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By Al Felder   “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her” (Genesis 29:20). Our society is built around convenience—getting what we want when we want it. Patience is treated like a weakness, and determination is often replaced with shortcuts. But Genesis reminds us that Jacob’s willingness to work and wait was not meaningless; it showed the kind of seriousness marriage deserves. Marriage is not a casual arrangement. It is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman, and it shapes everything that follows—your spiritual stability, your peace in the home, and the kind of environment your children will be raised in. That means a young woman must be careful, intentional, and wise in choosing a young man. Our culture often sells young women an image: broad-chested, empty-headed, shallow men—overgrown boys dressed up as “real men.” But God’s word gives a different standard. There are things a man must be  before he is qualified to assume the role of a husband and father. This is not an exhaustive list of every virtue that matters, but there are four foundational characteristics  that must be present—or at least clearly developing—before a young man is truly suitable for marriage as God designed it: He must be a Christian . He must be committed to biblical leadership . He must be a protector . He must be a provider . A man who lacks these traits is failing the basic “job description” God laid out for husbands. 1) Look first for a truly Christian young man This point must be handled carefully, as the word  'Christian'  is used lightly today. Many people claim the name while having little understanding of what it means or entails. A Christian is a follower of Christ. That means his life is no longer centered on self, but on Jesus. His beliefs, priorities, moral standards, goals, and decisions are shaped by what God says—not simply by what he prefers. A Christian understands that faith is not lip service. It is obedience, sacrifice, and commitment to bring honor and glory to God (Acts 11:26; 1 Peter 4:16). Why is this the first and most important requirement? Because the husband is called to reflect Christ in the home: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Ephesians 5:23). A man who does not belong to Christ cannot lead like Christ. He cannot reflect on what he does not follow. And here is the reality many ignore until it is too late: when a Christian joins life with someone who is not truly devoted to God, two opposing spiritual directions exist under one roof. Those directions eventually collide—over worship, modesty, moral boundaries, friendships, entertainment, finances, the training of children, and the home's purpose itself. Scripture asks a simple question: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). Marriage is the most serious partnership on earth. A young woman should not enter it hoping spiritual problems will “work out later.” So the first filter is clear: look for a young man who truly belongs to Christ. 2) Look for a young man committed to biblical leadership Biblical leadership is often misunderstood in two opposite ways. Some men undervalue leadership. They shrink from it, avoid it, and quietly let the wife carry the spiritual load, the emotional load, and often even the financial burden. That is not leadership—it is neglect. Other men overvalue leadership. They turn it into control and act like headship means barking orders while everyone else exists to serve them. That is not biblical leadership either. That is pride. True biblical leadership is rooted in the word of God and shaped by Christ. Scripture says a man must not be a hearer only, but a doer (James 1:23–24). If a man is committed to Scripture, it will show. His character will have visible fruit. A godly leader must also have vision : “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he” (Proverbs 29:18). Leadership means you are headed somewhere. A man must have a spiritual direction for his life—and eventually for his home. At its most basic level, that direction must include regular Bible reading and prayer. And here is the truth: that will not happen by accident. Family life is demanding. Schedules are full. People rush from work to obligations to chores to exhaustion. If a man has no plan to study Scripture, it will be neglected. A man committed to leadership will intentionally build spiritual structure into life rather than “hoping it happens.” Biblical leadership is also selfless : “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Christ’s leadership was a sacrifice. It was patience. It was a restraint. It was a willingness to do what was best for others. One practical indicator of selfishness is how a young man responds to authority. If he refuses to submit to rules and constantly pushes against boundaries—especially in a girlfriend’s home—he is revealing an attitude that does not translate into healthy leadership later. A home cannot be safely led by a man who cannot govern himself. A young woman should also observe his view of children. Scripture places responsibility on fathers: “Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). A man should be willing to have children, support children, train children, and discipline children. Watch how he interacts with kids. Does he delight in them? Does he show patience? Or does he treat children as interruptions? A man who is committed to biblical leadership will show it now—not merely promise it later. 3) Look for a young man who is a protector Protection is more than physical strength. It includes spiritual discernment, moral courage, and a willingness to stand in the gap. Genesis offers a sobering lesson in the fall. Eve was deceived, but Adam was held responsible as the leader. God addressed Adam first, showing that leadership carries accountability. A man’s failure to lead is not a small failure—it is a failure that exposes the whole home. A protector understands that the success or failure of the home rests heavily upon him. He does not shift blame to his wife. He does not pass responsibility to others. He recognizes that leadership includes guarding what is entrusted to him. So how can a young woman discern whether a man will be a protector? Is he committed to righteousness?  A man who is careful about his own spiritual life will be careful about the spiritual safety of those under his care. How does he treat the weak?  Does he overlook them, mock them, or use them? Or does he show compassion and responsibility? How does he treat the powerful?  Does he fear men and change his convictions to fit the room? Or does he speak truth with courage? A protector does not have to be loud. He does not have to be aggressive. But he must be brave enough to do what is right when it costs him. 4) Look for a young man who is a provider Scripture is direct: “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). Provision is not about being rich. It is about being responsible. Biblical manhood is characterized by a willingness to work, a willingness to bear burdens, and a refusal to let the home collapse under neglect. This also means a man must have the maturity to resist society’s pressure to chase endless accumulation. A provider is not a workaholic who sacrifices his family on the altar of money. That is not provision—it is abandonment with a paycheck. A true provider works to meet the family's basic needs and build stability in the home. And one of the greatest forms of provision a man can offer is the kind that many people no longer value: the ability for his wife to guide the home.  A man who embraces his role makes it possible for his wife to embrace hers. Practicing what is taught If you’re a young woman trying to apply these principles in real life, here are practical steps that bring clarity: Use the four foundations as non-negotiables.  Don’t date, hoping someone becomes what he is not currently striving to be. Watch patterns more than promises.  Words are easy; consistent character is rare. Pay attention to his relationship with authority.  A man who cannot control himself will not lead a home well. Observe his faith in ordinary life.  Does he love worship? Is he serious about holiness? Is he disciplined in speech and conduct? Have honest conversations early.  What does he believe about marriage roles, children, discipline, modesty, and spiritual priorities?

