What Every Young Man Should Look For in a Young Woman

By Al Felder

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

Our world knows the value of preparation. If a man wants to enter a trade, profession, or even a hobby seriously, he is expected to learn, train, and prepare. Yet one of the most important commitments a man can ever make—marriage—is often entered with little thought beyond feelings, attraction, and convenience.

That is backwards.

Marriage is not something a man should “figure out later.” A wise young man prepares for it before he ever stands at the altar. And the only reliable place to learn what a wife must be—and what a husband must be—is the word of God.

If you want a godly home, you must start with a godly foundation. And if it is true that a woman becomes the heart of the home, then a young man must ask a serious question before he gives his heart away:

What kind of heart do I want my home to have?

Not a heart shaped by the world’s confusion. Not a heart driven by rebellion, pride, and sensuality. But a heart shaped by Christ.

So what should a young man look for?

There are many qualities that matter, but four characteristics are so foundational that a woman must have them—at least be clearly developing them—before she is truly qualified for the role of wife and mother as God designed it.

1) Look first for a truly Christian young woman

This must be the first filter. Not “religious.” Not “spiritual.” Not “goes to church sometimes.” Not “claims the name.”

A Christian is a follower of Christ—someone who has denied self and submitted to the authority of Jesus. The name itself implies ownership: Christ rules life.

That matters because God’s design for the home requires submission to Christ before submission to a husband can be meaningful. Scripture says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). A woman who has not first submitted to the Lord will not consistently submit to her husband in the way God intends—especially when it costs her pride, preference, or comfort.

This is also why the spiritual direction of a home cannot be stable when two opposing masters are present. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). Marriage is a partnership, and partnerships fail when two people are building two different lives.

A young man should think soberly: if the spiritual “heart” of the home is not godly, how will the home ever be godly?

2) Look for a young woman who uses her single years to grow in God’s ways

This is where many young people miss the value of youth.

The single years are a unique season. Responsibilities are generally fewer. Time can be invested more freely. And that season can become a powerful period of growth—if it is used wisely.

Scripture emphasizes the value of faithful youth: “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example… in word… in charity… in faith… in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).

A young woman who uses her life to learn Scripture, develop spiritual habits, serve others, and deepen her commitment to Christ is preparing for the roles she will one day fill. A woman does not become a godly wife and mother by accident. She becomes that way by devotion to God long before marriage.

A young man should look for evidence of this devotion:

• Does she take worship seriously—or treat it casually?

• Does she love God’s people—or merely tolerate them?

• Does she pursue spiritual growth—or only entertainment and attention?

• Does she care about purity—or flirt with temptation?

Marriage will not improve spiritual immaturity. It usually magnifies it. So don’t ignore what you see now.

3) Look for a young woman who respects biblical leadership

This is not about a man seeking a woman he can dominate. God condemns harshness and selfish control. Biblical leadership is sacrifice, responsibility, and love.

But the home cannot function according to God’s order without a wife who respects that order.

“The head of the woman is the man” (1 Corinthians 11:3).“And the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1).

A wife can help a man build a godly home—or she can constantly tear down everything he tries to build. The difference often lies in her attitude toward authority and her willingness to submit to God’s design.

One practical way to discern this is to look at how she treats her parents. If she is rebellious toward the authority God placed over her in her youth, she is showing a deeper issue with authority itself. And if she resents authority now, she will likely resent it later.

A home does not need a heart of contention. It needs a heart of joyful service to Christ.

4) Look for a young woman willing to make the home a priority

God designed the home to be nurtured, guided, managed, protected, and strengthened. That work does not happen automatically. It happens because someone makes the home a priority.

Scripture presents the home as a sacred assignment, not a side project.

A wife may have many skills and capabilities—Proverbs 31 shows a woman who is industrious and productive in many ways. But even there, the center of her labor is clear: her family and her household are served by everything she does.

A young man should understand something simple but weighty:

The greatest gift you can give your children is not more money. It is a godly home.

And a godly home requires a wife who values her role, embraces it with dignity, and places family above the world’s applause.

This does not reduce womanhood—it elevates it. It honors God’s design. And it provides children with the stability they desperately need.

Common confusion: the world’s “woman” vs. God’s “woman”

Young men today often feel confused because the world parades a distorted picture of femininity: immodesty treated as empowerment, aggression treated as strength, loudness treated as confidence, and spiritual immaturity treated as normal.

But God’s picture is different:

• modesty with dignity

• strength with gentleness

• wisdom with humility

• purity with conviction

• service with joy

So a young man must decide early: Will I choose by the world’s standards—or by God’s?

A simple checklist for a wise young man

Before you pursue a relationship, ask:

1. Is she truly devoted to Christ—or merely familiar with religious language?

2. Does she show evidence of spiritual growth and maturity?

3. Does she respect God’s pattern for leadership and authority?

4. Does she value the home as a sacred responsibility?

5. Do her habits, clothing, speech, friendships, and goals point toward holiness—or toward the world?

If the answer is unclear, slow down. Emotions can move faster than wisdom.

Practicing what is taught

Here are practical ways a young man can apply these principles immediately:

• Prepare yourself first. Become the kind of man a godly woman should want—faithful, pure, responsible, steady, and devoted to Christ.

• Refuse to “date for fun.” Only pursue relationships with purpose and purity.

• Ask harder questions early. Don’t wait months to find out what she believes about worship, marriage roles, modesty, and raising children.

• Watch her patterns, not her promises. Words are easy. Consistency reveals character.

• Seek counsel from faithful Christians. Pride isolates. Wisdom listens.