Husbands Who Love Their Wives the Way that Christ Loves the Church

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25–29).

That command is not a vague encouragement—it is a holy standard. God calls a husband to paint a faithful picture for a watching world: Christ’s love and Christ’s leadership toward His church. When a husband neglects this calling, he doesn’t just harm his home—he distorts the image he is supposed to reflect.

The standard is high because the model is perfect. Even when the church struggles, Christ’s headship remains wise, right, and wholly oriented toward His bride’s good. Christ has given Himself for her benefit, and a husband is called to follow that same pattern in the home.

Headship is real—and it exists for God’s glory

God established an order and function in the home: the husband is the head of the wife, meaning God has delegated a measure of authority to the husband for His glory.

This difference in authority is not unique to marriage. Scripture recognizes that many relationships involve rightful authority—parents and children, elders and the church, employers and employees, governments and citizens—because order requires structure.

But biblical headship must be adequately understood, or it will be abused.

1) A husband’s authority is delegated and limited

A husband does not possess unlimited authority—only God does. The commands of God’s word limit a husband’s authority. He does not have the right to do or demand anything he wants, and he certainly has no authority to sin or pressure his wife into sin.

2) A husband’s authority is not for his own benefit

Many marital conflicts are fueled by poor leadership—when a husband uses his position to serve himself, pursue fleshly gain, act irresponsibly, or “lord it over” his wife. That is not biblical headship; it is failure.

Scripture presses the point further: a husband is to view his wife as his own body. Christ exercises headship over the church—His body—for her blessing, her safety, and her welfare. He nourishes and cherishes. A husband is called to lead with the same orientation.

The model for a husband: the Good Shepherd, not a hireling

Jesus described Himself as the Good Shepherd—one who lays down His life for the sheep and leads by example.

That picture exposes a problem in many homes: some men drift into “hireling” behavior—self-serving, self-protecting, and unwilling to sacrifice. A hireling looks for personal ease. A shepherd looks for his sheep’s good.

God has called husbands to be family shepherds—protectors and leaders whose decisions are not driven by personal desire but by the spiritual benefit of the family. Husbands should not love to rule; they should rule to love.

This is why biblical headship is more than authority—it is loving leadership.

What Christlike love looks like in a husband

If husbands are commanded to love as Christ loved the church, then the most straightforward way to understand marital love is to study the love of Christ.

Christ’s love initiates:

“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us…” (1 John 4:10).

Christ did not wait until His people were deserving. He moved first. Likewise, a husband must not wait on perfect circumstances before he loves well. He should be the initiator—seeking his wife’s benefit and conducting himself so that she is drawn closer to Christ.

Christ’s love is verbal:

God repeatedly assures His people of His love. A husband should not assume his wife “just knows.” Love must be spoken—plainly, sincerely, consistently.

That includes encouragement, appreciation, and compassionate listening—helping her carry burdens and giving strength from God’s word.

Christ’s love is demonstrated by action:

God “commendeth his love toward us” in action—Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

A husband’s love should be visible in daily life: thoughtful gestures, renewed tenderness, and practical attention—doing again the kinds of things that once showed pursuit and devotion.

Christ’s love does what is best:

Christ sanctifies and cleanses, aiming to present the church glorious, holy, and without blemish (Ephesians 5:26–27).

That means a husband’s love is not merely sentimental; it is purposeful. He seeks what is best for his wife—helping without being asked, praying for her, and leading spiritually.

Christ’s love is self-sacrificial

Christ “giveth his life for the sheep” (John 10:11).

Most husbands assume they would sacrifice in a crisis, yet everyday life often reveals the real struggle: self first, comfort first, preferences first. Christlike love flips that. It prefers the wife, seeks her interests, gives time, and makes room for what blesses her.

Love requires knowledge: learn your wife

A husband cannot love well without learning well: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge… that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

This kind of knowledge is not shallow familiarity—it is thoughtful understanding: her capabilities, her pressures, her needs, and what strengthens or discourages her.

Practical ways to grow in that knowledge include:

• Observe: look, listen, and learn.

• Ask purposeful questions: not interrogation, but sincere pursuit.

• Experience her world: walk a mile in her shoes.

  
  

Honor your wife: treat her as precious and delicate

Knowledge should produce honor—esteem, gratitude, and careful treatment.

A husband honors his wife through words and tone: speaking kindly, refusing belittlement, building her up, and correcting with encouragement rather than contempt.

Honor also shows up in service: not treating her as a servant, but serving her with genuine care.

Closing: the calling is costly—and it is worth it

To be the husband God calls a man to be, he must be willing to study and apply God’s pattern of love, even when it requires personal sacrifice. Christ loved the church to the point of death, and husbands are called to model that sacrificial love toward their wives.