Honor Thy Father and Mother

By Al Felder

“Honor thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12).

God placed tremendous emphasis on the attitude children have toward their parents. When He gave the Ten Commandments at Sinai, the command to honor father and mother stood at the front of those commandments dealing with human relationships. The order was intentional: God comes first, and the ability to live rightly with other people begins with learning to honor father and mother.

It is also the first command given with a promise—showing that God ties blessings to this duty. Honoring parents is not a small social courtesy; it is a foundational moral command that reaches into every area of life.

Understanding the law and the command

While the Law of Moses is not the covenant binding us today, the principle behind this command is repeated and reinforced under the Law of Christ. The New Testament teaches:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1–3).

That repetition shows how seriously God takes this subject. Honoring parents was not merely an Old Testament idea. It is a lasting obligation in God’s moral order.

The seriousness of dishonoring parents

Under the Old Covenant, God attached severe punishments to rebellion against parents. A stubborn and rebellious son who would not obey could face death under the Law of Moses (Deuteronomy 21:18–21). God also condemned striking parents and cursing them (Exodus 21:15, 17). These penalties are shocking to modern thinking, but they reveal something important: God hates the sin of disrespect and rebellion toward parents.

While we are not under Israel’s civil laws today, the moral lesson remains. The actions that dishonored parents were treated as grave evils because they undermine the very structure of family, authority, and society. Disrespect does not lead to righteousness; it leads to ruin. And beyond that, it leads to spiritual death—separation from God—unless it is repented of.

The promise tied to obedience

The command includes a promise: long life and well-being. That blessing is not accidental. A child who learns restraint, self-control, and obedience is far more likely to avoid destructive paths. Parents do not make rules to “ruin” their children; they make rules to protect, guide, and help them grow into wise and godly adults.

Honoring parents also places a person under God’s favor. All spiritual blessings are in Christ, and those blessings belong to those who obey God faithfully. Honoring father and mother is not optional if we want to please the Lord.

So what does honoring parents actually look like in daily life?

1) Honor begins with respectful speech

One of the first ways children dishonor their parents is through the tongue. God condemned “cursing” father and mother—speaking evil to them or about them. Honoring parents requires a spirit of respect and reverence.

Parents occupy a position of authority granted by God. All rightful authority ultimately comes from Him, and within the home, God has delegated authority to parents over their children. A child’s respect for parents is a genuine expression of respect toward God.

That is why the way a child addresses parents matters. Scripture gives a simple but powerful picture when Isaac spoke to Abraham: “My father” (Genesis 22:7). That brief phrase reveals reverence. It shows proper honor.

In our time, disrespect has become normalized. Many young people speak to parents the same way they speak to friends. Some even call their parents by their first names. That may be common, but it is not the spirit of honor. People do not address leaders like mayors or presidents by first name out of respect for their position. Parents hold a God-given position in the home, and children should speak accordingly.

A respectful tone, respectful words, and respectful address are not “old-fashioned.” They are righteous.

2) Honor includes obedience and submission

The Bible is direct: “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).

Obedience is not selective. Children may not always like what parents require, and they may not always understand it, but God commands obedience because God gave parents the responsibility of raising children properly.

Scripture also includes the idea of subjection—not just doing what you’re told, but doing it with the right attitude. Submission involves subjecting your judgment and will to your parents’ authority while you are under their roof. That may be difficult for young people, especially when they believe they know better. But God calls for humility.

This kind of subjection is rare in modern culture, but it is beautiful when it exists. It reflects a heart that fears God.

3) Honor continues into adulthood through care and provision

Honoring parents does not end when you reach adulthood. The relationship changes—parents no longer have the same extent of authority over a married son or daughter—but the obligation to honor them remains until death.

There is a debt owed to parents that can never truly be repaid. They nurtured you, provided for you, protected you, and sacrificed for you. That should never be forgotten.

One of the clearest ways adult children honor their parents is by providing for them in old age. Jesus addressed this directly when He rebuked those who used religious tradition as an excuse to avoid caring for parents (Matthew 15:4–6). He made it clear that honoring father and mother includes meeting their needs.

The same principle is reinforced elsewhere: if a widow has family, the family should “show piety at home” and “requite their parents,” because it is good and acceptable before God (1 Timothy 5:4). Caring for aging parents is not merely a financial decision—it is a spiritual duty.

We live in a sad day where the value of life is often discarded at both ends—unwanted children and forgotten elderly. Many parents are placed in nursing homes and are rarely visited. Some children shift their parents’ care entirely onto the government. But God’s word is not unclear:

“If any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8).

That is a sobering statement. Neglecting one’s own family is not a small failure. It is a denial of basic moral duty.

Why this command matters for society—and for eternity

Honoring parents produces respect for law and order. Homes that teach honor create children who respect authority in society. When the family decays, respect for all authority collapses, and society plunges into chaos. No nation can sustain itself without well-ordered homes.

More importantly, honoring parents trains the heart to honor God. Those who truly honor father and mother are more likely to revere holy things, uphold righteousness, and pass moral character to the next generation.

The highest way to honor your parents

There is one final and greatest way to honor father and mother: turn to their God.

Godly parents raise children longing to see them obey Christ. They watch, protect, instruct, and pray—sometimes with joy and sometimes with tears. Nothing a child can do brings greater honor to faithful parents than choosing the Lord and walking in His ways.