keep promises. They notice whether parents are diligent in worship, work, marriage, service, and daily duties. A parent who demands diligence from children while living carelessly sends a confusing message. Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” Parents must show children what it means to work as before the Lord. This applies not only to jobs outside the home, but also to ordinary tasks: cooking, cleaning, repairing, studying, preparing for worship, caring for family, and helping others. Children should see that diligence is not merely a rule of childhood. It is a Christian way of life. Parents should be able to say, “We work faithfully because we serve the Lord.” Work Must Not Become an Idol While children must learn diligence, they must also learn that work is not God. Some people teach children ambition without teaching reverence. They push achievement, career, money, and success while neglecting the soul. That is dangerous. A child may become hardworking and still be spiritually lost. Jesus said, “For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Parents must teach children that work matters, but the soul matters more. Children should learn to work hard, but not worship work. They should learn to be diligent, but not greedy. They should learn to be responsible, but not proud. They should learn to prepare for earthly duties, but never forget eternity. Work must remain under the authority of God. Worship, family responsibility, truth, righteousness, and obedience to the gospel must never be sacrificed for worldly success. Teaching Work in Everyday Life Parents teach work and diligence in ordinary moments. They teach it when a child is expected to finish a chore. They teach it when schoolwork must be completed carefully. They teach it when a child is corrected for laziness. They teach it when a task must be done before play. They teach it when children are included in helping others. They teach it when parents work faithfully without complaint. They teach it when Scripture is used to shape the child’s understanding of responsibility. These small moments matter. A child who learns diligence early is being prepared for many responsibilities ahead: employment, marriage, parenting, service in the church, care for others, and faithful living before God. Parents should not raise children to avoid work. They should raise children who know how to work, why work matters, and whom they ultimately serve. Work is good when it is done God’s way. Diligence is necessary, laziness is dangerous, service is honorable, and every task, whether small or great, should be done before the Lord. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that work is part of God’s design, not merely a punishment or inconvenience? Do my children have regular responsibilities that train diligence, stewardship, and service? How do I respond when my children complain, delay, or do careless work? Am I modeling diligence in my own responsibilities, worship, service, and commitments? How can I teach my children to work hard without making achievement or success their idol?

By Al Felder Children need to learn modesty. That lesson should not begin when they are nearly grown. It should begin early, in simple, age-appropriate ways, as parents teach their children how to think about the body, clothing, attention, purity, shamefacedness, and respect for God’s design. Modesty is often treated as if it only concerns clothing. Clothing matters, but modesty reaches deeper than fabric. It begins with the heart. It involves humility, self-control, reverence for God, and a willingness to avoid drawing attention in ways that stir pride, vanity, lust, or worldliness. The Bible says women are to “adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation” (1 Timothy 2:9). That principle is not merely about outward appearance. It reflects a heart that wants to please God more than impress the world. Parents must teach their children that the body is not a tool for pride, display, or attention. The body belongs under the authority of God. Modesty Begins With Reverence for God Children should learn that modesty is not about what other people think; it is about what God says. The world often teaches children to dress, act, and present themselves in ways that gain attention. Children may be encouraged to follow trends, seek compliments, imitate celebrities, or measure their worth by appearance. However, Christian parents must teach something different. God sees more than the outside. First Samuel 16:7 says, “For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” This does not mean outward conduct is unimportant. It means outward conduct should be governed by a heart that honors God. A modest heart asks, “Does this please the Lord?” before asking, “Do people like this?” A modest heart is not ruled by vanity, pride, or the desire to be noticed. Children need to learn that their bodies are part of life before God. They are not independent from Him. What they wear, how they carry themselves, and what they seek to communicate should be shaped by reverence for the Creator. Modesty Teaches Children Humility Modesty is closely connected to humility. A proud heart wants attention. It wants to be admired. It wants to be seen as impressive, attractive, superior, fashionable, or powerful. Pride says, “Look at me.” Modesty says, “Let me honor God.” Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Parents must teach children to beware of pride in all its forms, including pride in appearance. Children should be taught to present themselves neatly, respectfully, and appropriately. Carelessness is not spirituality, but they should also be taught not to make appearance the center of life. A child who is constantly trained to seek praise for looks may begin to build an identity on something fragile and worldly. First Peter 3:3-4 teaches that beauty must not be centered on outward adornment, but on “the hidden person of the heart.” Parents should help children understand that character matters more than appearance. Kindness, truthfulness, purity, reverence, obedience, and self-control are far more important than being admired for outward beauty. A child who learns humility will be better prepared to practice modesty. Modesty Requires Shamefacedness The Bible speaks of propriety, shamefacedness, and sobriety in connection with modesty. These ideas are important because they teach a child to have a proper sense of what should and shouldn't be displayed. Shamefacedness is not the same as unhealthy shame. It does not mean children should hate their bodies or feel embarrassed about God’s creation. The body is made by God, and His creation is good. However, because of sin, nakedness, lust, pride, and immodesty are serious matters. Children must learn that some things should be covered, guarded, and treated with dignity. Genesis 3 shows that after sin entered the world, Adam and Eve became aware of their nakedness. God clothed them (Genesis 3:21). This teaches that the body is not to be handled carelessly. Clothing has moral significance. Parents should teach children that modesty is part of respecting the body. Some clothing is inappropriate because it exposes what should be covered. Some clothing is inappropriate because it draws attention in a sensual, proud, or careless way. Some behavior is inappropriate because it treats the body lightly. Children need to learn that shame, rightly understood, can serve as a moral guard. It helps them recognize that not everything should be public, displayed, or treated casually. Modesty Protects Purity Parents should teach modesty because purity matters. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). Purity is not only about avoiding certain outward sins. It involves the heart, the eyes, the thoughts, the desires, and the conduct. Children should be taught that they must not intentionally dress or behave in ways that invite sinful attention. They should also be taught to guard their own eyes and thoughts. Modesty is not only a lesson for girls. Boys must also learn purity, self-control, and respect. Job said, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman?” (Job 31:1). That principle is important for young men. They must learn not to treat women as objects. They must learn to control their eyes, thoughts, words, and desires. Young women must also learn that their clothing and conduct should reflect purity, dignity, and reverence for God. They should not be trained to seek attention through immodesty. They should be taught that true beauty is not found in revealing the body, but in a heart submitted to God. Modesty helps protect purity in both those who practice it and those who observe it. Modesty Teaches Respect for God’s Design God created male and female. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Children need to learn that God’s design matters. Male and female are not interchangeable cultural inventions. They are part of God’s created order. That design should be respected in behavior, roles, appearance, and clothing. Deuteronomy 22:5 says, “A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment.” While parents must handle the Old Testament properly and recognize the distinction between the covenants, this verse still reveals something about God’s view of gender distinction. God has never treated the blurring of male and female as harmless. Parents should teach boys to grow into men and girls to grow into women according to God’s design. This includes teaching modesty, dignity, and distinction. Children should not be encouraged to erase the differences God made or treat them as meaningless. The world may become confused, but parents must teach clearly: God made male and female, and His design should be honored. Modesty Is Not Worldliness With Religious Words Sometimes people try to make immodesty sound acceptable by using religious language. They may say, “God looks at the heart,” while ignoring what the heart is expressing outwardly. They may say, “It is not my responsibility what others think,” while dressing in a way that knowingly provokes lust or attention. They may say, “Modesty is only cultural,” while dismissing biblical principles of shamefacedness, sobriety, purity, and humility. Parents must teach children not to reason this way. Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world.” That applies to clothing, entertainment, speech, attitudes, and values. Christians are not supposed to let the world set the standard while they search for ways to excuse it. Modesty requires a willingness to be different. A child may not always understand why certain clothing is not allowed. Parents should patiently teach, but parents must not surrender the standard because of pressure, trends, or comparison with other families. The question is not, “What does everyone else wear?” The question is, “What pleases God?” Parents Must Teach Boys and Girls Differently Where Needed Both boys and girls need modesty, purity, humility, and self-control, but parents should also recognize that sons and daughters may need particular instruction in different areas. Boys need to be taught to respect women, guard their eyes, avoid lust, dress with dignity, and reject crude talk or sensual entertainment. They must learn that manliness is not shown by immodesty, arrogance, vulgarity, or disrespect for women. A godly young man is controlled, honorable, pure, and reverent. Girls need to be taught to value purity, shamefacedness, femininity, dignity, and inner beauty. They must learn that their worth is not measured by attention from boys, approval from the world, or comparison with other girls. A godly young woman does not need to reveal herself to be valuable. Parents should teach both sons and daughters that modesty is not a punishment. It is protection and honor. It is part of walking before God. Parents Must Model Modesty Children notice what parents wear, praise, allow, and excuse. A mother cannot effectively teach modesty while dressing herself immodestly. A father cannot effectively teach purity while consuming entertainment filled with immodesty. Parents cannot train children to value shamefacedness if the home celebrates vanity, sensuality, or worldly display. Parents must model what they teach. Titus 2:7 says, “In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works.” Parents should be a pattern in speech, conduct, clothing, entertainment, worship, and priorities. Children should see modesty practiced, not merely preached. This also means parents should be careful what they praise. If children constantly hear praise for beauty, fashion, attractiveness, or appearance, but rarely hear praise for humility, kindness, truthfulness, reverence, and purity, they will learn what matters most in the home. Parents should praise character more than appearance. Modesty Must Be Taught With Wisdom and Love Parents should teach modesty firmly, but not harshly. Children should not be made to feel dirty for having bodies God created. They should not be mocked, shamed cruelly, or embarrassed publicly. Modesty should be taught with calmness, clarity, Scripture, and love. At the same time, parents must not avoid the subject because it is uncomfortable. Children need guidance. If parents do not teach modesty, the world will teach immodesty. Parents should explain standards before problems arise. They should help children choose appropriate clothing. They should explain why certain clothing is unacceptable. They should teach that modesty is not merely about rules, but about reverence, purity, humility, and wisdom. A child may resist, a teenager may compare, the world may pressure, but parents must stay faithful. Modesty Points to a Larger Kind of Holiness Modesty is one part of a larger lesson: God’s people must be holy. First Peter 1:15-16 says, “But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct.” Holiness affects all conduct. It affects how we speak, think, dress, worship, work, choose friends, and use our bodies. Children need to learn that Christianity is not merely something done at worship services. It governs all of life. A child who learns modesty is learning that even ordinary choices belong under God’s rule. Modesty teaches that the body is not for pride, clothing is not for sensual display, attention is not worth compromising purity, and God’s design is not to be blurred. The world is not the standard. The heart must be humble. These lessons will help children in many areas of life. Teaching Children to Dress the Heart First Parents should teach children that modesty begins within and then shows itself outwardly. A modest heart will not want to dishonor God with the body. A modest heart will not seek attention through sensuality. A modest heart will not despise correction. A modest heart will not be ruled by trends. A modest heart will ask what is pure, wise, honorable, and pleasing to the Lord. Children need that heart. Parents must teach them early, patiently, and consistently. They must teach by Scripture, by example, by correction, and by the standards kept in the home. The world will continue teaching children to display themselves. Parents must teach them to honor God. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that modesty begins with reverence for God, not merely with family rules? Do my children understand that modesty includes humility, purity, shamefacedness, and respect for the body? Am I modeling modesty in my own clothing, entertainment choices, and speech? Do I praise character more than outward appearance in my children? What standards should our home make clearer so that our children learn to honor God with their bodies?

By Al Felder Children need to learn respect for authority. This lesson begins in the home, but it reaches far beyond the home. A child who learns to respect rightful authority is being prepared to respect God’s authority, parental authority, civil authority, congregational leadership, and the responsibilities that come with marriage, work, and daily life. Respect for authority is not popular in a world that often celebrates self-will. Many children are taught, directly or indirectly, that no one has the right to tell them what to do. They are encouraged to question every boundary, resist correction, and treat personal desire as the highest rule, but God did not design life that way. The Bible teaches order, submission, accountability, and responsibility. Authority is not man’s invention. Proper authority comes from God, and children need to learn that early. Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” That command gives parents a starting place. Children must learn that obedience and respect are not merely family preferences. They are part of what God says is right. Authority Begins With God Parents must first teach children that all rightful authority begins with God. God is the Creator. He made man. He gives life. He defines truth. He reveals right and wrong. He commands, forbids, authorizes, and judges. Because God is God, His authority is final. Psalm 100:3 says, “Know that the LORD, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” That truth humbles man. We did not make ourselves. We do not own ourselves. We are accountable to the One who made us. Children need to hear this often. They need to learn that life is not about doing whatever they want. They were created by God and must live before God. When children understand that God has authority, they can better understand why His word must be obeyed. They can learn that the Bible is not merely advice; it is not a book of suggestions. It is the word of God, and God’s word has authority over the home, the church, worship, morality, speech, dress, work, marriage, and salvation. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” To act in the name of the Lord is to act by His authority. Children need to learn that not everything people enjoy, prefer, or invent is authorized by God. Respect for authority begins with asking, “What has God said?” Parental Authority Trains the Heart The home is the first place where children encounter authority. Parents are not simply older people in the house. God has given them the responsibility to lead, train, correct, protect, and instruct their children. This authority must never be selfish, cruel, or careless, but it must be real. Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” Children need to understand that respecting parents is part of pleasing God. This means parents must require respect. A child should not be allowed to speak to parents with contempt, mockery, shouting, eye-rolling, manipulation, or constant argument. These behaviors are not harmless expressions of personality. They train the child’s heart to despise authority. That does not mean children may never ask questions. Parents should be willing to teach, explain, and listen wisely, but there is a difference between a respectful question and a rebellious challenge. Children must learn that distinction. Ephesians 6:2 says, “Honor your father and mother.” Honor involves more than outward obedience. It includes attitude, tone, speech, and regard. A child may do what he is told while still showing dishonor in the way he does it. Parents must train both conduct and heart. Respect Is Not the Same as Fearful Silence Teaching respect for authority does not mean teaching children to be afraid to speak. Children should be able to ask honest questions. They should be able to seek help. They should be able to tell parents when something is wrong. They should be able to express confusion, fear, sadness, or concern. Respectful homes do not crush children; they train them. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Parents must not misuse authority. They must not provoke children through harshness, hypocrisy, inconsistency, humiliation, or unreasonable demands. Authority must be exercised under God’s authority. A father who demands respect while refusing to show patience, fairness, and self-control is not modeling godly leadership. A mother who corrects with anger, sarcasm, or manipulation is not helping a child understand righteous authority. Parents must be firm but also loving and just. Children should learn that authority is not the same as tyranny. Proper authority protects, guides, corrects, and serves. The goal is not to silence a child’s heart. The goal is to shape it. Children Must Learn to Receive Correction A major part of respecting authority is learning how to receive correction. Many children resist correction because they see it as an attack. They may argue, blame others, cry to avoid responsibility, become angry, or refuse to listen. Parents must teach children that correction is not hatred. Proper correction is love. Proverbs 12:1 says, “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” That is plain and serious. A child who refuses correction is not walking wisely. Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Correction may not feel pleasant, but it can produce good fruit. Parents should teach children how to respond when corrected: Listen. Do not interrupt. Do not make excuses. Tell the truth. Accept responsibility. Apologize when wrong. Make things right. Change the behavior. These are not merely social skills. They are spiritual habits. A child who learns to receive correction from parents is being prepared to receive correction from Scripture and from faithful people who care for his soul. Respect for Authority Includes Respect for God’s Word Children must learn that no human authority is higher than God’s word. Parents, teachers, governments, employers, and rulers have authority only within the limits God allows. If human authority commands what God forbids or forbids what God commands, the answer is clear. Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” This is an important balance. Parents must teach children to respect rightful authority, but they must also teach them that God’s authority is supreme. Children should not grow up thinking submission means blindly obeying sin. They must learn the difference between humble obedience and sinful compromise. Daniel and his friends provide a powerful example. When pressured to defile themselves or bow to what was wrong, they refused to disobey God. Their respect for authority did not erase their greater responsibility to the Lord. Children need that courage. They need to learn to obey their parents, respect elders, honor civil authority, and behave properly at school and at work. However, they must also learn that God comes first. True respect for authority begins with submission to the highest authority. Respect for Civil Authority Parents should teach children to respect civil authority. Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God.” Civil authority is part of God’s order for society. Laws, rulers, courts, officers, and public order are not meaningless. Children should learn not to despise rules simply because they dislike them. They should learn to obey laws, speak respectfully, respect property, and understand that society cannot function where everyone does what is right in their own eyes. First Peter 2:17 says, “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” Even when rulers are imperfect, Christians are taught to show proper honor. At the same time, children should understand that civil authority is not ultimate. Governments can be wrong. Laws can be unjust. Rulers can command what God forbids. When that happens, God must be obeyed rather than men. However, children must not confuse inconvenience with persecution or personal dislike with righteous resistance. Respect for civil authority should be part of their training. Respect for Authority in the Church Children must also learn respect for the order God has given in the church. The church is not a human organization to be reshaped according to preference. It belongs to Christ. He is the head of the body (Colossians 1:18). His word governs its worship, work, organization, and teaching. Children should learn to respect the assembly. Worship is not playtime. Preaching is not background noise. Prayer is not casual talk. The Lord’s Supper is not common food. Singing is not entertainment. These things must be approached with reverence because they are done before God. Children should also learn to respect elders who faithfully oversee the flock. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls.” This does not give elders the right to change God’s word, but it does teach that spiritual oversight is serious and should not be treated with contempt. Parents can help children by speaking respectfully about the church, the assembly, elders, preaching, and brethren. If children constantly hear their parents complain, mock, gossip, or carelessly criticize, they may learn disrespect instead of reverence. The home should teach children to honor God’s order in the church. Parents Must Model Submission Parents cannot effectively teach respect for authority while living in rebellion against authority. Children notice whether parents obey God. They notice whether parents respect Scripture. They notice whether parents honor their own commitments. They notice whether parents speak respectfully about civil rulers, elders, employers, teachers, and brethren. They notice whether parents obey the law when it's convenient and disregard it when it's inconvenient. If parents want respectful children, they must model respect. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Parents must show children what submission to God looks like in real life. This includes admitting when they are wrong. A parent who refuses correction while demanding a correctable spirit from children is teaching contradiction. Children need to see humility. They need to see parents apologize, repent, obey Scripture, and accept responsibility. Parents should be able to say, “We submit to authority because we first submit to God.” Disrespect Must Be Corrected Early Disrespect rarely disappears on its own. A child who is allowed to speak with contempt may grow bolder in contempt. A child who is allowed to ignore instructions may become hardened in disobedience. A child who is allowed to mock authority may carry that spirit into the church, school, workplace, marriage, and his relationship with God. Parents should correct disrespect early and consistently. This does not require yelling. It requires calm, firm, loving correction. Parents can say, “You may ask respectfully, but you may not speak that way.” “You may be upset, but you may not dishonor your mother.” “You may not understand yet, but you must obey.” “We will talk, but we will not argue in rebellion.” Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Children left to themselves do not naturally grow into reverent, self-controlled, respectful people. They must be trained. Correcting disrespect is not about protecting parental pride. It is about shaping the child’s soul. Authority Prepares Children for Faithful Living Respect for authority prepares children for many areas of life. It prepares them to obey the gospel. It prepares them to worship God according to His word. It prepares them to receive correction. It prepares them to work faithfully for employers. It prepares them to honor the marriage roles God designed. It prepares them to respect civil order. It prepares them to submit to the teaching of Scripture even when it challenges personal desire. A child who never learns respect for authority will struggle with the words “submit,” “obey,” “honor,” and “serve.” Those words belong to faithful living. Jesus Himself showed perfect submission to the Father. He said, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me” (John 6:38). If the Son of God submitted to the Father’s will, children must learn that submission is not weakness. It is righteousness. Teaching Respect in Everyday Life Respect for authority is taught in ordinary moments. It is taught when a child answers a parent. It is taught when a child receives correction. It is taught when a child sits in worship. It is taught when parents speak about elders. It is taught when the family obeys civil laws. It is taught when Scripture settles a question. It is taught when a parent admits wrong. It is taught when a child is required to obey even when he does not feel like it. Parents should not overlook these moments. They are shaping how the child thinks about God, truth, obedience, and accountability. The world will teach children to exalt the self. Parents must teach them to honor God, and part of honoring God is learning to respect the authority He has established. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that all rightful authority begins with God? Do I correct disrespectful speech, tone, attitude, and behavior consistently? Am I modeling submission to God’s word in my own life? Do my children hear me speak respectfully about the church, elders, civil authority, and others in positions of responsibility? How can I better teach my children the difference between respectful questions and rebellious challenges?

By Al Felder Children need to understand sin. That does not mean parents should burden young children with matters beyond their maturity. It does mean children must be taught, in age-appropriate ways, that sin is real, God defines it, and every person is accountable for his own choices. Many people today avoid the word “sin.” They may call sin a mistake, a weakness, a struggle, a lifestyle, a personal choice, or simply being human, but parents must not let the world soften what God has spoken clearly. Sin is not merely doing something unpopular or disappointing others. Sin is doing wrong before God. First John 3:4 says, “Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness.” Sin is a violation of God’s will. It is acting without divine authority, refusing what God commands, doing what God forbids, or failing to do what God requires. Children need this understanding because they are not merely being trained to behave well. They are being taught how to live before God. Sin Is Defined by God, Not by Man Parents must teach children that man does not have the right to define sin for himself. A child may say, “I don’t think it is wrong.” A friend may say, “Everybody does it.” Culture may say, “That is normal now.” However, none of those answers can change the will of God. Isaiah 5:20 warns, “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness.” That danger is still with us. People often rename sin to make it sound harmless. Rebellion becomes independence, immodesty becomes confidence, dishonesty becomes avoiding trouble, anger becomes self-expression, selfishness becomes self-care, and false teaching becomes another viewpoint. Parents must teach children not to accept the world’s definitions. Psalm 119:11 says, “Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” God’s word teaches us what sin is and helps protect us from it. Children need Scripture in their hearts before temptation takes root in their habits. When parents correct a child, they should not only say, “That was wrong.” They should help the child understand why it was wrong before God. Lying is wrong because God commands truth. Disobedience is wrong because God commands children to obey parents. Cruelty is wrong because God commands love and kindness. Selfishness is wrong because God teaches service and humility. The child must learn that God’s word is the standard. Sin Is a Choice, Not an Inherited Guilt Children must also be taught carefully about personal responsibility. The Bible does not teach that children are born guilty of Adam’s sin. Ezekiel 18:20 says, “The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son.” Guilt is not inherited from a parent. Each person is accountable for his own sin. This is important because children need to understand both innocence and accountability. Young children are not born sinners in the sense of being guilty before God, but as they grow, learn, and become capable of understanding right and wrong, they must be taught that choosing sin brings guilt. Sin is not something to blame on Adam, parents, friends, circumstances, temperament, or society. James 1:14-15 says, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.” Temptation is not the same as sin. Desire may pull strongly, but sin comes when one yields to that desire and acts against God’s will. Children need this distinction. Being tempted to lie is not the same as lying. Feeling angry is not the same as sinning in anger. Wanting something does not automatically mean one has stolen. However, when a child chooses to disobey God’s will, that choice matters. Parents should teach children to take responsibility without teaching them false guilt. Sin Often Begins in the Heart Sin is seen in actions, but it often begins within. Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Words and actions reveal what is taking place inside. A lie may reveal fear, pride, selfishness, or a desire to escape consequences. Harsh speech may reveal anger or contempt. Disobedience may reveal stubbornness. Blame-shifting may reveal unwillingness to accept responsibility. Parents must not train children to care only about appearances. A child may learn to look obedient while remaining rebellious in spirit. He may learn to say the right words while hiding deceit. He may learn to avoid consequences without loving what is right. That kind of training is incomplete. God cares about the heart. Psalm 51:6 says, “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts.” Children should learn that God wants honesty, humility, purity, reverence, and repentance within. Sin must not merely be hidden better. It must be corrected at the root. This is why parents should ask heart-searching questions when appropriate: Why did you lie? Were you trying to avoid correction? Did you want your own way? Were you angry? Were you thinking about what pleased God? These questions help children learn that sin is not only about what happens outwardly. It is also about what is ruling the heart. Sin Has Consequences Children must learn that sin is serious because sin has consequences. Galatians 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” A child may not always see consequences immediately, but God’s law of sowing and reaping still stands. Some consequences happen in the home. Lying damages trust, disobedience invites correction, harsh words hurt relationships, laziness leaves work unfinished, and selfishness causes others to suffer. These consequences help children learn that sin is not harmless. The greater consequence is spiritual. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.” Sin separates man from God. It brings guilt and condemnation. Children must eventually understand that sin is not merely a family, school, or social issue. It is a soul issue. Parents should teach this soberly, not harshly. The goal is not to crush a child with fear but to teach him the truth. Sin must not be treated lightly because God does not treat it lightly. If children grow up thinking sin is small, they will not understand why they need forgiveness. Sin Must Not Be Excused Children are quick to make excuses. “I forgot.” “I was tired.” “He made me mad.” “She started it.” “I didn’t mean to.” “I only did it because they did.” Sometimes circumstances help explain what happened, but they do not automatically excuse sin. Parents should listen carefully and judge fairly, but they must not allow children to escape accountability by shifting blame. Adam tried to shift the blame after he sinned. Eve also shifted blame (Genesis 3:12-13), but God still held each one accountable. Blaming others did not remove guilt. Children must learn to say, “I did wrong.” That statement is difficult but necessary. A child who cannot admit wrong will struggle to repent. A child who always excuses himself may grow into an adult who avoids responsibility before God and man. Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” Covering sin does not heal the soul; confession and change are required. Parents must teach children that excuses do not remove sin. Honesty, repentance, and correction are the proper path. Sin Requires Repentance Children should learn that when they do wrong, they must not merely feel bad. They must turn from wrong. Repentance is more than saying, “I’m sorry.” A child may say sorry because he was caught, because he wants consequences removed, or because he wants the moment to end. True repentance involves a change of heart that leads to a change of action. Matthew 3:8 says, “Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance.” Repentance bears fruit. If a child lies, repentance includes telling the truth. If he steals, repentance includes returning what was taken. If he speaks cruelly, repentance includes apology and changed speech. If he disobeys, repentance includes submission. Parents should teach children to make things right whenever possible. This does not mean children will mature instantly. Growth takes time, but parents should not be satisfied with empty words. The goal is not merely to hear “sorry.” The goal is to help the child turn from sin and learn righteousness. Repentance prepares children to understand the gospel. When they become accountable before God, they must know that sin cannot simply be ignored. It must be turned from. Sin Shows Our Need for Christ Parents must not teach sin without teaching hope. The Bible’s message is not only that man sins. It is that God provided salvation through Jesus Christ. Children need to understand that sin is serious, but they also need to hear that God is merciful. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ did not die because sin was small. He died because sin was deadly, and man could not save himself. Children should be taught the gospel as they mature. They should learn that Jesus is the Son of God, that He lived without sin, that He died for our sins, that He was buried, and that He rose again. They should learn that salvation is not earned by good behavior but received by obedient faith. Acts 2:38 says, “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins.” Children must eventually understand that sin requires forgiveness, and forgiveness is found in Christ according to the gospel. Parents should not manipulate children into a response they do not understand, but they should steadily teach them the truth so that when they do understand sin, they also understand the Savior. Parents Must Model Confession and Repentance Children learn how to deal with sin by watching their parents. If parents hide sin, excuse sin, blame others, refuse correction, or act as though they are never wrong, children will learn those habits. If parents confess wrong, apologize sincerely, repent, and submit to God’s word, children will learn humility. James 5:16 says, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another.” While parents must still maintain their role as authority figures, they should not pretend to be sinless. When a parent speaks harshly, breaks a promise, acts unfairly, or sins in some other way, he should admit it. A sincere apology from a parent can teach a powerful lesson: everyone is accountable to God. Parents should also model daily dependence on God’s mercy. Prayer, worship, Scripture, and repentance should not be rare things in the home. Children should see that sin is taken seriously and that God’s grace is cherished. Teaching Children to Hate Sin and Love Righteousness The goal is not merely to make children afraid of getting caught. The goal is to help them hate sin and love righteousness. Psalm 97:10 says, “You who love the LORD, hate evil!” Love for God and hatred of evil belong together. Children should learn that sin is not a toy to play with, a friend to keep close, or a secret to protect. Sin is destructive. It dishonors God, damages the soul, and harms others. At the same time, children should learn that righteousness is good. Obedience is good. Truth is good. Purity is good. Kindness is good. Worship is good. Serving God is good. Parents should not present God’s commands as a joyless burden. First John 5:3 says, “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.” God’s way is right, wise, and good. Children need to learn not only what to avoid, but what to love. Training Children to Deal Honestly With Sin Sin must be named. Sin must be corrected. Sin must not be excused. Sin must be confessed. Sin must be repented of. Sin must be forgiven through Christ. Parents who teach these truths give their children a necessary foundation for life. They help children understand moral responsibility, personal accountability, repentance, forgiveness, and the need for the gospel. A child who understands sin rightly will not treat wrongdoing as harmless. He will not blame everyone else for his choices. He will not think appearances are enough. He will learn to examine his heart, submit to God’s word, and seek mercy in the way God has provided. Parents cannot repent for their children. They cannot obey the gospel for them. They cannot live faithfully in their place, but they can teach them what sin is. They can show them why it matters, point them to Christ, and they can train them to walk honestly before God. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that sin is defined by God’s word, not by feelings, culture, or personal opinion? Do I help my children distinguish between temptation, mistakes, and actual sin? How do I respond when my child makes excuses or shifts blame for wrongdoing? Do my children see me confess wrong and repent when I sin? Am I teaching my children not only to avoid sin, but to love righteousness and seek forgiveness through Christ?