By Al Felder “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Our world knows the value of preparation. If a man wants to enter a trade, profession, or even a hobby seriously, he is expected to learn, train, and prepare. Yet one of the most important commitments a man can ever make—marriage—is often entered with little thought beyond feelings, attraction, and convenience. That is backwards. Marriage is not something a man should “figure out later.” A wise young man prepares for it before he ever stands at the altar. And the only reliable place to learn what a wife must be—and what a husband must be—is the word of God. If you want a godly home, you must start with a godly foundation. And if it is true that a woman becomes the heart of the home, then a young man must ask a serious question before he gives his heart away: What kind of heart do I want my home to have? Not a heart shaped by the world’s confusion. Not a heart driven by rebellion, pride, and sensuality. But a heart shaped by Christ. So what should a young man look for? There are many qualities that matter, but four characteristics are so foundational that a woman must have them—at least be clearly developing them—before she is truly qualified for the role of wife and mother as God designed it. 1) Look first for a truly Christian young woman This must be the first filter. Not “religious.” Not “spiritual.” Not “goes to church sometimes.” Not “claims the name.” A Christian is a follower of Christ—someone who has denied self and submitted to the authority of Jesus. The name itself implies ownership: Christ rules life. That matters because God’s design for the home requires submission to Christ before  submission to a husband can be meaningful. Scripture says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). A woman who has not first submitted to the Lord will not consistently submit to her husband in the way God intends—especially when it costs her pride, preference, or comfort. This is also why the spiritual direction of a home cannot be stable when two opposing masters are present. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). Marriage is a partnership, and partnerships fail when two people are building two different lives. A young man should think soberly: if the spiritual “heart” of the home is not godly, how will the home ever be godly? 2) Look for a young woman who uses her single years to grow in God’s ways This is where many young people miss the value of youth. The single years are a unique season. Responsibilities are generally fewer. Time can be invested more freely. And that season can become a powerful period of growth—if it is used wisely. Scripture emphasizes the value of faithful youth: “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example… in word… in charity… in faith… in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). A young woman who uses her life to learn Scripture, develop spiritual habits, serve others, and deepen her commitment to Christ is preparing for the roles she will one day fill. A woman does not become a godly wife and mother by accident. She becomes that way by devotion to God long before marriage. A young man should look for evidence of this devotion: Does she take worship seriously—or treat it casually? Does she love God’s people—or merely tolerate them? Does she pursue spiritual growth—or only entertainment and attention? Does she care about purity—or flirt with temptation? Marriage will not improve spiritual immaturity. It usually magnifies it. So don’t ignore what you see now. 3) Look for a young woman who respects biblical leadership This is not about a man seeking a woman he can dominate. God condemns harshness and selfish control. Biblical leadership is sacrifice, responsibility, and love. But the home cannot function according to God’s order without a wife who respects that order. “The head of the woman is the man” (1 Corinthians 11:3).“And the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1). A wife can help a man build a godly home—or she can constantly tear down everything he tries to build. The difference often lies in her attitude toward authority and her willingness to submit to God’s design. One practical way to discern this is to look at how she treats her parents. If she is rebellious toward the authority God placed over her in her youth, she is showing a deeper issue with authority itself. And if she resents authority now, she will likely resent it later. A home does not need a heart of contention. It needs a heart of joyful service to Christ. 4) Look for a young woman willing to make the home a priority God designed the home to be nurtured, guided, managed, protected, and strengthened. That work does not happen automatically. It happens because someone makes the home a priority. Scripture presents the home as a sacred assignment, not a side project. A wife may have many skills and capabilities—Proverbs 31 shows a woman who is industrious and productive in many ways. But even there, the center of her labor is clear: her family and her household are served by everything she does. A young man should understand something simple but weighty: The greatest gift you can give your children is not more money. It is a godly home. And a godly home requires a wife who values her role, embraces it with dignity, and places family above the world’s applause. This does not reduce womanhood—it elevates it. It honors God’s design. And it provides children with the stability they desperately need. Common confusion: the world’s “woman” vs. God’s “woman” Young men today often feel confused because the world parades a distorted picture of femininity: immodesty treated as empowerment, aggression treated as strength, loudness treated as confidence, and spiritual immaturity treated as normal. But God’s picture is different: modesty with dignity strength with gentleness wisdom with humility purity with conviction service with joy So a young man must decide early: Will I choose by the world’s standards—or by God’s? A simple checklist for a wise young man Before you pursue a relationship, ask: Is she truly devoted to Christ—or merely familiar with religious language? Does she show evidence of spiritual growth and maturity? Does she respect God’s pattern for leadership and authority? Does she value the home as a sacred responsibility? Do her habits, clothing, speech, friendships, and goals point toward holiness—or toward the world? If the answer is unclear, slow down. Emotions can move faster than wisdom. Practicing what is taught Here are practical ways a young man can apply these principles immediately: Prepare yourself first.  Become the kind of man a godly woman should want—faithful, pure, responsible, steady, and devoted to Christ. Refuse to “date for fun.”  Only pursue relationships with purpose and purity. Ask harder questions early.  Don’t wait months to find out what she believes about worship, marriage roles, modesty, and raising children. Watch her patterns, not her promises.  Words are easy. Consistency reveals character. Seek counsel from faithful Christians.  Pride isolates. Wisdom listens.

By Al Felder   “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Picture the man you want your son to become. You can imagine the externals—his job, the home he lives in, the hobbies he enjoys, the accomplishments he achieves. Then strip all that away. Remove the career, possessions, titles, and status symbols. What do you hope remains? What you find underneath is what matters most: character . When hard pressure comes, will he show courage or compromise? When he faces temptation, will he stand firm or drift with the crowd? When he becomes a husband and a father, will he put his family first—or himself? If we want our boys to become men we respect—men of character—then we must raise them with a clear vision and a deliberate plan. Because the world is not neutral. The world is forming boys every day. The world is attacking what it means to be a man Our culture often portrays men as shallow, foolish, driven by lust, and incapable of leadership. Boys are fed this picture so often that many begin to believe it is normal. On top of that, boys are surrounded by constant sexual messaging—often disguised as comedy, entertainment, and “just jokes.” The effect is not harmless. Every time a boy consumes that filth, something shifts inside him. His view of women becomes distorted, and his view of purity becomes cheapened. Jesus warned that “the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches” can choke the word so that a person becomes unfruitful (Matthew 13:22). The world is after our boys. If we allow it, it will feed them a false definition of masculinity and quietly suffocate faith before it ever has the chance to grow deep roots. And if we do nothing, the world will train them for us. Boys need fathers who lead God placed spiritual leadership in the home on the shoulders of fathers: “Ye fathers… bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). That means fathers are not optional accessories in the development of sons. A father is meant to be a steady guide—someone who teaches, corrects, models, and leads. A boy’s world is shaped by his father. In a son’s eyes, his dad is often the source of the “right answers.” He sets rules because he knows the rules. He disciplines because he understands consequences. He leads because God gave him that responsibility. When a father invests time, attention, affection, and approval, a boy learns, “I matter.” And that sense of being valued stabilizes him. It strengthens him against temptation. It helps him resist the shallow voices of society. It gives him confidence without arrogance and strength without cruelty. Many parents try to give boys happiness through things—clothes, money, toys, the newest technology, nonstop activities, and constant entertainment. But the greatest thing boys need more of is not stuff. They need us.  They need life beside their fathers. Start with God: the anchor every boy needs A boy needs an ultimate authority bigger than himself. Teaching him about God gives him an anchor—purpose, direction, and a foundation for moral clarity. Scripture says it plainly: “Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). That truth answers life’s biggest questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What is right and wrong? What should I do when no one is watching? What do I do with guilt? Where do I find forgiveness? What is my purpose? Boys have a hunger for meaning. If we don’t fill that hunger with God, the world will fill it with counterfeits—power, lust, entertainment, ego, and pride. That is why the best time to teach is when they are young and receptive. Teach them what you believe and why you believe it from Scripture. Build moral structure early. If that structure isn’t built, other things will take its place later—and those things will not lead your son toward righteousness. And this requires sacrifice. Many homes grow spiritually weak for simple reasons: people are tired, schedules are full, and spiritual routine gets pushed to the back burner. But religious ignorance robs boys of the answers they desperately need. If you want the best for your son, teach him about God. Refuse to excuse bad behavior—teach accountability One of the worst parenting traps is making excuses for a boy’s wrong choices. It can sound like this: “If the teacher understood him, he’d do better.” “If other people weren’t so unfair, he wouldn’t get in trouble.” “It wasn’t really his fault.” That mindset teaches a boy that responsibility belongs to everyone else. Accountability is one of the main pillars of manhood. A godly man owns his choices. He doesn’t play the victim. He doesn’t blame the world. He doesn’t hide behind excuses. If he does wrong, he faces it, corrects it, and learns from it. Scripture gives a sobering warning in the example of Eli. He was a judge of Israel and a man who should have known better. But he tolerated and minimized his sons' sins, and their corruption brought severe consequences. The lesson is clear: when a father ignores wrong or excuses it, he helps shape the very behavior he claims to hate. So teach your son to say three words that build a man: “I was wrong.” Then teach him the next three words: “I’ll do right.” Teach integrity: truthfulness as a masculine virtue Young boys often have a strong conscience. When they lie, their face gives them away. They feel the tension because they know deception is weakness. God’s word is direct: “Lie not one to another” (Colossians 3:9). Lying does more than break a rule. It damages a boy’s soul. It trains him to evade the truth rather than stand in it. Parents also make a serious mistake when they teach “white lies.” When adults encourage a boy to bend the truth for convenience, they throw his moral compass off. He begins to believe honesty is optional—something you practice when it benefits you. That is how integrity dies. Honesty is honorable. It builds trust. It makes a man dependable. And dependable men are rare and valuable. If you want your son to become a strong man, train him to be truthful even when it costs him. Teach courage: the strength that puts all other virtues into action Courage is what makes a boy willing to do right under pressure. God once looked for someone who would “stand in the gap,” but He found none (Ezekiel 22:30). The absence of courage always leads to collapse. Because courage is what activates the rest: Integrity needs courage to speak the truth. Humility needs courage to admit fault. Kindness needs courage to resist cruelty. Purity needs courage to say no. Boys face constant pressure to fit the mold society creates. But a boy who does right when pushed knows something powerful: he can control himself.  