Raising Boys to Be Godly Men

Al Felder
3 days ago
7 min read

By Al Felder

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Picture the man you want your son to become. You can imagine the externals—his job, the home he lives in, the hobbies he enjoys, the accomplishments he achieves. Then strip all that away. Remove the career, possessions, titles, and status symbols. What do you hope remains?

What you find underneath is what matters most: character.

When hard pressure comes, will he show courage or compromise? When he faces temptation, will he stand firm or drift with the crowd? When he becomes a husband and a father, will he put his family first—or himself? If we want our boys to become men we respect—men of character—then we must raise them with a clear vision and a deliberate plan.

Because the world is not neutral. The world is forming boys every day.

The world is attacking what it means to be a man

Our culture often portrays men as shallow, foolish, driven by lust, and incapable of leadership. Boys are fed this picture so often that many begin to believe it is normal. On top of that, boys are surrounded by constant sexual messaging—often disguised as comedy, entertainment, and “just jokes.” The effect is not harmless. Every time a boy consumes that filth, something shifts inside him. His view of women becomes distorted, and his view of purity becomes cheapened.

Jesus warned that “the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches” can choke the word so that a person becomes unfruitful (Matthew 13:22). The world is after our boys. If we allow it, it will feed them a false definition of masculinity and quietly suffocate faith before it ever has the chance to grow deep roots.

And if we do nothing, the world will train them for us.

Boys need fathers who lead

God placed spiritual leadership in the home on the shoulders of fathers: “Ye fathers… bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). That means fathers are not optional accessories in the development of sons. A father is meant to be a steady guide—someone who teaches, corrects, models, and leads.

A boy’s world is shaped by his father. In a son’s eyes, his dad is often the source of the “right answers.” He sets rules because he knows the rules. He disciplines because he understands consequences. He leads because God gave him that responsibility.

When a father invests time, attention, affection, and approval, a boy learns, “I matter.” And that sense of being valued stabilizes him. It strengthens him against temptation. It helps him resist the shallow voices of society. It gives him confidence without arrogance and strength without cruelty.

Many parents try to give boys happiness through things—clothes, money, toys, the newest technology, nonstop activities, and constant entertainment. But the greatest thing boys need more of is not stuff. They need us. They need life beside their fathers.

Start with God: the anchor every boy needs

A boy needs an ultimate authority bigger than himself. Teaching him about God gives him an anchor—purpose, direction, and a foundation for moral clarity.

Scripture says it plainly: “Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). That truth answers life’s biggest questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What is right and wrong? What should I do when no one is watching? What do I do with guilt? Where do I find forgiveness? What is my purpose?

Boys have a hunger for meaning. If we don’t fill that hunger with God, the world will fill it with counterfeits—power, lust, entertainment, ego, and pride.

That is why the best time to teach is when they are young and receptive. Teach them what you believe and why you believe it from Scripture. Build moral structure early. If that structure isn’t built, other things will take its place later—and those things will not lead your son toward righteousness.

And this requires sacrifice. Many homes grow spiritually weak for simple reasons: people are tired, schedules are full, and spiritual routine gets pushed to the back burner. But religious ignorance robs boys of the answers they desperately need. If you want the best for your son, teach him about God.

Refuse to excuse bad behavior—teach accountability

One of the worst parenting traps is making excuses for a boy’s wrong choices. It can sound like this:

“If the teacher understood him, he’d do better.”
“If other people weren’t so unfair, he wouldn’t get in trouble.”
“It wasn’t really his fault.”

That mindset teaches a boy that responsibility belongs to everyone else.

Accountability is one of the main pillars of manhood. A godly man owns his choices. He doesn’t play the victim. He doesn’t blame the world. He doesn’t hide behind excuses. If he does wrong, he faces it, corrects it, and learns from it.

Scripture gives a sobering warning in the example of Eli. He was a judge of Israel and a man who should have known better. But he tolerated and minimized his sons' sins, and their corruption brought severe consequences. The lesson is clear: when a father ignores wrong or excuses it, he helps shape the very behavior he claims to hate.

So teach your son to say three words that build a man: “I was wrong.”Then teach him the next three words: “I’ll do right.”

