Wives Who Submit unto Their Husbands the Way that the Church Submits unto Christ

By Al Felder

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church… Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24).

In these verses, God reveals a deeper understanding of marriage—one that lifts it far above preference, personality, or culture. Marriage was designed to represent something holy: Christ’s covenant relationship with the church.

In that picture, a husband and wife portray to a lost world the relational oneness that exists between Christ and His people. Wives, in this relationship, portray the church—showing what it looks like for God’s people to be subject to their Savior.

This subject is not popular in modern society. For years, the differences between men and women have been downplayed, and distinctions of role are treated as offensive. But the tension between the sexes is not new, and if we want to understand it, we must begin where God begins: in the beginning.

God’s design: equal in value, different in role

Genesis teaches that both man and woman were created in the image of God: “male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:26–27). That means both are equal in value and dignity. Neither sex is more valuable than the other. Scripture reinforces this truth when it says the husband is to honor his wife and recognize that they are “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). The wife is not a lesser person. She bears God’s image and must be treated with honor.

At the same time, Genesis also teaches that equality of value does not mean sameness of role. Genesis 2 gives a closer view that shows order and responsibility: the man was created first, and that order establishes headship and submission as part of God’s original design.

Paul reflects this creation order in 1 Corinthians 11:8–9: “the woman [is] of the man… created for the man.” In the beginning, the picture is beautiful: a sinless man who is strong and tender in moral leadership, and a sinless woman who is joyful and supportive in response—no belittling from the man, no groveling from the woman, and no conflict between their roles.

When sin entered, the order was attacked and confusion followed

Satan hates God’s order. He rejected his own role because he wanted to be god, and he delights in twisting what God has established. That is precisely what happened in Genesis 3. Satan approached the woman, making her the spokesperson—something that should not have happened according to God’s pattern of leadership. The man stood silent, passive, and withdrawn. The result was ruin.

When the New Testament says the woman was deceived (1 Timothy 2:14), the point is not that women are morally inferior or more gullible. The point is that great ruin follows when God’s order is rejected, and both men and women become more vulnerable to error when they forsake God’s arrangement.

Sin introduced confusion that has lasted through the ages: masculinity and femininity are denied, men become passive, women become aggressive, and society becomes confused about what a man should be and what a woman should be.

Sin also damaged how men and women respond to one another. Adam blamed Eve (Genesis 3:12), showing the beginning of hostility and mistreatment. And God told Eve, “thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16). That “desire” is clarified by the parallel language in Genesis 4:6–7, where sin “desired” Cain—meaning it sought to overpower and dominate him. Cain was told he must rule over it.

In the relationship between man and woman after the fall, conflict emerges—an ongoing battle of domination and control. Men often misuse physical strength to rule harshly. Women may not possess the same physical strength, but sin still tempts them toward manipulation—through words, influence, or using weakness as leverage to subdue a man. That is not God’s design. That is sin’s distortion.

Redemption restores God’s pattern

In Christ, God calls both man and woman to break the bonds of sin and return to His original design for marriage. A husband portrays Christ’s loving headship of the church, and a wife portrays the church’s joyful submission to Christ. That brings us back to the command: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

What submission means

The word “submit” is a military term meaning to rank under. It involves more than outward obedience; it also includes an attitude of subjecting one’s judgment and will to another within God’s appointed order.

This does not mean the woman is inferior. Consider Christ Himself. Philippians 2:6–8 shows that Jesus is equal with God, yet He humbled Himself and became obedient to carry out the plan of redemption.

Likewise, a wife submits so that God’s plan for the family can be carried out.

“In everything” and the two clarifications that must be made

Ephesians 5:24 says, “as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” That means the husband’s role as leader, protector, and provider touches all areas of life.

But two crucial clarifications keep this command from being distorted.

1) Submission does not mean a wife can’t think, speak, or contribute

God created woman to be a helper—not helpless. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10–12 shows a wife whose husband safely trusts her—nothing hidden, no fear of ridicule, and a profound unity of heart and purpose.

Biblical submission includes a wife using her gifts to help her husband: offering wisdom, insight, prayer, and encouragement—not to take over leadership, but to strengthen and support it. And when differences arise, submission means she does not manipulate to get her way; she follows his lead.

2) Submission never places a husband in God’s place

God comes first. If a husband asks his wife to sin, her obedience must be to God. Acts 5:29 clearly states the principle: “We ought to obey God rather than men.” A husband’s authority is delegated, not absolute. He is the head of the home to carry out God’s plan—not his own. So while a husband is first in human relationships, God always takes precedence over all.

Conclusion: submission honors God

Colossians 3:16–18 connects the wife’s role to a life governed by God’s word: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” A wife honors God when she submits—showing that obeying God matters more than getting her way, and portraying to the world the church’s reverent submission to Christ. When God’s design is embraced—without pride, without abuse, without manipulation—marriage becomes what it was always meant to be: a living picture of Christ and His people.