That self-mastery becomes honor and self-respect—the kind that doesn’t depend on applause. Teach humility: strength without superiority Humility is balance. It is the ability to see yourself accurately—valuable, but not more valuable than others. Scripture calls God’s people to “humbleness of mind” and “meekness” (Colossians 3:12). A boy who believes he is superior will eventually crush others—especially those closest to him. That kind of pride isolates a man. It breeds loneliness, anger, and self-destruction. Humble boys are different. They can rejoice in others’ success. They can show mercy to weakness. They can be friends without always competing. And humility naturally produces respect—toward parents, teachers, elders, women, and peers. Humility doesn’t make a boy weak. It makes him stable. Teach meekness: power under control Meekness is not frailty. Meekness is constrained power . A true picture of meekness is not a weak man who can’t fight. It is a strong man who can —but chooses control. He has strength, energy, drive, and ability, but his power is harnessed and guided. This is where discipline matters. Boys must learn that uncontrolled anger, reckless aggression, and harmful behavior bring consequences. A boy learns self-control when he understands that wrong actions collide with a stronger force—parental authority and correction. Over time, that external restraint becomes internal restraint. A meek man is not a man who lacks power. He is a man who has learned to govern it. Teach kindness: the virtue that strengthens a man Many people treat kindness as softness. Scripture treats it as strength. A kind boy grows into a man who becomes a better friend, a stronger husband, and a steadier leader because he doesn’t live for himself alone. Kindness trains a man to consider burdens beyond his own. It deepens compassion. It matures relationships. One practical way to develop kindness early is to train a boy’s tongue. Teach him to speak well of others rather than tear them down. Our culture thrives on mockery. It runs on insults, sarcasm, and humiliation. But speech and behavior walk together. When you train a boy to speak with respect, you are training him to treat people with respect. Train his tongue, and over time, you shape his thinking. The real goal: who he becomes, not what he achieves Happiness in young men does not come from jumping higher, being more popular, or winning more trophies. It comes from solid character. Your son needs to know what you think of him beneath all the “stuff.” Do you respect who he is becoming? Do you praise his integrity more than his performance? Do you value his humility more than his image? Boys become what they are praised for. You cannot control every circumstance your son will face. But you can shape the foundation he stands on. You can teach him who he should be according to God’s word. And the simplest commitment that would change many homes is this: give your son more of you.  Not just your paycheck. Not just your rules. Not just your corrections. Give him your time—life beside you—so he can learn what manhood looks like in a godly home. Practicing what is taught Here are a few simple ways to apply these principles this week: Schedule a father-son hour  (or two): no phone, no distractions—just time together. Start a short daily Bible habit : read one chapter, discuss one point, and pray briefly. Build one character focus for the week  (integrity, courage, humility, etc.). Define it, talk about it, watch for it, and praise it when you see it. Correct excuses immediately : replace blame with responsibility—“What could you have done differently?” Train the tongue : require respectful speech about siblings, teachers, teammates, and girls. Small steps repeated faithfully create big results over time.

By Al Felder “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of every woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). God appointed the man to be the head of the family unit—not for selfish control, but for responsibility, sacrifice, and spiritual leadership. And one of the most overlooked places that leadership must show itself is in a father’s relationship with his daughter. Strong fathers are needed to raise strong daughters. And if we want our little girls to grow into godly women, we must understand a sobering truth: it starts with us.   The world is discipling your daughter—every day Our daughters face a constant stream of pressure from popular culture. From the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed, she is surrounded by images and messages telling her how she should look, what she should wear, and how she should behave to be “acceptable.” The world places burdens on girls that many are not emotionally prepared to carry. It promotes sensuality early, expects compliance, and then leaves behind the wreckage—eating disorders, depression, and worst of all, a life without God. And that leads to a hard but necessary point: there is often one major barrier standing between your daughter and that attack on her soul— you . Fathers can change the course of their daughters’ lives. 1) Teach her who God is—because you shape her first view of Him A daughter’s earliest understanding of God is often drawn from her understanding of her father. Jesus even used the image of an earthly father to help people understand the goodness of the heavenly Father (Matthew 7:11). That should make every father pause. As your daughter is told she has a heavenly Father, she will use what she knows about fatherhood  to process that truth. That means the way we live—our patience, our temper, our consistency, our gentleness, our integrity—will shape her first thoughts about God. This is why being a good dad is not mainly about hobbies, money, or even personality—it is about godliness. Fathers must be committed to studying God’s word and molding their lives into the image of Christ. And yes, even godly fathers fail at times. We may lose our temper, miss moments that mattered, or neglect the attention our daughter needed. Those wounds can be mended. But in those moments, she must also learn a deeper lesson: when daddy isn’t everything he should be, there is Someone stronger, wiser, and perfectly faithful—her heavenly Father. 2) Make God part of everyday life Spiritual instruction is not meant to be occasional. God told Israel to teach His ways as part of their daily routine—when sitting at home, walking by the way, lying down, and rising up (Deuteronomy 6:7). The principle is simple: seize ordinary moments to teach eternal truths. A father should speak about God naturally and regularly—because daughters need to know that God loves them, that He has a plan of redemption, and that forgiveness is real when repentance is real. 3) Be the kind of man you want your daughter to marry Every man who enters your daughter’s life will be filtered through her relationship with you. The qualities you display will become the qualities she looks for in a man. In a very real sense, you are her first love. So show her what a husband and father should be. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). A man’s role is described as a sacrifice. Christ gave Himself for the church’s welfare. Likewise, husbands and fathers must give themselves for the welfare of their family—time, attention, leadership, service, and protection. Too often, men shift this burden onto wives—expecting her to carry the emotional and relational weight until she has nothing left. But God’s pattern places responsibility on the man. And a family will be as strong or as weak spiritually as the father’s leadership. 4) Spend time with her—because time builds strength If you want your daughter to be strong, you must be present. Spend time with her. Eat meals together. Invite her into what you enjoy. Step into what she enjoys. Work together. Do chores together. Just be together. A powerful point is made through a study discussed in the lesson: one of the key treatment methods used by psychologists helping girls with eating disorders is increasing the time spent with their fathers. That doesn’t mean fathers are “to blame” for every struggle a daughter faces. But it does reveal something important: the father-daughter relationship is crucial to a girl’s self-esteem. If your daughter feels beautiful in your eyes, she has the strength to withstand the world’s pressure. 5) Live with integrity—nothing meaningful is built on secrets A father must be honest and dependable. A man of integrity inspires trust. When you give your word, it should be sure. Integrity also means no secret life. Secrecy is often tied to sin, and sin isolates. Whether it is pornography, an online relationship, or any hidden compromise, secrecy robs the family of time, attention, affection, and trust. And it teaches your daughter the wrong expectations for marriage. Raise her to expect a husband with nothing to hide. 6) Teach contentment—so she learns where real joy is “Better is little with fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith” (Proverbs 15:16). If your daughter sees you always chasing “more,” she may believe that deep joy requires bigger houses, higher pay, more possessions, and constant upgrades. That mindset can produce dissatisfaction—first with things, then with people. Show her a better foundation: love God, love people, and find contentment in what cannot be taken away. Even if material things disappear, life remains worth living in Christ. 7) Teach humility and set boundaries A father must instill humility—self-restraint, responsibility, and consideration for others. Popular culture often plants the destructive belief that a girl “deserves more,” that life should orbit around her. Yes, fathers naturally see their little girls as precious. But indulgence without limits can raise a “princess” mindset that harms future marriage and motherhood. So set boundaries. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). Clear boundaries give moral foundation and teach a daughter that she fits into the family—that the family does not orbit around her. In time, she learns to set boundaries for herself. Conclusion: fight for the relationship A father must open his eyes to his daughter’s world—and fight to save their relationship. There will be stages where she challenges you or acts as if she doesn’t care. But she does. She wants to know how much you are willing to fight for her. Keep her connected. Keep building the bond. Keep being present. Keep spending time. And if you do your job well, one day she will choose another good man to love her and protect her. But he will never replace you in her heart—because you were there first.

