Loving Your Enemy Means Giving God Control

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

— Romans 12:18

Winning the Peace, Not the War

When conflict arises, our natural desire is to win. We want to prove we’re right, receive an apology, or expose the other person’s fault. Yet the Apostle Paul challenges us to seek something higher — peace.

The goal isn’t simply to silence the enemy, but to destroy the evil that divides us. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). True victory in conflict is not conquest, but reconciliation.

Two Conditions for Peace

Paul’s command to “live peaceably with all men” comes with two vital conditions:

1. If It Is Possible

Sometimes peace isn’t possible. The other person may refuse to cooperate, or peace may require compromising truth. For example, in the early years of faith, choosing church over family traditions may strain relationships — but peace must never come at the expense of obedience to God.

Our duty is to try, not to guarantee the outcome. As far as it depends on us, we pursue peace — even when it’s not returned.

2. As Far as It Depends on You

We cannot control others, only ourselves. When you’ve prayed, reached out, and acted in love — even if peace never comes — you can rest knowing you’ve done your part before God.

This is where frustration often arises. We long for resolution, but we can’t force hearts to change. The helplessness we feel in conflict is often God’s invitation to step aside and let Him work.

Making Room for God

Paul writes, “Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

To “give place to God” means to let Him take control of the situation. Too often we try to fix things our way — through arguments, manipulation, or silence. But peace comes when we move over and let God sit at the table.

Here’s why that matters:

• God judges perfectly. His understanding is flawless; ours is limited.

• God cares perfectly. He feels our pain and desires healing, not revenge.

• God heals perfectly. As Yahweh Rapha — the Lord who heals — He can restore broken hearts and even broken relationships.

  Even if reconciliation never happens, God can still bring peace to your heart.

  
  

Overwhelm Evil with Love

Paul continues:

“If your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.”— Romans 12:20

To love your enemy doesn’t mean ignoring wrong — it means responding to wrong with good. Paul offers three practical steps:

1. Find a Need. Identify what your enemy truly lacks — understanding, respect, or kindness — and meet that need.

2. Use What You Have. God used His greatest resource, His Son, to meet our need. What can you give that will reflect His heart?

3. Heap on the Good. Keep showing kindness even when it’s not returned. Persistent love produces conviction — not to humiliate, but to bring repentance and restoration.

Loving an enemy takes courage and humility. It may not change the other person immediately, but it will always change you.

The Final Peace

There will always be people who oppose us. Sometimes, we are even the enemy in someone else’s story. But as followers of Christ, our calling is not to retaliate — it is to trust God, pursue peace, and overcome evil with good.

The best-case scenario is peace between you, your enemy, and God. The worst-case scenario? Peace between you and your Lord — and that’s victory enough.