By Al Felder Children need moral clarity. They are growing up in a world where right and wrong are often treated as matters of opinion. Many people speak as if truth changes with culture, morality changes with feelings, and each person has the right to decide for themselves what is good. However, parents must teach their children something far better: right and wrong are determined by God. This lesson must begin early. Children need to know that some things are right because God approves them, and some things are wrong because God condemns them. They need to learn that sin is not merely a mistake, a bad choice, or something that gets them in trouble with parents. Sin is doing what is wrong before God. Isaiah warned, “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness” (Isaiah 5:20). That warning is still needed today. Children must not be trained to follow a world that confuses darkness and light. They must be trained to listen to the God who defines both. Right and Wrong Begin With God Parents should teach children that morality does not begin with man. If right and wrong were decided by human opinion, then morality would change every time people changed their minds. What one generation condemns, another celebrates. What one culture approves, another rejects. What one person feels is right, another person feels is wrong. Thankfully, God’s will is not decided by human opinion. Psalm 119:172 says, “For all Your commandments are righteousness.” God’s commandments are not merely rules. They are righteous because God Himself is righteous. When He commands, His word reflects His holy character. Children must learn that God is the standard. This helps them understand why lying is wrong, why disrespect is wrong, why stealing is wrong, why immodesty is wrong, why cruelty is wrong, why selfishness is wrong, and why disobedience is wrong. These things are not wrong merely because parents dislike them. They are wrong because they stand against God's will and character. When children learn this, morality becomes more than household expectation. It becomes reverence for God. Children Need Their Conscience Trained Children have to be taught. They do not automatically know how to judge every situation rightly. They may feel guilty for things that are not wrong, and they may feel no guilt for things that are wrong. They may think something is acceptable because others are doing it. They may think something is harmless because it seems fun. They may think something is unfair simply because they do not like it. That is why their conscience must be trained by God’s word. Hebrews 5:14 speaks of those “who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” Discernment grows through practice; it is trained and exercised. Children must learn to recognize good and evil by repeated instruction from Scripture. Parents can help by asking simple questions: What does God say? Was that honest? Was that kind? Was that respectful? Was that obedient? Was that pure? Did that please the Lord? These questions train children to think morally, not merely emotionally. They teach children to examine actions by God’s standard instead of by desire, peer pressure, or convenience. Feelings Are Not the Final Guide Children must learn that feelings do not determine right and wrong. A child may feel angry, but that does not give him the right to speak cruelly. He may feel afraid, but that does not give him the right to lie. He may feel jealous, but that does not give him the right to mistreat another person. He may feel embarrassed, but that does not give him the right to blame someone else. He may want something badly, but desire does not make theft, selfishness, or disobedience acceptable. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Something can seem right and still be wrong. Children need to hear that often. Parents should not teach children to ignore feelings, but they must teach them to govern feelings. Feelings should be brought under the authority of God’s word. A child should learn to say, “I feel angry, but I must not sin.” “I feel afraid, but I must tell the truth.” “I feel left out, but I must still be kind.” “I want this, but I must obey.” This lesson will help children throughout life. Many sins begin when people treat feelings as law. Parents must teach children that God’s word rules over feelings. The World Will Try to Redefine Morality Parents must not be naive. The world is constantly teaching children. It teaches through entertainment, friends, schools, online influences, advertising, music, books, and social media. Sometimes the message is open, sometimes it is subtle, but children are repeatedly told to accept what God condemns and question what God commands. Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Children must learn early that the world is not a safe moral guide. The world may mock righteousness, celebrate sin, excuse rebellion, and reward pride. Parents should prepare children for this reality. They should not merely say, “That is wrong.” They should explain, from Scripture, why it is wrong. They should help children see the difference between God’s way and the world’s way. They should teach them that popularity does not make something right, and loneliness does not make obedience wrong. Exodus 23:2 says, “You shall not follow a crowd to do evil.” That is a lesson every child needs to learn. The crowd may laugh, approve, or pressure, but the crowd does not have the authority to change God’s will. Moral Clarity Requires Teaching Sin Clearly Some parents avoid talking about sin because they do not want children to feel uncomfortable, but children need to understand sin. They need to know that sin is real. They need to know that sin separates man from God. They need to know that sin has consequences. They need to know that sin must not be excused, hidden, celebrated, or renamed. First John 3:4 says, “Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness.” Sin is not merely personal failure; it is acting against God’s law. Parents should use clear biblical language. Lying is a sin. Stealing is a sin. Disobedience is a sin. Hatred is a sin. Pride is a sin. Lust is a sin. Drunkenness is a sin. Immodesty is a sin. Unrighteous anger is a sin. False worship is a sin. Children must not grow up thinking sin is merely “not ideal” or “not the best choice.” They must learn to see it as God sees it. At the same time, parents must also teach hope. Sin is serious, but God is merciful. Wrong must be confessed, corrected, and repented of. Children need to know that God does not approve of sin, but He does provide forgiveness through Christ. Parents Must Teach the Difference Between Mistakes and Sin Children also need careful instruction so they do not confuse every mistake with sin. Spilling a drink is not the same as lying about it. Forgetting where a toy was placed is not the same as stealing. Misunderstanding directions is not the same as willful disobedience. Accidentally bumping a sibling is not the same as striking in anger. Parents should be fair and thoughtful. If everything is treated as rebellion, children may become discouraged or confused, but if sin is treated as a mere accident, children may fail to learn accountability. The difference often involves the heart, the will, and the action. Did the child know what was right and choose otherwise? Did he deceive? Did he rebel? Did he act selfishly? Did he refuse correction? Did he intend harm? Did he neglect a duty he understood? James 4:17 says, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” Knowledge and choice matter. Parents should teach children to think honestly about what they know, what they choose, and what they should do next. This helps children develop a balanced conscience: not careless about sin, but not crushed by every human weakness or accident. Right and Wrong Must Be Practiced in Daily Life Moral teaching must not remain abstract. Children learn right and wrong in daily moments. They learn when they are told to share, to apologize, to be corrected for lying, to obey, to speak respectfully, when parents explain why certain entertainment is not acceptable, when worship is treated as holy, when modesty is expected, and when family decisions are made by Scripture rather than convenience. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 gives a picture of diligent teaching in the home. God’s words were to be in the heart and taught to children throughout daily life. That principle is vital. Parents should use everyday situations to teach God’s will. When a child sins, parents can teach repentance. When a child tells the truth, parents can praise honesty. When a child shows kindness, parents can connect it to the Lord’s will. When a child is tempted to follow others, parents can teach courage. When a child asks why something is wrong, parents can open Scripture. The home should be the first school of moral clarity. Parents Must Model Moral Clarity Parents cannot effectively teach children the difference between right and wrong while living carelessly themselves. Children notice inconsistency. They notice when parents condemn lying but speak dishonestly. They notice when parents demand respect but speak harshly. They notice when parents talk about God’s word, but ignore it in practice. They notice when worship is treated as optional. They notice when entertainment is allowed to bring sinful ideas into the home. Parents must model the moral clarity they want their children to learn. Joshua said, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). That kind of leadership is needed in the home. Parents must decide that their house will not be governed by culture, convenience, or appetite. It will be governed by God. This does not mean parents will be perfect. When parents sin, they should admit it, repent, and make it right. That also teaches moral clarity. Children need to see that right and wrong apply to adults as well. The standard is not parental preference; it is God’s word. Moral Clarity Prepares Children for the Gospel Children must learn the difference between right and wrong because they must eventually understand sin and salvation. If a child does not understand sin, he will not understand his need for forgiveness. If he does not understand guilt, he will not understand repentance. If he does not understand God’s authority, he will not understand obedience to the gospel. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Children are not born guilty of Adam’s sin, but as they grow and become accountable, they must learn that their own choices matter before God. They must learn that sin is personal and serious. They must also learn that Christ is the answer to sin. Jesus came to save sinners. His blood provides forgiveness. The gospel calls man to faith, repentance, confession, baptism, and faithful living. Children need the moral foundation that helps them understand why the gospel matters. Parents should not rush children into outward obedience before understanding, but they should steadily teach them the truths that prepare the heart. Raising Children Who Can Discern Good and Evil Parents should not raise children who simply ask, “Can I get away with it?” They should raise children who ask, “Is it right before God?” That kind of heart does not form accidentally. It must be taught. It must be modeled. It must be corrected. It must be strengthened by Scripture. Children need to learn that right and wrong are real. They need to learn that God defines them. They need to learn that feelings must submit to truth. They need to learn that the world is not a faithful guide. They need to learn that sin must be named honestly, confessed humbly, and corrected sincerely. The world will continue trying to blur the lines. Parents must keep drawing them from the word of God. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that right and wrong are determined by God, not by feelings, culture, or popularity? Do I help my children understand the difference between accidents, mistakes, and sin? Am I using daily situations to train my children to discern good and evil? Do my children see moral clarity in my own choices, speech, worship, and priorities? What worldly influences may be confusing my children’s understanding of right and wrong?