By Al Felder “Honor thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12). God placed tremendous emphasis on the attitude children have toward their parents. When He gave the Ten Commandments at Sinai, the command to honor father and mother stood at the front of those commandments dealing with human relationships. The order was intentional: God comes first , and the ability to live rightly with other people begins with learning to honor father and mother. It is also the first command given with a promise—showing that God ties blessings to this duty. Honoring parents is not a small social courtesy; it is a foundational moral command that reaches into every area of life. Understanding the law and the command While the Law of Moses is not the covenant binding us today, the principle behind this command is repeated and reinforced under the Law of Christ. The New Testament teaches: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1–3). That repetition shows how seriously God takes this subject. Honoring parents was not merely an Old Testament idea. It is a lasting obligation in God’s moral order. The seriousness of dishonoring parents Under the Old Covenant, God attached severe punishments to rebellion against parents. A stubborn and rebellious son who would not obey could face death under the Law of Moses (Deuteronomy 21:18–21). God also condemned striking parents and cursing them (Exodus 21:15, 17). These penalties are shocking to modern thinking, but they reveal something important: God hates the sin of disrespect and rebellion toward parents. While we are not under Israel’s civil laws today, the moral lesson remains. The actions that dishonored parents were treated as grave evils because they undermine the very structure of family, authority, and society. Disrespect does not lead to righteousness; it leads to ruin. And beyond that, it leads to spiritual death—separation from God—unless it is repented of. The promise tied to obedience The command includes a promise: long life and well-being. That blessing is not accidental. A child who learns restraint, self-control, and obedience is far more likely to avoid destructive paths. Parents do not make rules to “ruin” their children; they make rules to protect, guide, and help them grow into wise and godly adults. Honoring parents also places a person under God’s favor. All spiritual blessings are in Christ, and those blessings belong to those who obey God faithfully. Honoring father and mother is not optional if we want to please the Lord. So what does honoring parents actually look like in daily life? 1) Honor begins with respectful speech One of the first ways children dishonor their parents is through the tongue. God condemned “cursing” father and mother—speaking evil to them or about them. Honoring parents requires a spirit of respect and reverence. Parents occupy a position of authority granted by God. All rightful authority ultimately comes from Him, and within the home, God has delegated authority to parents over their children. A child’s respect for parents is a genuine expression of respect toward God. That is why the way a child addresses parents matters. Scripture gives a simple but powerful picture when Isaac spoke to Abraham: “My father” (Genesis 22:7). That brief phrase reveals reverence. It shows proper honor. In our time, disrespect has become normalized. Many young people speak to parents the same way they speak to friends. Some even call their parents by their first names. That may be common, but it is not the spirit of honor. People do not address leaders like mayors or presidents by first name out of respect for their position. Parents hold a God-given position in the home, and children should speak accordingly. A respectful tone, respectful words, and respectful address are not “old-fashioned.” They are righteous. 2) Honor includes obedience and submission The Bible is direct: “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Obedience is not selective. Children may not always like what parents require, and they may not always understand it, but God commands obedience because God gave parents the responsibility of raising children properly. Scripture also includes the idea of subjection —not just doing what you’re told, but doing it with the right attitude. Submission involves subjecting your judgment and will to your parents’ authority while you are under their roof. That may be difficult for young people, especially when they believe they know better. But God calls for humility. This kind of subjection is rare in modern culture, but it is beautiful when it exists. It reflects a heart that fears God. 3) Honor continues into adulthood through care and provision Honoring parents does not end when you reach adulthood. The relationship changes—parents no longer have the same extent of authority over a married son or daughter—but the obligation to honor them remains until death. There is a debt owed to parents that can never truly be repaid. They nurtured you, provided for you, protected you, and sacrificed for you. That should never be forgotten. One of the clearest ways adult children honor their parents is by providing for them in old age . Jesus addressed this directly when He rebuked those who used religious tradition as an excuse to avoid caring for parents (Matthew 15:4–6). He made it clear that honoring father and mother includes meeting their needs. The same principle is reinforced elsewhere: if a widow has family, the family should “show piety at home” and “requite their parents,” because it is good and acceptable before God (1 Timothy 5:4). Caring for aging parents is not merely a financial decision—it is a spiritual duty. We live in a sad day where the value of life is often discarded at both ends—unwanted children and forgotten elderly. Many parents are placed in nursing homes and are rarely visited. Some children shift their parents’ care entirely onto the government. But God’s word is not unclear: “If any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). That is a sobering statement. Neglecting one’s own family is not a small failure. It is a denial of basic moral duty. Why this command matters for society—and for eternity Honoring parents produces respect for law and order. Homes that teach honor create children who respect authority in society. When the family decays, respect for all authority collapses, and society plunges into chaos. No nation can sustain itself without well-ordered homes. More importantly, honoring parents trains the heart to honor God. Those who truly honor father and mother are more likely to revere holy things, uphold righteousness, and pass moral character to the next generation. The highest way to honor your parents There is one final and greatest way to honor father and mother: turn to their God. Godly parents raise children longing to see them obey Christ. They watch, protect, instruct, and pray—sometimes with joy and sometimes with tears. Nothing a child can do brings greater honor to faithful parents than choosing the Lord and walking in His ways.

By Al Felder “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). That verse captures the goal of every Christian father and mother: to train children so thoroughly in God’s ways that faith becomes their lifelong path—not merely a childhood phase. Parenting is one of the highest responsibilities God gives, and it requires our best. Training does not start when children become “old enough to understand.” It begins the moment those precious little ones enter our care, and it continues until they are ready to establish a home of their own. So, how do parents train children effectively according to the word of God? Scripture points to several principles that must be taken seriously if a home is going to be strong and children are going to be guided toward obedience to Christ. 1) Parents must be united One of the quickest paths to chaos in the home is parental division. When a father and mother disagree on discipline, expectations, and consequences, confusion spreads—and children quickly learn to exploit it. Consider what happens when one parent responds to disobedience immediately, while the other rushes in to intervene on the child's behalf. The child “wins,” the parents become more divided, and the rules become meaningless. Over time, children can become skilled at turning parents against each other, driving wedges into the marriage and harming the entire family. What prevents this? Parents must talk. They must decide together how the home will operate, what rules will be enforced, what consequences will follow, and what rewards will be given. God’s design is that husband and wife are “one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). That oneness includes shared goals and shared plans for raising children. And when parents genuinely cannot agree after discussion, God’s order still provides direction. The father is the head of the home, and a wife must not undercut her husband’s authority in front of the children. Respect for leadership must be modeled, or children will learn to despise it. That doesn’t mean a wise father ignores his wife’s insight; it means the home must never be run by competing authorities. At times, a father may intentionally defer to the mother when he knows she has stronger discernment on a particular matter. That kind of consideration strengthens unity rather than weakening it. But the point remains: a divided home cannot properly train children. 