Teach integrity: truthfulness as a masculine virtue

Young boys often have a strong conscience. When they lie, their face gives them away. They feel the tension because they know deception is weakness.

God’s word is direct: “Lie not one to another” (Colossians 3:9). Lying does more than break a rule. It damages a boy’s soul. It trains him to evade the truth rather than stand in it.

Parents also make a serious mistake when they teach “white lies.” When adults encourage a boy to bend the truth for convenience, they throw his moral compass off. He begins to believe honesty is optional—something you practice when it benefits you. That is how integrity dies.

Honesty is honorable. It builds trust. It makes a man dependable. And dependable men are rare and valuable.

If you want your son to become a strong man, train him to be truthful even when it costs him.

Teach courage: the strength that puts all other virtues into action

Courage is what makes a boy willing to do right under pressure.

God once looked for someone who would “stand in the gap,” but He found none (Ezekiel 22:30). The absence of courage always leads to collapse. Because courage is what activates the rest:

Integrity needs courage to speak the truth.
Humility needs courage to admit fault.
Kindness needs courage to resist cruelty.
Purity needs courage to say no.

Boys face constant pressure to fit the mold society creates. But a boy who does right when pushed knows something powerful: he can control himself. That self-mastery becomes honor and self-respect—the kind that doesn’t depend on applause.

Teach humility: strength without superiority

Humility is balance. It is the ability to see yourself accurately—valuable, but not more valuable than others. Scripture calls God’s people to “humbleness of mind” and “meekness” (Colossians 3:12).

A boy who believes he is superior will eventually crush others—especially those closest to him. That kind of pride isolates a man. It breeds loneliness, anger, and self-destruction.

Humble boys are different. They can rejoice in others’ success. They can show mercy to weakness. They can be friends without always competing. And humility naturally produces respect—toward parents, teachers, elders, women, and peers.

Humility doesn’t make a boy weak. It makes him stable.

Teach meekness: power under control

Meekness is not frailty. Meekness is constrained power.

A true picture of meekness is not a weak man who can’t fight. It is a strong man who can—but chooses control. He has strength, energy, drive, and ability, but his power is harnessed and guided.

This is where discipline matters. Boys must learn that uncontrolled anger, reckless aggression, and harmful behavior bring consequences. A boy learns self-control when he understands that wrong actions collide with a stronger force—parental authority and correction. Over time, that external restraint becomes internal restraint.

A meek man is not a man who lacks power. He is a man who has learned to govern it.

Teach kindness: the virtue that strengthens a man

Many people treat kindness as softness. Scripture treats it as strength.

A kind boy grows into a man who becomes a better friend, a stronger husband, and a steadier leader because he doesn’t live for himself alone. Kindness trains a man to consider burdens beyond his own. It deepens compassion. It matures relationships.

One practical way to develop kindness early is to train a boy’s tongue. Teach him to speak well of others rather than tear them down. Our culture thrives on mockery. It runs on insults, sarcasm, and humiliation. But speech and behavior walk together. When you train a boy to speak with respect, you are training him to treat people with respect.

Train his tongue, and over time, you shape his thinking.

The real goal: who he becomes, not what he achieves

Happiness in young men does not come from jumping higher, being more popular, or winning more trophies. It comes from solid character.

Your son needs to know what you think of him beneath all the “stuff.” Do you respect who he is becoming? Do you praise his integrity more than his performance? Do you value his humility more than his image? Boys become what they are praised for.

You cannot control every circumstance your son will face. But you can shape the foundation he stands on. You can teach him who he should be according to God’s word.

And the simplest commitment that would change many homes is this: give your son more of you. Not just your paycheck. Not just your rules. Not just your corrections. Give him your time—life beside you—so he can learn what manhood looks like in a godly home.

Practicing what is taught

Here are a few simple ways to apply these principles this week:

Schedule a father-son hour (or two): no phone, no distractions—just time together.
Start a short daily Bible habit: read one chapter, discuss one point, and pray briefly.
Build one character focus for the week (integrity, courage, humility, etc.). Define it, talk about it, watch for it, and praise it when you see it.
Correct excuses immediately: replace blame with responsibility—“What could you have done differently?”
Train the tongue: require respectful speech about siblings, teachers, teammates, and girls.