Three Keys to Loving Your Enemy — The Radical Call of Christian Love

Al Felder
Oct 18
3 min read

“Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.… Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

— Romans 12:14–21

The Challenge of Loving Those Who Hurt Us

Loving our enemies may be one of the most complex commands in all of Scripture. Yet God calls every Christian to practice it—not because it’s easy, but because it reveals His nature in us. Romans 12:14–21 gives us a roadmap for how to live at peace with all people, even those who have wronged us.

Paul doesn’t suggest this as an optional virtue; he frames it as a defining mark of true discipleship. In these verses, we find three key steps that make such love possible.

1. Walk a Mile in Their Shoes

Paul commands believers to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). It’s easy to celebrate the success of friends—but much harder to rejoice when someone we dislike prospers. Likewise, it’s natural to comfort those we love, but difficult to mourn with someone who has hurt us.

Paul’s point is clear: genuine love requires empathy. When we try to understand another’s perspective, we often discover that their actions—though wrong—stem from fear, pain, or ignorance. Understanding doesn’t justify sin, but it softens our hearts toward those who commit it.

He adds, “Be of the same mind one toward another… Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate” (Romans 12:16). To love our enemies, we must give up the feeling of moral superiority that keeps us from truly forgiving.

2. Never Take Revenge

Paul continues, “Recompense to no man evil for evil… Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:17–19).

Revenge feels natural. Every story we see in the world celebrates the hero who “gets even.” But God calls us to a higher standard. The desire for justice is not wrong—but taking justice into our own hands is. That is God’s jurisdiction, not ours.

David understood this when he refused to harm King Saul, even though Saul sought his life. David trusted that God would deliver perfect justice in His own time.

Refusing revenge doesn’t mean we remain passive. It means we actively choose good over evil—through forgiveness, prayer, and faith that God will do what is right. Every time we resist vengeance, we proclaim that our trust is not in ourselves, but in the Lord.

3. Plan Something Beautiful

Paul concludes, “Provide things honest in the sight of all men” (Romans 12:17). The phrase literally means, “Plan ahead to do what is beautiful and good.”

When someone hurts you, your emotions will always push you toward reaction. But Scripture calls us to stop, pray, and plan a godly response instead. James wrote, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19).

Doing “something beautiful” means more than simply avoiding retaliation. It means going beyond what’s expected—responding with kindness that reflects Christ. Jesus went to the cross not merely to satisfy justice, but to display beauty—the beauty of grace.

Paul urges us to make our goodness visible: “Do it in the sight of all men.” When others see you respond with humility, grace, and strength, they see what real Christianity looks like. As Paul said, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).

Living Out the Lesson

A modern example of “doing something beautiful” occurred when Brandt Jean, the brother of Botham Jean, publicly forgave the police officer who killed his brother. In court, he hugged her and urged her to find forgiveness in Christ. That act of grace moved millions and bore witness to the transforming power of God’s love.

True love for enemies is not a passive emotion—it is an active, intentional, Spirit-filled decision.