2) Discipline is necessary—and discipline must have “teeth” No serious discussion of child training can avoid the topic of discipline. Scripture is direct: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). The Bible presents discipline not as cruelty, but as love. The world objects to this. Our culture often treats biblical discipline as harsh, unloving, or outdated. But Scripture says otherwise: “Withhold not correction from the child… Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13–14). God is not endorsing injury or abuse. The Bible nowhere condones serious bodily harm. The rod, carefully administered with love, purpose, and proper restraint, is meant to correct disobedience and help shape character. Discipline isn’t about anger. It’s about training. When should discipline begin? Scripture says, “Chasten thy son while there is hope” (Proverbs 19:18). That means correction cannot be postponed until a child is large, stubborn, and hardened. As soon as a child is old enough to understand “no,” and willfully disobeys, a simple swat establishes a crucial truth early: disobedience has consequences. That lesson helps later when the child must learn to resist sin and submit to God. 3) Fathers have a direct responsibility from God God speaks directly to fathers: “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The father is the head of the home, and he will answer to God for what happens within his household. That means he must be aware, present, and active in training. When a father is home, he should lead in discipline and instruction. When he is away, the mother naturally acts in his stead. But a father must never be negligent when he is present. The command includes two keywords: Nurture : training with structure—discipline with backbone. It is a correction backed by consequences. Admonition : instruction—teaching God’s word, shaping conscience, and forming convictions. A father should set aside time as often as possible to lead the family spiritually: reading Scripture together, discussing what it means, praying for needs and thanksgivings, and even singing together as a family. Over time, few things will shape a home more than a father who consistently leads his family toward God. 4) Do not provoke children to wrath Colossians adds: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). A father can train in ways that break a child’s spirit instead of shaping the child’s character. One of the most common ways this happens is through inconsistency. Inconsistency produces confusion and anger When a rule is enforced one day and ignored the next, children don’t know where they stand. The same action yields different outcomes depending on a parent’s mood, energy, or convenience. That unpredictability breeds frustration—and it often leads to rebellion. Inconsistent discipline is frequently the fruit of laziness. Discipline takes effort, planning, and persistence. Parents live in a culture that expects instant results, and when improvement doesn’t happen in a few days, some give up. But training takes time. Progress comes through steady, consistent enforcement. Too many rules can sabotage discipline God gave Adam and Eve one rule in Eden. God gave Israel the Ten Commandments as the foundation of life. The principle is simple: a few clear rules consistently enforced will train better than many rules rarely enforced . A parent can accomplish more by enforcing one rule faithfully than by maintaining a long list that collapses under inconsistency. Add rules gradually as children learn obedience. Encouragement must accompany correction Scripture gives commands with promises and encouragement (Ephesians 6:1–3). Parents should learn from that. If all a child hears is correction, criticism, and disappointment, discouragement will grow. It is easy to notice wrong; it takes more intention to notice right. But children need to be commended when they obey, show kindness, tell the truth, work hard, and demonstrate growth. Recognition strengthens the heart and provokes children toward good works rather than anger. 5) Keep communication open Training requires a relationship, and a relationship requires communication. Constant communication was part of God’s command to Israel: “Thou shalt teach them diligently… and shalt talk of them when thou sittest… when thou walkest… when thou liest down… when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7). That is a daily conversation. It uses everyday moments of life to teach God’s ways. When children feel free to talk with their parents, training becomes more effective. They can ask questions, seek wisdom, and receive counsel. Over time, a strong bond forms—one that can last long after children are grown. Conclusion: you are training future Christian parents Christian parents are not merely raising kids—they are shaping future mothers and fathers. Children learn how to handle temptation, solve problems, repent when wrong, and treat others by watching their parents live. That means parents must be genuine. Children should see how you handle mistakes, including your willingness to admit wrong and correct them. They should see humility and repentance, not perfectionism and pretending. As children grow, discipline moves from strict structure toward self-discipline. Parents gradually back off as children assume responsibility, practice what they’ve been taught, and learn to face the consequences of their actions—good or bad. This is the goal: to train children in God’s ways so deeply that when they are old, they will not depart from them.

By Al Felder “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children” (Proverbs 13:22). Parents have a profound impact on their children—and that influence can reach generations beyond what we can see. There may come a time when we feel as if we have nothing left to offer. Our children are grown. They have children of their own. But the truth is this: what godly parents can give never truly runs out. Even after children leave home, a father and mother can still shape lives—by the inheritance they leave behind. And that inheritance is not primarily money or possessions. The most valuable inheritance parents can pass down is godly living . An inheritance can bless—or corrupt—generations One man’s influence can echo far into the future. If you walk the streets of Shrewsbury, England, you will find memorials to a man whose ideas shaped the modern world—Charles Darwin. His teaching proposed a view of life that removes God from the center and leaves humanity to decide right and wrong on its own. When people are taught there is no God, they are also taught there is no absolute authority. The result is predictable: moral relativism, confusion about what is right, and a society that increasingly makes its own rules. That’s why the question matters: What impact will you have?  What will your children—and your children’s children—inherit from you? 1) The first gift: time The number one thing parents can give their children is time. This is the foundation that every other blessing rests upon. If parents are uncommitted to spending time with their children, they will not be able to instill the virtues found in God’s word in their children. Timothy is a powerful example. Paul spoke of the sincere faith that first lived in Timothy’s grandmother, Lois, and his mother, Eunice (2 Timothy 1:5). Behind that verse lies an apparent reality: Timothy’s faith did not arise in a vacuum. It was nurtured by family investment—by time spent teaching him who he should be. Children are like a blank canvas. They absorb what surrounds them. They study ways of living, behaving, and thinking. If parents fail to be there—to model and teach—society will gladly fill the gap. And parental time has a significant influence. Research has shown that the most substantial impact on a child’s decisions regarding risky behavior is the parent-child relationship. But the more profound truth is what drives that influence: not just rules, not just words— connection . A child needs to feel that he belongs in the home, that he is appreciated, loved, and affirmed. That kind of connection cannot be produced without time. Many families fall into a trap: they race to provide “stuff.” Toys, clothes, money, entertainment, and nonstop activities. But what children often need more than anything is steady and straightforward presence—undivided attention. Turn off the distractions. Put down the devices. Slow down enough to know your children—and let them know you. 2) The second gift: a desire for God’s word If time is the foundation, then spiritual appetite is one of the most important fruits that grows from it. Parents must give children a desire for God’s word—and that desire must be cultivated early. A simple illustration makes the point. One staple of the Australian diet is a black paste called Vegemite. Many Americans can hardly tolerate it. But Australians often love it—and why? Because their mothers feed it to them early, they acquire a taste for it. Spiritual appetite works the same way. If we want our children to crave the word of God, we must feed them the word of God from an early age. God’s command is clear: “Thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children… when thou sittest in thine house… when thou walkest by the way… when thou liest down… when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). That means Bible teaching is not occasional—it is woven into everyday life. Talk about Scripture. Please read it to them. Let them see you reading it. Make God’s word part of the regular rhythm of the home. Along with that desire, parents must instill another vital truth: God’s word is our complete and sole authority in life. This authority is challenged daily, and one of the most common tactics is attacking the beginning—casting doubt on creation and the origin of man. But if children are trained to distrust the Bible at the beginning, they will soon distrust the Bible everywhere else—morality, salvation, judgment, and truth itself. A solid foundation must be built. The Bible must be the central starting point around which beliefs and convictions revolve. And if parents do not transmit this knowledge of God to the next generation, it will be lost. 3) The third gift: protection and defense Parents must also be a defense for their children. Popular culture is not neutral. It is competing with your sons and daughters and is devoted to undermining godly living and traditional values. It is a constant attack. So how do parents defend their children? Defense through restraint Limit excess media. Limit entertainment overload. Reduce exposure to the world’s voice so that your voice—and God’s word—can be heard more clearly. Children need less time under worldly influence and more time under godly influence. Defense through discipline and boundaries God’s word is direct: “Withhold not correction from the child” (Proverbs 23:13). When children are young, they need clear borders around behavior, movement, language, and attitude. As they grow, some borders shift to give increasing responsibility. But other boundaries must remain—and some must even be reinforced because children will push against them. Teenagers may try to manipulate with complaints like, “You don’t trust me.” They may act as if boundaries are cruel. But deep down, children recognize something true: boundaries are proof of love. Curfews say, “Someone wants you safe.”Correction says, “Your character matters.”Rules say, “You belong here, and this home has order.” And those boundaries train children to set their own. They teach what is acceptable and unacceptable, good and bad, wise and foolish. The conclusion: children need their parents Children are easily influenced. They can be “tossed to and fro” by every new idea and every persuasive voice. That is why they need their parents—not just as providers, but as spiritual anchors. Children need time. Children need attention. Children need affection. Children need approval. And children need parents who will give them a godly inheritance that reaches beyond their lifetime.

