Fathers & Daughters

By Al Felder

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of every woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

God appointed the man to be the head of the family unit—not for selfish control, but for responsibility, sacrifice, and spiritual leadership. And one of the most overlooked places that leadership must show itself is in a father’s relationship with his daughter. Strong fathers are needed to raise strong daughters. And if we want our little girls to grow into godly women, we must understand a sobering truth: it starts with us. 

The world is discipling your daughter—every day

Our daughters face a constant stream of pressure from popular culture. From the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed, she is surrounded by images and messages telling her how she should look, what she should wear, and how she should behave to be “acceptable.”

The world places burdens on girls that many are not emotionally prepared to carry. It promotes sensuality early, expects compliance, and then leaves behind the wreckage—eating disorders, depression, and worst of all, a life without God.

And that leads to a hard but necessary point: there is often one major barrier standing between your daughter and that attack on her soul—you. Fathers can change the course of their daughters’ lives.

1) Teach her who God is—because you shape her first view of Him

A daughter’s earliest understanding of God is often drawn from her understanding of her father. Jesus even used the image of an earthly father to help people understand the goodness of the heavenly Father (Matthew 7:11).

That should make every father pause. As your daughter is told she has a heavenly Father, she will use what she knows about fatherhood to process that truth. That means the way we live—our patience, our temper, our consistency, our gentleness, our integrity—will shape her first thoughts about God.

This is why being a good dad is not mainly about hobbies, money, or even personality—it is about godliness. Fathers must be committed to studying God’s word and molding their lives into the image of Christ.

And yes, even godly fathers fail at times. We may lose our temper, miss moments that mattered, or neglect the attention our daughter needed. Those wounds can be mended. But in those moments, she must also learn a deeper lesson: when daddy isn’t everything he should be, there is Someone stronger, wiser, and perfectly faithful—her heavenly Father.

2) Make God part of everyday life

Spiritual instruction is not meant to be occasional. God told Israel to teach His ways as part of their daily routine—when sitting at home, walking by the way, lying down, and rising up (Deuteronomy 6:7).

The principle is simple: seize ordinary moments to teach eternal truths. A father should speak about God naturally and regularly—because daughters need to know that God loves them, that He has a plan of redemption, and that forgiveness is real when repentance is real.

3) Be the kind of man you want your daughter to marry

Every man who enters your daughter’s life will be filtered through her relationship with you. The qualities you display will become the qualities she looks for in a man. In a very real sense, you are her first love.

So show her what a husband and father should be.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

A man’s role is described as a sacrifice. Christ gave Himself for the church’s welfare. Likewise, husbands and fathers must give themselves for the welfare of their family—time, attention, leadership, service, and protection.

Too often, men shift this burden onto wives—expecting her to carry the emotional and relational weight until she has nothing left. But God’s pattern places responsibility on the man. And a family will be as strong or as weak spiritually as the father’s leadership.

4) Spend time with her—because time builds strength

If you want your daughter to be strong, you must be present. Spend time with her. Eat meals together. Invite her into what you enjoy. Step into what she enjoys. Work together. Do chores together. Just be together.

A powerful point is made through a study discussed in the lesson: one of the key treatment methods used by psychologists helping girls with eating disorders is increasing the time spent with their fathers.

That doesn’t mean fathers are “to blame” for every struggle a daughter faces. But it does reveal something important: the father-daughter relationship is crucial to a girl’s self-esteem. If your daughter feels beautiful in your eyes, she has the strength to withstand the world’s pressure.

5) Live with integrity—nothing meaningful is built on secrets

A father must be honest and dependable. A man of integrity inspires trust. When you give your word, it should be sure.

Integrity also means no secret life. Secrecy is often tied to sin, and sin isolates. Whether it is pornography, an online relationship, or any hidden compromise, secrecy robs the family of time, attention, affection, and trust. And it teaches your daughter the wrong expectations for marriage.

Raise her to expect a husband with nothing to hide.

6) Teach contentment—so she learns where real joy is

“Better is little with fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith” (Proverbs 15:16).

If your daughter sees you always chasing “more,” she may believe that deep joy requires bigger houses, higher pay, more possessions, and constant upgrades. That mindset can produce dissatisfaction—first with things, then with people.

Show her a better foundation: love God, love people, and find contentment in what cannot be taken away. Even if material things disappear, life remains worth living in Christ.

7) Teach humility and set boundaries

A father must instill humility—self-restraint, responsibility, and consideration for others. Popular culture often plants the destructive belief that a girl “deserves more,” that life should orbit around her.

Yes, fathers naturally see their little girls as precious. But indulgence without limits can raise a “princess” mindset that harms future marriage and motherhood.

So set boundaries. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).

Clear boundaries give moral foundation and teach a daughter that she fits into the family—that the family does not orbit around her. In time, she learns to set boundaries for herself.

Conclusion: fight for the relationship

A father must open his eyes to his daughter’s world—and fight to save their relationship. There will be stages where she challenges you or acts as if she doesn’t care. But she does. She wants to know how much you are willing to fight for her.

Keep her connected. Keep building the bond. Keep being present. Keep spending time.

And if you do your job well, one day she will choose another good man to love her and protect her. But he will never replace you in her heart—because you were there first.