Let There Be No Strife Between Me and Thee

By Al Felder

“And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren” (Genesis 13:8).

Peace and harmony are blessings from God. Yet no matter how close a relationship may be, conflict will arise at times—between husbands and wives, parents and children, and even among members of the body of Christ. The question is not whether conflict will ever appear, but how God’s people handle conflict when it disrupts relationships.

God has not left His people without guidance. Scripture provides a pattern for addressing conflict that protects relationships, strengthens the church, and honors Christ.

Conflict is not part of God’s original design

In the beginning, conflict did not exist in human relationships. There was no strife, jealousy, envy, or hatred because there was no sin. People acted toward one another with love.

But sin entered God’s creation, and the effects were immediate.

When God confronted Adam after the first sin, Adam’s response revealed how quickly sin damages relationships: “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me… she gave me… and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12). A loving husband became a blaming husband.

Not long after, Cain’s jealousy toward Abel grew into hatred and murder (Genesis 4:8). The relationship of brothers turned into enemies because sin took root in the heart.

Conflict is destructive—especially among God’s people

Conflict is a military term meaning to fight against. When two people allow themselves to become “at odds,” the relationship becomes a battlefield. And when conflict is allowed to spread among God’s people, it does tremendous damage. Unresolved conflicts drain the church of strength. It rarely stays between “just two people.” Others are drawn in, sides form, and division grows.

A congregation can become like an army thrown into confusion—turning on itself instead of standing together against the enemy. The mission suffers. Souls are neglected. The church is weakened from within. So what can be done to prevent conflict from destroying relationships?

Where conflicts truly come from

James answers that question plainly:

“From whence come wars and fighting among you?… even of your lusts that war in your members” (James 4:1–3).

Conflicts arise when what I want becomes the highest goal. It shows itself in language like 'my way,' 'my feelings,' ' my rights,' and 'my needs.' Two people dig in, build their camps, and start campaigning for what they desire. Pride and fleshly desires take the place of humility and love.

This is not the same as contending for truth against false doctrine. The focus here is conflict between people—often fueled by selfishness or mishandling personality differences.

Different personalities are not sinful, but we can sin by how we respond to those differences. And selfishness itself is sin because it violates God’s command to put others first.

Deal with conflict quickly

When conflict arises, it must be handled quickly, not postponed.

Jesus said, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow…” (Matthew 6:34). Today’s problems should be handled today. Unresolved issues from the past become a load that weakens a Christian’s ability to serve effectively.

Christ’s instruction is direct:

“If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee… first be reconciled to thy brother” (Matthew 5:23–24). Reconciliation is not a “someday” command. It is urgent. Time often makes conflict worse, not better.

The offended and the offender both have responsibility

God’s pattern calls both people to act—not one.

If someone has something against you

Before approaching anyone else, look inward. Jesus said to remove the beam from your own eye first (Matthew 7:3–5). Honest self-examination is essential because many conflicts never resolve when both people only point fingers.

If you discover that you have wronged someone, seek forgiveness. Pride cannot be allowed to keep the relationship broken.

If someone has trespassed against you

Christ also gives clear instruction:

“If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). If you believe you have been wronged, go directly to the person—privately. It is that simple.

What not to do: bitterness and gossip

Many conflicts arise because people do the opposite of what Matthew 18 says. Instead of going to the person, they go to everyone else.

James warns that bitter envying and strife are not wisdom from above; they produce confusion and every evil work (James 3:14–16).

When we carry bitterness, envy, and strife, the offense grows. And when we tell others instead of the person involved, we multiply damage. That is not God’s way.

When Scripture is applied thoroughly, both parties have an obligation—each should be moving toward reconciliation. It creates a beautiful picture: two Christians walking toward each other and meeting in the middle.

Renew the mind: stop thinking like the world

“Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).

A worldly mindset says, “Stand your ground, protect your pride, get even, demand your rights.”God’s word teaches the opposite. As Scripture renews the mind, the response to conflict changes. Problems are handled in a way that pleases God.

Practical habits that prevent conflict from escalating

Give a soft answer

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Often, one sharp response meets another, and before long, a minor irritation becomes a full-blown conflict. But a gracious response can defuse a situation before it grows.

Prefer one another

“Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth” (1 Corinthians 10:24).

It is challenging to stay offended when the heart is genuinely focused on what is best for someone else. The spirit of “self first” fuels conflict; the spirit of “others first” starves it.

Pray for one another

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another… The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). It is hard to remain bitter toward someone you are praying for. Prayer softens the heart, invites healing, and leads to peace in the body of Christ.

Conclusion: forgive as Christ forgave

Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice are fuel for conflict. God’s people must work to maintain a good attitude toward one another.

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another… even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13).

Christ sought our good when we were unlovely and ungodly. He set the ultimate example of putting others first. If we follow Him, we can face conflict without destroying relationships—and we can protect the unity and strength of the Lord’s church.