By Al Felder “And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living” (Genesis 3:20). That single verse reminds us of something simple and profound: every life God has allowed into this world has come through a mother. Scripture offers many portraits of motherhood—some noble, some tragic—but consistently magnifies the beauty and power of a godly mother. Motherhood is not an accident of biology. It is a calling wrapped inside God’s design for the home. And to understand the weight of that calling, we have to go all the way back to the beginning. A mother’s role begins with creation Before there was a nation, a government, or even a written law, God established the family. In creation, the Lord said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). That phrase “help meet” is often misunderstood. It does not describe a lesser being or a disposable assistant. It depicts a woman who is suitable, corresponding, and complementary—created to stand with a man and help him in every way God intended. In the union of husband and wife, two lives become one unit, and in that oneness, the home gains balance: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This truth has been pushed aside in modern thinking. Many have been taught to view God’s design as limiting—yet no one is truly free while rejecting the purpose for which God created them. A woman is not diminished by embracing God’s order; she is strengthened by it. The home becomes steadier, the marriage becomes healthier, and children receive the kind of balance God planned from the start. Mercy in the middle of the fall Motherhood also carries a story of redemption. Eve bears the sorrow of being deceived and stepping into transgression first. It is hard enough to face our own failures, but imagine the weight of realizing your sin brought consequences upon the entire human family. Yet even there, in the shadow of the fall, God revealed His mercy. In Genesis 3:15, God promised that the seed of the woman would one day crush the serpent. Satan deceived the woman, but God made it known that victory would come through her seed—ultimately fulfilled in Christ. In that sense, the woman is not only connected to the beginning of human life; she is also connected to God’s promise of salvation. This is part of what gives motherhood such spiritual depth: through the life-giving role of a mother, God unfolded the story that culminated in the Savior. And when the fullness of time came, God chose Mary—a woman of exemplary character—to carry and nurture the Messiah. Jesus was (and is) God, but He came to live as a man: growing, learning, developing, and walking the human path. For that, He needed a mother. The home is a mother’s sacred assignment Scripture speaks plainly about a woman’s work in the home. A mother is not called to drift through life without direction; she is called to guide the household with intentional care. Guiding the house is not passive. It is management. It is oversight. It is an order. It is the daily, often unseen labor of building a peaceful and stable environment where souls can grow. Being a “keeper at home” does not mean a woman has no skills or productivity beyond her walls. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is industrious—working with wisdom and diligence. But her world revolves around the home. That is the point: whatever other responsibilities exist, the house must remain the priority. Our culture often treats devotion to one’s own home and children as small or inferior. Scripture treats it as noble. God never asked mothers to build their identity on the applause of society. He asked them to make their lives on faithfulness. A mother teaches love where love is tested Titus describes older women teaching younger women to love their husbands and love their children. That matters, because motherhood is not only tender moments and newborn joy. Every mother eventually learns that love is tested on the long road of real life. A young mother may hold her child and feel that the world has stopped. Then come the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the whining, the defiance, the disrespect, the selfishness, and the heartbreak that can appear as children grow. It becomes clear that love is not simply a feeling that occurs at birth and stays effortlessly strong. That is why Scripture urges women to be taught to cherish —to love with a warm, affectionate devotion that finds joy in the duties of the role. A mother can sacrifice without pleasure. But God’s ideal is deeper: a love that is not merely duty, but delight. And here is what happens when that kind of love takes root: the gospel is put on display in the home. In a world full of strife, a mother’s steady affection stands out. People may not first ask what you believe—they often watch whether what you think changes how you live. A mother’s spirit can bring honor to God or shame to His name. The mother-daughter bond and the passing of wisdom Few relationships in the home are as unique as the relationship between a mother and a daughter. There are bonds of heart and understanding that no one else can replicate. A daughter will face changes—physical, emotional, and mental—that a father cannot fully grasp the way a mother can. A mother understands the joys her daughter will experience and the heartbreaks she may one day endure. This is one of God’s gentle provisions: that wisdom can move from one generation of women to the next, not as cold instruction, but as loving guidance. A mother’s influence on her son reaches farther than she realizes A mother’s relationship with her son is different, but just as important. From the moment she hears his first cry, she nourishes, protects, and nurtures him. Yet as he grows, the relationship must transition. The day comes when a son cleaves to his wife, and the mother learns to love him without holding him. That is God’s design. Scripture shows the profound influence of a godly mother in passages like the reminder that Timothy’s sincere faith first lived in his grandmother Lois and his mother Eunice. A mother’s example can shape a son’s faith for life. And her influence doesn’t stop at his spirituality. The love a son receives from his mother often becomes a template for how he understands love and trust in his relationships with women throughout life—sisters, teachers, friends, and eventually a wife. A stable, affectionate, godly mother can help him become a stable, loving, godly man. The grace only a mother seems to have Mothers are often dispensers of grace in the home. People sometimes use the phrase, “a face only a mother could love.” Even when it is said thoughtlessly, it points to something real: a mother’s capacity to forgive, accept, and embrace when others might withdraw. When a child fails—on the field, in school, socially, or morally—there is something powerful about a mother’s outstretched arms. In that embrace, a child learns that love is bigger than success. It teaches them how to receive love and how to return it. Through the highs and lows of life, a mother’s love can help a child stand a bit taller. Looking at biblical mothers with fresh eyes When we think of motherhood, it can help to consider how many biblical scenes would have looked through a mother’s eyes: Joseph’s mother would have prayed for protection, never imagining slavery and prison. Moses’ mother would have wept, placing him where she could no longer keep him, trusting God when her hands had to let go. Daniel’s mother would have trembled at captivity and pleaded for deliverance. And Mary… no mother ever carried a heavier sorrow than standing near her Son as He was mocked, tortured, and crucified. These glimpses remind us that motherhood includes joy, sacrifice, fear, courage, faith, and sometimes deep pain. Yet God has woven honor through it all. The noble calling The mantle of motherhood is great. It is not a small role—it is one of the highest and most sacred callings on earth: shaping souls for eternity, building a home that honors God, and putting the beauty of the gospel on display in daily life.

By Al Felder   “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children… when thou sittest… when thou walkest… when thou liest down… when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6–9). God never intended for children to be raised on spiritual leftovers. He commanded that His word be taught diligently —with care, persistence, and daily intention. And if anyone should lead this work in the home, it is the father. Children need diligent dads to become the men and women God intends them to be. Yet one of the greatest ills in our society is the absence of spiritual leadership by fathers. In many homes, training is often carried out solely by the mother, while fathers neglect their role as head of the family and abandon their responsibilities. Even worse, many fathers do not know how to lead. It is as if the knowledge of biblical headship had not been transmitted from generation to generation, leaving men with little understanding of family structure or how to fulfill their God-given role. When the pattern is broken, chaos follows. God’s order makes fathers responsible to lead Scripture points back to the creation order to establish role responsibility: “For Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13). This is not about value—both are made in God’s image—but about responsibility. God gave the man the charge of leadership in the home. Genesis reinforces this when God gave the command about the tree to Adam before  Eve was created (Genesis 2:16–17). God did not repeat the command after Eve’s creation, revealing that God expected Adam to teach Eve and fulfill his role as head of the family. Then God commanded the man and woman to multiply and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). The purpose of the family is larger than survival or comfort—it is meant to spread God’s glory over the face of the earth. The prophet Malachi exposed what happens when family structure collapses. God rebuked Israel for dealing treacherously with the wife of their covenant and reminded them that He made the husband and wife one so that He might seek a godly seed  (Malachi 2:14–15). When the covenant breaks, the fruit suffers. When the marriage bond is dishonored, the next generation is weakened. God is a God of order. Without order, there is confusion and disorganization. And Scripture shows order not only in the home, but even in the Godhead: “the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). That order exists so God’s purposes can be accomplished. Spiritual leadership at home is foundational to leadership in the church One of the most evident proofs of the importance of fatherly leadership is found in the qualifications for elders: “One that ruleth well his own house… For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (1 Timothy 3:4–5). The most important office in the local church requires a man who leads his household in the ways of God. Home leadership is not optional. It is foundational. And Scripture addresses fathers directly: “Ye fathers… bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). That is not a general statement aimed at “parents” in the abstract. It is pointed at fathers. A father is the authority figure in the home, and that makes his conduct extremely influential. If he is harsh and critical, children may resent him. If he is absent, they may have no authority figure to respect. Either way, children can lose respect for authority—and ultimately lose respect for God. Children watch their father closely—his moods, body language, and tone of voice—trying to answer a question they may never speak out loud: How does my dad feel about me?   When a father’s approval is absent, a child will look for validation elsewhere. The crisis is real—and the need is urgent The need for diligent dads is not a theory. It is visible all around us. The text references sobering statistics: millions of men claim no faith in Christ; many children grow up without their biological father; large portions of prison populations grew up without a father figure. Whatever else those numbers mean, they should shake us awake to this truth: we need men to be diligent dads and fulfill the role God has given them.   The right starting point is the father This is where many families go wrong—they try everything to fix the spiritual condition of children except the place God began: the father. The responsibility is not to be outsourced. A pointed statement is included from Voddie Baucham, Jr.: fathers—not church programs or ministers created to fill the void—are charged with discipling the next generation. God placed this work in the home and its leadership on the shoulders of the father. Three honest evaluations every father must make 1) What defines me? In our culture, many men define themselves by career. But Scripture gives a different perspective: “If any provide not for his own… he hath denied the faith” (1 Timothy 5:8). A career exists to serve the family—not to replace the family. It doesn’t define a man. A man is determined by how he fulfills his God-given role and how he relates to the members of his household. 2) How do I use my time? “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15–16). Every father should honestly assess his weekly time: time at work, entertainment, recreation, leisure, time with family, and time in God’s word. Too often, the most critical areas get the least attention. If we aren’t purposeful, society will gladly fill our schedules until our children are grown and gone, and regret settles in. 3) Do I truly love the church? “I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord” (Psalm 122:1). If a father is unenthused about the church and indifferent toward serving God, his family will likely absorb the same attitude. But when a father is passionate and joyful about worship, that zeal becomes contagious in the home. The path forward: pray, study, and lead After honest evaluation, the following steps are not complicated—but they require resolve. Pray for your family and with your family “Pray one for another… The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). Prayer is powerful because it is communion with God. A father should feel the weight of eternity when he thinks about his children. The desire to see them converted should stir deep emotion and deep urgency. Study the Bible—personally and together “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). Start simple if you must. Read a passage and talk about it. Study a chapter. Choose a topic and examine what Scripture says. As knowledge grows, confidence grows. Build family Bible time into ordinary life: a scheduled weekly study, assigning verses to read or memorize, talking about Scripture while driving, doing chores, or sharing family time. Make the Bible part of the home’s daily rhythm. Do it—even if you don’t feel ready Are you going to have all the answers? No. Are you going to make mistakes? Yes. But the best way to fail as a father is to do nothing. And if you feel untrained or without a model, Scripture provides a solution: “Commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also” (2 Timothy 2:2). Seek guidance from a faithful man, learn, and then lead. Excuses end here. God has spoken. The future is our responsibility.

