An Ordered Life

By Al Felder

Righteous Living Includes Order

When Paul describes the righteous life in Ephesians, he does not limit righteousness to private devotion or internal character alone. Righteousness shows up in relationships—especially in the places where life is most demanding: the home and the daily responsibilities of society.

That is why the Scriptures give clear teaching about an ordered life. God is not the author of confusion. He is the God of purpose, design, and peace. And because the family is the basic unit of society, Paul begins there. When order collapses in the home, disorder spreads outward into everything else.

An ordered life is not about dominance, harshness, or pride. It is about faithfully accepting God’s arrangement and living it with the spirit of Christ.

Orderly Family

Wives: Willing Submission “As unto the Lord”

Paul calls wives to submit to their own husbands “as unto the Lord.” The language Paul uses reflects the idea of ranking under—yielding willingly, not because the wife is inferior, but because she is obeying God by honoring the order He established.

Paul explains why: the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Just as there is one head over the body, God established headship within marriage to create harmony and to mirror something greater—Christ and His church. Marriage is designed to reflect the spiritual reality of the Savior and His people.

This submission is not a cultural trend from one era. Paul ties it to the church’s relationship with Christ—an ongoing, permanent reality. As long as marriage exists in this world, God’s design remains: the wife yields to her husband’s leadership.

That also means this is something Christian women should weigh carefully before marriage. Marriage is not independence. It is a covenant of mutual dependence and shared life. A wise woman asks, “Is this the kind of man I can faithfully follow?” because God’s design requires more than romance—it requires trust in God’s order.

Husbands: Sacrificial Love Like Christ

Paul gives husbands one central command: love your wives. But he doesn’t define love by the world’s standards. He defines it by Christ.

The love Paul requires is not merely attraction, friendship, or family affection. The word used points to a sacrificial, intentional love—the kind of love that gives, serves, and protects. Christ’s love for His bride included sacrifice, teaching, cleansing, and faithful care until she could be presented holy and without blemish. That is the pattern for husbands.

In God’s design, a husband’s headship is never permission to be selfish. It is a call to lead like Christ. That means patience, tenderness, honor, provision, and a willingness to put his wife’s good ahead of his own convenience. A man who loves his wife this way is not weakening himself—he is obeying God and building a home where peace can grow.

And Paul explains the spiritual logic: in marriage, the two become one flesh. Loving one’s wife is not loving someone “outside” of oneself. It is loving the one with whom God has joined him. A man who truly understands this will not treat his wife as a tool to satisfy his desires or a servant to replace his mother. He will treat her as a gift from God.

When husbands love as Christ loves, wives can submit with joy and trust. Much of the conflict and confusion in modern homes comes from resisting the roles God established—either through selfish leadership or through rejecting submission. God’s order brings harmony when it is lived with Christlike character.

Children and Fathers: Obedience with Nurture

Paul then addresses children: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” The command is clear, but it is also bound—obedience “in the Lord,” meaning children are not being trained to follow sin, but to respect godly authority and learn the ways of Christ.

Paul also speaks directly to fathers: do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Authority is not given, so a father can crush a child’s spirit. Children have hearts and feelings, and harshness or neglect can wound them deeply. God expects fathers to lead in training, discipline, and instruction shaped by Christ—not by personal whims or ungodly cultural customs.

In many homes today, the failure is not excessive harshness but neglect—absence, inconsistency, and poor example. But God’s design is steady leadership: children obey, and fathers guide with Christlike discipline and care.

Orderly Society

Work Done “As unto Christ”

Paul then moves from the home to society. In his day, he addressed servants and masters. The social structure was different, but the spiritual principle remains: regardless of your position, righteousness is shown by how you conduct yourself under God’s authority.

Those under authority are called to sincere obedience—not eye-service, not hypocrisy, not outward compliance while despising authority in the heart. The work is to be done “as unto Christ,” with goodwill, knowing that God sees and rewards faithful service.

This transforms ordinary labor into spiritual service. A Christian’s integrity is proven when no one is watching, when the task is hard, and when the authority above him is imperfect. Faithfulness in work is part of an ordered life.

Authority with Fairness and Fear of God

To those in authority, Paul gives a sobering reminder: everyone has the same Master in heaven. God shows no partiality. Masters and servants will be judged by the same standard. That truth should remove cruelty, threats, and abuse of power.

The principle carries into today’s world. Employers, supervisors, and leaders must not govern by fear, coercion, or selfish domination. The Master motivates His people through truth, kindness, encouragement, generosity, and righteous authority—not tyranny. Those who lead must remember they, too, are under authority.

Why This Matters

An ordered life is not about tradition. It is about God’s wisdom. God designed marriage to reflect Christ and the church. He designed family roles to produce stability and peace. He designed authority in society to be exercised responsibly and under accountability to Him.

When these patterns are embraced with humility and love, homes become stronger, children are steadied, and society benefits from righteousness lived out in ordinary relationships. But when God’s order is rejected, confusion grows—first in the home, then in everything that follows.

The goal is not to win arguments about roles. The goal is to honor Christ in every relationship. Order lived in the spirit of Christ becomes a testimony: God’s design works.

Reflection Questions

1. Do I view God’s order in the home as a burden, or as wisdom meant to produce peace and stability?

2. If I am a husband, do I lead through sacrificial love like Christ—or through selfishness and convenience?

3. If I am a wife, do I practice willing submission “as unto the Lord,” or do I resist God’s design when it conflicts with my preferences?

4. If I am a parent, am I training children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord—or provoking them through harshness, neglect, or inconsistency?

5. In my work and responsibilities, do I serve sincerely “as unto Christ,” and do I treat others fairly, knowing we share the same Master in heaven?