By Al Felder Truthfulness must be taught early. Children need to learn that telling the truth is not merely a way to stay out of trouble. It is part of living before God. A truthful heart is important because God is true, His word is true, and He calls His people to walk in truth. Lying is often one of the first sins parents must correct in a child. A child may lie to avoid punishment, to shift blame, to gain attention, to protect pride, or to get something he wants. Sometimes the lie may seem small to the parent, but the heart behind it must not be ignored. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.” That verse shows the seriousness of the matter. Lying is not simply a bad habit. It is something God hates. Truthfulness is not merely socially useful. It is pleasing to God. Parents must therefore teach their children that truth matters because God matters. Truth Begins With the Character of God Children should learn that truth is not invented by man. It comes from God. Titus 1:2 says God “cannot lie.” Hebrews 6:18 says, “It is impossible for God to lie.” That means truthfulness is rooted in the very character of God. God does not deceive. God does not speak falsely. God does not make empty promises. What He says is reliable because He is perfectly true. Children need to understand that lying is wrong because it is unlike God. Jesus prayed to the Father, “Your word is truth” (John 17:17). If parents want children to love truth, they must teach them to love the word of God. Scripture must become the standard by which children learn what is real, right, pure, and trustworthy. A child who learns that God is true will begin to understand why truth matters in the home, in school, in friendships, in worship, and in daily choices. Lying Is More Than Words Parents should teach children that lying includes more than simply saying something false. A child may lie by denying what he did. He may lie by hiding part of the truth. He may lie by exaggerating. He may lie by giving a false impression. He may lie by blaming someone else. He may lie by silence when honesty is required. Truthfulness is not merely avoiding certain words. It is a commitment to what is honest before God. Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor.’” The command is not only negative. We must put away lying, but we must also speak the truth. Parents need to help children recognize dishonest behavior in all its forms. A child who says, “I didn’t lie; I just didn’t tell you,” may need to learn that concealment can still be deceit. A child who says, “I was joking,” after speaking falsely may need to learn that humor is not an excuse for dishonesty. Truth must be taught clearly. Children Often Lie to Avoid Consequences One reason children lie is that they want to escape consequences. They may know they disobeyed. They may fear correction. They may want to avoid shame, so they deny, hide, blame, or invent a story. Parents must correct this carefully. If a child learns that lying helps him avoid consequences, he may continue using dishonesty as a shield, but if he learns that lying only makes wrong worse, he can begin to see the seriousness of deceit. Numbers 32:23 says, “Be sure your sin will find you out.” Children should learn that hidden sin is not truly hidden. Parents may not always know, but God always knows. Hebrews 4:13 says, “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” That truth should not be used merely to frighten a child, but to sober him. God sees. God knows. God cares about truth. Parents should teach children that admitting when they are wrong is always better than lying about it. A child who has sinned needs correction, but a child who sins and then lies has added sin to sin. Truthfulness Requires Accountability Children must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. The first sin in the garden was followed by blame-shifting. Adam said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). Eve said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate” (Genesis 3:13). Both statements attempted to move attention away from personal responsibility. Children often do the same thing. “He made me do it.” “She started it.” “I forgot.” “I didn’t mean to.” “It wasn’t my fault.” Parents should listen fairly, but they should not allow children to evade responsibility by blaming. Sometimes other people are involved. Sometimes circumstances matter, but each child must still learn to answer honestly for his own words and actions. Romans 14:12 says, “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” That truth should be taught in age-appropriate ways. Every person is accountable before God. No one can lie, blame, excuse, or hide their way out of divine judgment. Truthfulness grows when children learn to say, “I did wrong,” “I disobeyed,” “I lied,” “I need to apologize,” and “I need to make it right.” Parents Must Create a Home Where Truth Is Expected A home should be a place where truth is expected, honored, and required. This does not mean parents ignore wrongdoing when a child tells the truth. Sin still needs correction, but parents should make clear that honesty matters deeply. A child should understand that confession is better than concealment, and truth is better than deceit. Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” This is a powerful principle for the home. Covering sin is dangerous. Confession and forsaking sin are the right path. Parents can teach this by calmly asking direct questions, giving children the opportunity to answer honestly, and responding with firmness and wisdom. If parents respond to every confession with uncontrolled anger, children may be more tempted to hide their wrongdoings. That does not excuse lying, but it reminds parents to discipline with self-control. Correction should be serious, but it should also teach. The goal is not merely to expose a lie. The goal is to train a truthful heart. Parents Must Model Honesty Children are quick to notice hypocrisy. If parents tell children to be honest while practicing dishonesty themselves, the lesson is weakened. Children notice when parents exaggerate, make excuses, break promises, tell partial truths, or speak one way publicly and another way privately. Parents must model truthfulness. Matthew 5:37 says, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” A child should learn from their parents that words matter. Promises should be kept. Statements should be accurate. Commitments should be honored. Excuses should not be invented. If a parent is wrong, he should admit it. If he misspeaks, he should correct it. If he fails to keep a promise, he should acknowledge it. This does not weaken authority. It teaches children that truth applies to everyone. Parents should be able to say, “We tell the truth because God wants truth, and that includes me.” Truthfulness Must Be Connected to the Heart Lying is not only a matter of the mouth. It is a heart problem. Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Words reveal what is within. A lying tongue often reveals fear, selfishness, pride, greed, resentment, or lack of reverence for God. That is why parents must do more than say, “Don’t lie.” They must help children see why they lied. Were you afraid of getting in trouble? Did you want something that was not yours? Were you trying to look better than you are? Were you trying to blame someone else? Were you trying to hide sin? These questions can help children examine the heart. The goal is not to crush them with shame, but to help them understand that sin must be dealt with honestly. Psalm 51:6 says, “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts.” God wants more than outward correctness. He wants truth within. Parents must teach children to be truthful not only when caught, but from the heart. Truthfulness Protects Trust Trust is built through truth and damaged by deceit. Children need to learn that lying affects relationships. When a child lies, parents may struggle to trust what he says. Friends may be hurt. Siblings may be blamed unfairly. The home may become filled with suspicion. Proverbs 25:19 says, “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint.” Someone who cannot be trusted brings pain and instability. Children should learn that truthfulness makes them dependable, while lying makes their words uncertain. Parents can help children understand this by explaining consequences. If a child lies about where he has been, what he has done, or whether he finished a task, trust is affected. The next time, the parent may need to inspect more closely, limit freedom, or require greater accountability. This is not merely punishment. It is the natural result of damaged trust. Truthfulness protects relationships. Lying weakens them. Truthfulness Prepares Children for Faithfulness to God A child who learns to love truth is better prepared to receive the truth of God’s word. Second Thessalonians 2:10 warns about those who perish “because they did not receive the love of the truth.” That phrase should sober every parent. It is possible for people to hear the truth and not love it. It is possible to prefer comfort, tradition, popularity, pleasure, or self-will over truth. Parents should train children not only to tell the truth but also to love the truth. This means teaching them to accept Scripture even when it corrects them. It means teaching them to choose truth over convenience. It means teaching them not to follow lies simply because they are popular. It means teaching them that truth is worth obeying. Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Truth is not the enemy of joy. Truth frees man from deception, sin, and spiritual danger. Children who learn to love truth are being prepared to obey the gospel, worship according to God’s word, repent honestly, and live faithfully. Teaching Truth in Everyday Life Truthfulness is taught in ordinary moments. It is taught when a child breaks something and must admit it. It is taught when he disobeys and wants to hide it. It is taught when he exaggerates a story. It is taught when he blames a sibling. It is taught when he gives a half-answer. It is taught when he must apologize. It is taught when a parent keeps a promise. It is taught when Scripture is opened and obeyed. Parents should not treat these moments as interruptions to parenting. These moments are parenting. Each time a child is guided toward honesty, he is being trained to live before God. Each time a parent corrects deceit with wisdom and love, the child is being taught that truth matters. Each time the home chooses honesty over appearance, God is honored. Children must learn to tell the truth. Not merely to avoid punishment. Not merely to keep peace. Not merely to appear respectable, but because God is true, His word is true, and He calls His people to walk in truth. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that lying is a sin before God, not merely bad behavior? Do I correct half-truths, exaggeration, blame-shifting, and concealment as forms of dishonesty? How do I respond when my child admits wrong? Do I encourage honesty while still correcting sin? Do my children see truthfulness in my promises, speech, commitments, and daily decisions? What can I do this week to help my children love truth, not merely fear getting caught?