By Al Felder “Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and truth… choose you this day whom ye will serve… but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:14–15). Joshua’s words were not a slogan. They were the settled conviction of a man who had lived long enough to know what happens when God is not taken seriously. He had seen God’s power in Egypt, walked through the Red Sea, served faithfully under Moses, and urged Israel to obey when others trembled. God rewarded his faithfulness by allowing him to lead Israel into the Promised Land. And when Joshua reached the end of his life, he spoke with urgency. He knew difficult days were ahead, and he knew this truth: the only way for God’s people to be successful is for the family to be strong in its commitment to the Lord.   The church faces challenges today just as Israel did then. The answer has not changed. Homes must return to God’s pattern, and parents must train their children to do the same. The choice Joshua set before Israel still stands before every family: Will we serve the Lord?   God established the family before any nation or government After God completed His works of creation, He ordained marriage. Jesus said that “from the beginning” God made them male and female, joining husband and wife into one flesh, and commanded, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6–9). Long before there was a state or man-made government, God sanctioned marriage. Through this, God made the family unit  the most essential component of any society—and of the church. God has patterns for nations and patterns for the church, but before any of those, God gave a pattern for the family. As members of the body of Christ, we must make sure we are abiding by that pattern. Marriage exists for God’s glory “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife… This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31–32). Marriage is designed to represent the covenant relationship between Christ and His church. Its highest meaning and ultimate purpose is to put that relationship on display. That means the roles in marriage are not arbitrary: The wife represents the church, gladly submitting to Christlike leadership. The husband represents Christ, loving sacrificially and leading for his wife's benefit. Many men can imagine dying for their wives in a dramatic moment—but the real test is the small daily moments. Do you die to self for your wife in ordinary life?  Do you put aside your preferences and ambitions for her good? That is the kind of love that brings honor to God. When a man and woman marry, they covenant before God to become “one flesh”—their lives woven together in a comprehensive oneness: joys, difficulties, triumphs, failures, possessions, and bodies. Cleave: the covenant pursuit that holds a home together In this new relationship, Scripture says a husband and wife must cleave  to one another. The word carries the idea of pursuing hard—being firmly joined in a permanent and abiding union. Only the pursuit of God should be greater than a husband and wife’s pursuit of one another. Husbands should consider the picture they are painting for a watching world. If a husband fails to reflect Christ’s love and leadership, he mars the image he is called to portray. Christ’s headship is perfect—wise, proper, and entirely devoted to the good of His bride. A husband is called to follow that example. God made the wife to be a strong helper, not a passive bystander In creation, God said something was “not good” before sin ever entered the world: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). A wife helps her husband with all her gifts and abilities. She contributes ideas and suggestions. She offers wisdom and insight. She prays and encourages. She does these things not to take over leadership, but to strengthen and support her husband in his God-given responsibility. And when a difference of opinion arises, she does not manipulate to get her way—she submits by following his lead. Marriage, as God intended it, should draw both husband and wife closer to Him and provide the most significant opportunity for self-denial and obedience. “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:4–5). Children must be taught diligently—and it starts in the home When children are born into the home, God’s pattern is clear: parents must diligently teach His word. “And these words… shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children… when thou sittest… when thou walkest… when thou liest down… when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6–9). This is not occasional, half-hearted instruction. It is careful, persistent teaching. Both the father and mother have a role to play. The father’s sobering responsibility God has placed the father as the spiritual head of the house. A sobering truth is that many children form their earliest picture of God’s leadership by what they see in their father. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). A father must be careful: harshness and constant criticism can produce resentment, while absence produces a home without steady authority. Either extreme can damage a child’s respect for authority and—ultimately—their respect for God. That is why diligent fathers are desperately needed. The mother’s vital role Scripture teaches that a woman is to guide the house (1 Timothy 5:14) and be a keeper at home (Titus 2:5), meaning she manages, guards, and keeps the household. This does not mean Scripture forbids a woman from work outside the home or from receiving wages. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is described as industrious, thoughtful, and productive—buying and selling, overseeing responsibilities, and using her strength wisely—yet her world revolves around the home. God’s will is clear: a mother must put the home above everything else in this world. And one of the best gifts parents can give children is undivided attention—turning off distractions and giving time, teaching, and presence. If parents do not transmit knowledge of God to the next generation, it will be lost. One pattern the church has neglected: helping children find a godly spouse One of the most neglected patterns is the guidance of children in selecting a spouse. Too often, the church is becoming indistinguishable from the world in how it pursues relationships. The world’s pattern has produced sexual activity before marriage and infidelity and divorce after marriage. If God’s people follow the same pattern, they will suffer the same consequences—and the pain will spill into the body of Christ. Modern dating is commonly initiated by the young man or young woman, conducted outside the oversight of family authority, and may not even have marriage as its goal. The biblical pattern is different: the relationship begins with the young man going to the young woman’s father first, continues under parental oversight, and culminates in marriage. This requires something many homes lack: a strong parent-child relationship—cultivated so that children respect and honor parental wisdom. Dating “just for fun” is dangerous. “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27). When young people pursue relationships for thrills, they awaken passions that do not belong outside marriage. Instead, youth should prioritize seeking God: “Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth” (Ecclesiastes 12:1). Before pursuing a relationship with another person, pursue a relationship with God. Use youthful energy and time for the kingdom, being an example in word, conduct, faith, and purity (1 Timothy 4:12). Biblical “job descriptions” for a future spouse When the time comes to choose a spouse, God’s word gives clear expectations. A young woman must be: a Christian, devoted to serving God and learning His ways, respectful of biblical leadership, willing to make the home a priority. A young man must be: a Christian, committed to biblical leadership, a protector, a provider. These are not shallow preferences. They are foundational qualifications for the roles of wife and husband that Scripture assigns. A warning from Israel: knowledge can be lost in a few generations Joshua died at 110. Then the next generation of leaders died. And then came one of the most sobering statements in Scripture: “There arose another generation… which knew not the Lord, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel” (Judges 2:10). Three generations—counting Joshua’s—was enough for Israel to lose the knowledge of God. How long will it take for the church to suffer the same fate if homes do not regain Joshua’s conviction? The call remains: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