By Al Felder Responsibility is not learned all at once. It is formed through daily instruction, correction, expectation, and practice. A child learns responsibility when he is taught to finish what he starts, tell the truth, care for what has been entrusted to him, accept correction, admit wrong, keep his word, and understand that choices have consequences. Parents should not wait until children are nearly grown before teaching responsibility. By then, many habits may already be deeply rooted. The home is the first training ground where children learn whether life is about being served or learning to serve, making excuses or accepting accountability, doing only what is easy or doing what is right. God has not called man to live carelessly. From the beginning, man was given work, stewardship, instruction, and accountability. Genesis 2:15 says, “Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” Even before sin entered the world, man had responsibility. Work was not a curse. Stewardship was not a punishment. God made man with duties to fulfill. Children need to learn this early: life is not merely about what they want. God expects them to be faithful with what they have been given. Responsibility Begins With Accountability A child must learn that he is accountable for his choices. One of the earliest signs of irresponsibility is excuse-making. Children may say, “It wasn’t my fault,” “I forgot,” “I didn’t know,” “They made me do it,” or “I was going to do it later.” Sometimes there may be circumstances to consider, but parents must be careful not to train children to hide behind excuses. God has always held man accountable for his actions. Romans 14:12 says, “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God.” That truth is sobering. Every person must answer to God. Parents should teach children that accountability is not something to fear when one walks honestly, but something to be deeply respected. In the home, accountability begins with simple matters. Did you obey? Did you tell the truth? Did you finish the task? Did you speak respectfully? Did you take care of what was given to you? Did you make it right when you were wrong? These questions help children learn that their actions matter. Parents should not allow children to shift blame when they have sinned or acted foolishly. From the beginning, sin has often tried to hide behind blame. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent (Genesis 3:12-13), but God still held each one accountable. Children must learn that blaming others does not remove personal responsibility. Responsibility Teaches Children to Work Children need to learn the value of work. Work teaches diligence, patience, discipline, usefulness, and humility. A child who is never required to help, clean, finish chores, or contribute to the household may begin to think life exists for his comfort. That mindset is dangerous. Proverbs 13:4 says, “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” The lazy person may want many things, but desire without diligence does not produce faithful living. Children must be taught that wanting is not the same as working. Parents can teach this lesson through ordinary responsibilities. A child can learn to put away his belongings, make his bed, help clean, assist with meals, care for animals, complete schoolwork, and serve others in age-appropriate ways. These tasks may seem small, but they train the heart. Second Thessalonians 3:10 says, “If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.” While this passage addresses a particular problem among adults, the principle is important: God does not approve of a life that expects the benefits of labor while refusing its responsibility. Parents should not raise children to think work is beneath them. Work is part of faithful living. Responsibility Teaches Stewardship Children must also learn that what they have is entrusted to them. Their time, possessions, abilities, opportunities, and bodies must be handled wisely. They are not owners in the ultimate sense. Everything belongs to God. Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the LORD’s, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein.” This truth should shape how children think about life. Nothing they have should be treated as if it were independent from God. A child who learns stewardship will be taught to care for what belongs to him and what belongs to others. He should learn not to destroy, waste, neglect, or misuse things. He should learn that time should not be squandered, money should not be wasted, food should not be treated carelessly, and opportunities should not be despised. Jesus taught the importance of faithfulness in what is entrusted to us. He said, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much” (Luke 16:10). This principle is important in parenting. Children who are not taught faithfulness in small things may not suddenly become faithful in larger matters. A child who refuses to care for small responsibilities is not being prepared for greater ones. Responsibility Teaches Truthfulness Responsibility and honesty belong together. A child who lies to escape consequences is not learning responsibility. A child who hides wrongdoing, exaggerates, deceives, or gives half-truths is trying to avoid accountability. Parents must teach children that truth matters even when it costs something. Proverbs 12:22 says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who deal truthfully are His delight.” This should be taught clearly. Lying is not merely a childhood habit to be ignored. It is a sin before God. Parents should create a home where truth is required and where confession is taken seriously. This does not mean there are no consequences for wrongdoing, but children should learn that honesty is always better than deceit. A child who does wrong and then lies has added sin to sin. Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor.’” Children should learn to speak the truth because God values truth. They should learn to say, “I did it,” “I was wrong,” “I disobeyed,” or “I need to make it right.” That kind of honesty is part of responsibility. Responsibility Teaches Children to Receive Correction Irresponsible children often resist correction. They may become angry when corrected. They may deny what they did. They may accuse the parent of being unfair. They may compare themselves to others. They may focus on someone else’s wrong instead of their own. Parents must teach children how to receive correction with humility. Proverbs 12:1 says, “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” That is plain language. A person who refuses correction is not wise. Children need to learn that correction is not hatred. Proper correction is an act of love. Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Discipline may not feel pleasant, but it can produce good fruit when received properly. Parents should help children understand that correction is not merely punishment. It is training. It exposes what is wrong so the child can learn what is right. A responsible child learns not only to endure correction, but to grow from it. This lesson will help them throughout life. They will need correction from Scripture, from parents, from faithful brethren, from employers, and from circumstances. A child who cannot receive correction will struggle in every area of life. Responsibility Teaches Children That Choices Have Consequences Children must learn that choices produce results. Galatians 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” This principle is one of the most important lessons parents can teach. Life is not disconnected; actions, words, habits, sins, and faithfulness all have consequences. Parents sometimes want to rescue children from every uncomfortable result of their choices. While children need mercy, help, and instruction, they also need to learn that poor choices bring difficulty. If parents constantly remove consequences, they may train children to live carelessly. A child who refuses to finish schoolwork may receive a poor grade. A child who mistreats a toy may lose it. A child who speaks disrespectfully may need correction. A child who wastes time may not have time for what he wants. A child who lies may lose trust. These lessons are not cruel when handled with wisdom and love. They help children connect decisions with outcomes. They prepare children to understand that sin also brings consequences before God. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death.” That is the most serious consequence of all. Children must learn early that sin is not harmless. Responsibility Teaches Service Responsibility is not only about taking care of oneself. It is also about serving others. A selfish child thinks mainly about what others should do for him. A responsible child learns to ask, “What should I do?” “How can I help?” “What duty belongs to me?” “Who needs my service?” Jesus taught, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). Children need to learn that love is not merely a feeling. It acts, helps, serves, and considers others. In the home, children can learn service by helping siblings, respecting parents, assisting with chores, caring for the elderly, showing kindness to visitors, and putting others before themselves. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” This is a lesson children need in a self-centered world. Responsibility includes seeing needs beyond oneself. A child who learns service at home is better prepared to serve in the church, in marriage, at work, and in daily life. Responsibility Must Be Taught Patiently Parents should remember that responsibility grows over time. A young child will not carry the same responsibility as an adult. Parents must teach according to age, maturity, ability, and understanding, but they must still teach. It is a mistake to do everything for children simply because it is faster or easier. Training often takes longer than doing the task yourself. It may be easier for a parent to clean the room, solve the problem, finish the chore, or speak for the child, but parenting is not merely about getting tasks done. It is about forming character. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go.” Training takes repeated instruction. It requires patience when children forget, firmness when they resist, and encouragement when they grow. Parents should give children real responsibilities. They should expect follow-through. They should praise diligence. They should correct carelessness. They should help children see responsibility as part of honoring God. Small responsibilities today prepare children for larger responsibilities tomorrow. Parents Must Model Responsibility Children learn responsibility best when they see it. Parents should keep their word. They should admit wrong. They should work diligently. They should fulfill obligations. They should speak the truth. They should manage time wisely. They should show faithfulness in worship, family, work, and service to God. A parent who demands responsibility from children while living carelessly sends a confusing message. Children need to see that responsibility is not merely a rule for children; it is part of faithful living before God. Jesus said, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much” (Luke 16:10). Parents should model faithfulness in small and large matters alike. If parents are wrong, they should admit it. If they make a promise, they should keep it. If they have duties, they should fulfill them. If they sin, they should repent. This teaches children that responsibility does not disappear with age. It deepens. Raising Responsible Children for God The goal is not merely to raise children who can manage chores, complete assignments, or hold a job. Those things matter, but responsibility reaches deeper. Parents are raising souls who will answer to God. Children need to learn that they are responsible for their words, actions, attitudes, choices, worship, obedience, and, eventually, their response to the gospel. No parent can obey God for a child. No parent can repent for a child. No parent can believe for a child. No parent can live faithfully for a child. Each soul must answer to God. That is why responsibility must be taught early. A child who learns accountability, truthfulness, diligence, stewardship, correction, consequences, and service is being prepared for life before God. Parents should not train children to be helpless, entitled, careless, or excuse-driven. They should train them to be faithful. Responsibility is not a burden to be avoided. It is part of the life God designed. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children to accept responsibility for their choices rather than make excuses? Do my children have age-appropriate duties that help them learn diligence and stewardship? How do I respond when my child lies, shifts blame, or resists correction? Am I modeling responsibility in my own speech, work, worship, and commitments? What small responsibility can I begin teaching more consistently this week?

By Al Felder Obedience is one of the first lessons a child must learn. Before a child understands many of life’s deeper responsibilities, he must learn to listen, submit, and do what is right. This is not merely a matter of household order. It is spiritual training. A child who learns proper obedience in the home is being prepared to understand authority, responsibility, discipline, and ultimately obedience to God. The Bible says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). That statement is simple, but it is not small. God says obedience to parents is right. It is not just helpful, traditional, or optional when the child agrees; it is right because God says it is right. In a world that often teaches children to resist restraint, question every boundary, and follow their own desires, parents must teach obedience clearly, patiently, and consistently. Obedience Begins With God’s Order God designed the home with order. Parents are not placed in the home merely to provide food, shelter, clothing, and affection. They are responsible for guiding, training, correcting, and instructing their children. Children are not placed in the home as equals in authority. They are to be loved, protected, taught, and disciplined, but they are also to obey. Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” The reason given is important. Obedience is “well pleasing to the Lord.” That means a child’s obedience is not only about family peace. It is about pleasing God. Parents must help children understand this. When a child obeys his father and mother, he is doing something that God approves of. When a child refuses rightful instruction, he is not merely resisting a parent; he is resisting the order God placed in the home. That does not mean parents are perfect. It does not mean parents should be harsh, selfish, or unreasonable. God also gives instructions to fathers: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Parents must exercise authority under God’s authority, but children must still be taught that obedience matters. Obedience Is More Than Outward Compliance A child may obey outwardly while still resisting inwardly. He may do what he is told with anger in his heart. He may obey slowly, grudgingly, or only after arguing. He may comply because he has no other choice, while still refusing the spirit of obedience. Parents should teach children that biblical obedience includes the heart. This does not mean young children will always understand everything perfectly. Training takes time, but from an early age, children should learn that obedience should be respectful, prompt, and sincere. A child should not be allowed to think that arguing, eye-rolling, mocking, complaining, or delayed compliance is the same thing as obedience. Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without complaining and disputing.” That principle belongs in the home. Children need to learn that the way they obey matters. A respectful spirit is part of submission. Parents should correct not only open defiance but also the attitudes that lead to it. A rebellious tone, a stubborn look, a careless delay, or a habit of questioning every command may seem small at first, but these things shape the heart. Obedience should be taught as a matter of both action and attitude. Obedience Teaches Children Self-Control Children are not born with mature self-control. They must learn to deny impulses, wait patiently, speak respectfully, and accept correction. Obedience helps train those qualities. When a parent says, “Stop,” a child learns restraint. When a parent says, “Come,” a child learns to be responsive. When a parent says, “No,” a child learns that desire is not master. When a parent says, “Apologize,” a child learns humility. When a parent says, “Try again,” a child learns perseverance. Obedience teaches children that they are not ruled by every feeling or appetite. That lesson is essential for Christian living. A person who cannot deny himself will struggle to follow Christ. Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24). Self-denial begins in small ways. A child who learns that he cannot always have what he wants is being prepared for larger spiritual battles. He is learning that feelings must be governed, words must be controlled, and actions must be brought under authority. Parents who never require obedience are not giving their children freedom. They are leaving them enslaved to impulse. Obedience Prepares Children to Respect Authority A child’s first experience with authority is usually in the home. If he learns to despise parental authority, he may carry that same attitude toward teachers, elders, civil authorities, employers, and God. Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God.” While this passage addresses civil authority, it teaches a broader truth: authority is not meaningless. God expects people to recognize and submit to rightful authority. Children need to learn that authority is not the enemy. Proper authority is part of God’s order. Parents, elders, civil rulers, and other appointed roles each have boundaries and responsibilities, but the attitude of submission is something children must be trained to understand. This begins with simple obedience in the home. A child who is allowed to constantly challenge parental instruction may later struggle to receive correction from anyone. He may see every boundary as oppression and every command as an insult. Parents should not encourage that spirit. They should teach children to respect rightful authority while also teaching them that all human authority remains under God. Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” That means obedience to human authority is never permission to disobey God. But it also means children must learn the difference between righteous refusal and selfish rebellion. Most childhood disobedience is not noble courage. It is simply a will that has not yet learned submission. Obedience Requires Consistent Training Children do not learn obedience from occasional correction. They learn through consistent training. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training requires repetition, patience, instruction, correction, example, and time. Parents must not be surprised when children need repeated teaching. A child may need the same lesson many times before it becomes settled. That does not mean the training is failing. It means the parent must continue faithfully. Inconsistent discipline confuses children. If disobedience is corrected one day and ignored the next, children learn to test boundaries. If a parent issues a command but does not require follow-through, the child learns that parental words may not carry much weight. If a child wins through whining, delay, or emotional pressure, he learns to use those tools again. Jesus said, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37). Parents should be careful with their words. They should not make careless threats, give empty warnings, or issue commands they do not intend to enforce. Clear words and consistent follow-through help children learn that instruction matters. Obedience is not taught by anger. It is taught by faithful, calm, firm, loving consistency. Discipline Should Be Rooted in Love Discipline is often misunderstood. Some see it as harshness, and others avoid it because they want children to like them. However, biblical discipline is not cruelty; it is love in action. Hebrews 12:6 says, “For whom the LORD loves He chastens.” God’s discipline is connected to His love. A parent who disciplines rightly is not acting out of selfish irritation, but out of concern for the child’s soul and character. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” This verse shows that refusing correction is not kindness. A child left without discipline is not being loved. Discipline should never be uncontrolled, abusive, or driven by rage. Parents must not punish out of anger. They must correct the child in order to train him. The goal is not merely to stop an inconvenience. The goal is to guide the child toward what is right. Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke their children to wrath. This means parents must not be unreasonable, inconsistent, hypocritical, humiliating, or harsh. A child should see that correction comes from love, not from a parent’s loss of control. Discipline should teach. It should correct wrong behavior, address the heart, and point the child back to God. Parents Must Model Obedience Parents cannot effectively teach obedience while living in disobedience to God. Children notice whether parents submit to Scripture. They notice whether worship is treated seriously. They notice whether parents speak respectfully, tell the truth, keep promises, and repent when wrong. They notice whether parents obey God only when it is convenient. If parents want obedient children, they must be obedient people. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Parents must not only tell children to obey. They must show them what obedience to God looks like. This includes admitting wrong. A parent who sins should not pretend otherwise. Children need to see humility. They need to hear sincere apologies. They need to see repentance. This does not weaken parental authority. It strengthens the lesson that everyone is accountable to God. Parents should be able to say, by word and example, “We obey because God is Lord.” Obedience Must Lead Toward the Gospel The goal of teaching obedience is not merely to produce well-behaved children. A child may be polite, respectful, diligent, and disciplined, yet still need salvation. Parents must not confuse outward order with spiritual conversion. Obedience in the home should prepare the heart to understand obedience to God. Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Love for Christ is not separated from obedience to Christ. Children must learn that faith is not mere feeling and love is not mere words. God expects obedient trust. The gospel itself must be obeyed. Hebrews 5:9 says that Christ is “the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.” When children are old enough to understand sin, accountability, faith, repentance, confession, baptism, and faithful living, they must be taught what God requires. Parents should not pressure children into empty religious acts, but neither should they neglect to teach them the truth. Children need to understand that obedience to parents is part of training, but obedience to God is the great responsibility of every soul. Teaching Obedience in Everyday Life Obedience is taught in ordinary moments. It is taught when a child is told to put something away. It is taught when he is corrected for disrespectful speech. It is taught when he is required to tell the truth. It is taught when a child must show restraint to do what is right. It is taught when he is expected to sit reverently in worship. It is taught when he learns to apologize, forgive, work, listen, and wait. Parents should not despise these ordinary moments. They are part of spiritual formation. The child who learns obedience in daily life is being trained to recognize authority, to control himself, to receive correction, and to choose what is right. Obedience is not the only thing parents must teach their children, but it is one of the earliest and most foundational lessons. A home that teaches obedience is not a home without love. It is a home where love takes responsibility seriously. It is a home where parents understand that children need guidance, not merely permission. It is a home where God’s order is respected. Children must learn to obey not because parents are perfect, children are unimportant, or because authority should be harsh, but because God has spoken and His way is right. Reflection Questions Am I teaching my children that obedience to parents is connected to pleasing the Lord? Do I correct both outward disobedience and disrespectful attitudes? Am I consistent in requiring obedience, or do I allow whining, delay, or argument to change my instructions? Do my children see me living in obedience to God’s word? How can I make daily corrections more clearly connected to love, training, and the will of God?