By Al Felder “And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren ” (Genesis 13:8). Peace and harmony are blessings from God. Yet no matter how close a relationship may be, conflict will arise at times—between husbands and wives, parents and children, and even among members of the body of Christ. The question is not whether conflict will ever appear, but how God’s people handle conflict when it disrupts relationships . God has not left His people without guidance. Scripture provides a pattern for addressing conflict that protects relationships, strengthens the church, and honors Christ. Conflict is not part of God’s original design In the beginning, conflict did not exist in human relationships. There was no strife, jealousy, envy, or hatred because there was no sin. People acted toward one another with love. But sin entered God’s creation, and the effects were immediate. When God confronted Adam after the first sin, Adam’s response revealed how quickly sin damages relationships: “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me… she gave me… and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12). A loving husband became a blaming husband. Not long after, Cain’s jealousy toward Abel grew into hatred and murder (Genesis 4:8). The relationship of brothers turned into enemies because sin took root in the heart. Conflict is destructive—especially among God’s people Conflict is a military term meaning to fight against . When two people allow themselves to become “at odds,” the relationship becomes a battlefield. And when conflict is allowed to spread among God’s people, it does tremendous damage. Unresolved conflicts drain the church of strength. It rarely stays between “just two people.” Others are drawn in, sides form, and division grows. A congregation can become like an army thrown into confusion—turning on itself instead of standing together against the enemy. The mission suffers. Souls are neglected. The church is weakened from within. So what can be done to prevent conflict from destroying relationships? Where conflicts truly come from James answers that question plainly: “From whence come wars and fighting among you?… even of your lusts that war in your members” (James 4:1–3). Conflicts arise when what I want  becomes the highest goal. It shows itself in language like  'my way, '  'my feelings, ' '  my rights, '  and 'my needs .' Two people dig in, build their camps, and start campaigning for what they desire. Pride and fleshly desires take the place of humility and love. This is not the same as contending for truth against false doctrine. The focus here is conflict between people—often fueled by selfishness or mishandling personality differences. Different personalities are not sinful, but we can sin by how we respond  to those differences. And selfishness itself is sin because it violates God’s command to put others first. Deal with conflict quickly When conflict arises, it must be handled quickly, not postponed. Jesus said, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow…” (Matthew 6:34). Today’s problems should be handled today. Unresolved issues from the past become a load that weakens a Christian’s ability to serve effectively. Christ’s instruction is direct: “If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee… first be reconciled to thy brother” (Matthew 5:23–24). Reconciliation is not a “someday” command. It is urgent. Time often makes conflict worse, not better. The offended and the offender both have responsibility God’s pattern calls both people to act—not one. If someone has something against you Before approaching anyone else, look inward. Jesus said to remove the beam from your own eye first (Matthew 7:3–5). Honest self-examination is essential because many conflicts never resolve when both people only point fingers. If you discover that you have wronged someone, seek forgiveness. Pride cannot be allowed to keep the relationship broken. If someone has trespassed against you Christ also gives clear instruction: “If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). If you believe you have been wronged, go directly to the person—privately. It is that simple. What not to do: bitterness and gossip Many conflicts arise because people do the opposite of what Matthew 18 says. Instead of going to the person, they go to everyone else. James warns that bitter envying and strife are not wisdom from above; they produce confusion and every evil work (James 3:14–16). When we carry bitterness, envy, and strife, the offense grows. And when we tell others instead of the person involved, we multiply damage. That is not God’s way. When Scripture is applied thoroughly, both parties have an obligation—each should be moving toward reconciliation. It creates a beautiful picture: two Christians walking toward each other and meeting in the middle. Renew the mind: stop thinking like the world “Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). A worldly mindset says, “Stand your ground, protect your pride, get even, demand your rights.”God’s word teaches the opposite. As Scripture renews the mind, the response to conflict changes. Problems are handled in a way that pleases God. Practical habits that prevent conflict from escalating Give a soft answer “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Often, one sharp response meets another, and before long, a minor irritation becomes a full-blown conflict. But a gracious response can defuse a situation before it grows. Prefer one another “Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth” (1 Corinthians 10:24). It is challenging to stay offended when the heart is genuinely focused on what is best for someone else. The spirit of “self first” fuels conflict; the spirit of “others first” starves it. Pray for one another “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another… The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). It is hard to remain bitter toward someone you are praying for. Prayer softens the heart, invites healing, and leads to peace in the body of Christ. Conclusion: forgive as Christ forgave Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice are fuel for conflict. God’s people must work to maintain a good attitude toward one another. “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another… even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13). Christ sought our good when we were unlovely and ungodly. He set the ultimate example of putting others first. If we follow Him, we can face conflict without destroying relationships—and we can protect the unity and strength of the Lord’s church.

By Al Felder “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church… Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24). In these verses, God reveals a deeper understanding of marriage—one that lifts it far above preference, personality, or culture. Marriage was designed to represent something holy: Christ’s covenant relationship with the church . In that picture, a husband and wife portray to a lost world the relational oneness that exists between Christ and His people. Wives, in this relationship, portray the church—showing what it looks like for God’s people to be subject to their Savior. This subject is not popular in modern society. For years, the differences between men and women have been downplayed, and distinctions of role are treated as offensive. But the tension between the sexes is not new, and if we want to understand it, we must begin where God begins: in the beginning . God’s design: equal in value, different in role Genesis teaches that both man and woman were created in the image of God: “male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:26–27). That means both are equal in value and dignity . Neither sex is more valuable than the other. Scripture reinforces this truth when it says the husband is to honor his wife and recognize that they are “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). The wife is not a lesser person. She bears God’s image and must be treated with honor. At the same time, Genesis also teaches that equality of value does not mean sameness of role. Genesis 2 gives a closer view that shows order and responsibility: the man was created first, and that order establishes headship and submission as part of God’s original design. Paul reflects this creation order in 1 Corinthians 11:8–9: “the woman [is] of the man… created for the man.” In the beginning, the picture is beautiful: a sinless man who is strong and tender in moral leadership, and a sinless woman who is joyful and supportive in response—no belittling from the man, no groveling from the woman, and no conflict between their roles. When sin entered, the order was attacked and confusion followed Satan hates God’s order. He rejected his own role because he wanted to be god, and he delights in twisting what God has established. That is precisely what happened in Genesis 3. Satan approached the woman, making her the spokesperson—something that should not have happened according to God’s pattern of leadership. The man stood silent, passive, and withdrawn. The result was ruin. When the New Testament says the woman was deceived (1 Timothy 2:14), the point is not that women are morally inferior or more gullible. The point is that great ruin follows when God’s order is rejected , and both men and women become more vulnerable to error when they forsake God’s arrangement. Sin introduced confusion that has lasted through the ages: masculinity and femininity are denied, men become passive, women become aggressive, and society becomes confused about what a man should be and what a woman should be. Sin also damaged how men and women respond to one another. Adam blamed Eve (Genesis 3:12), showing the beginning of hostility and mistreatment. And God told Eve, “thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16). That “desire” is clarified by the parallel language in Genesis 4:6–7, where sin “desired” Cain—meaning it sought to overpower and dominate him. Cain was told he must rule over it. In the relationship between man and woman after the fall, conflict emerges—an ongoing battle of domination and control. Men often misuse physical strength to rule harshly. Women may not possess the same physical strength, but sin still tempts them toward manipulation—through words, influence, or using weakness as leverage to subdue a man. That is not God’s design. That is sin’s distortion. Redemption restores God’s pattern In Christ, God calls both man and woman to break the bonds of sin and return to His original design for marriage. A husband portrays Christ’s loving headship of the church, and a wife portrays the church’s joyful submission to Christ. That brings us back to the command: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). What submission means The word “submit” is a military term meaning to rank under. It involves more than outward obedience; it also includes an attitude of subjecting one’s judgment and will to another within God’s appointed order. This does not  mean the woman is inferior. Consider Christ Himself. Philippians 2:6–8 shows that Jesus is equal with God, yet He humbled Himself and became obedient to carry out the plan of redemption. Likewise, a wife submits so that God’s plan for the family can be carried out. “In everything” and the two clarifications that must be made Ephesians 5:24 says, “as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” That means the husband’s role as leader, protector, and provider touches all areas of life. But two crucial clarifications keep this command from being distorted. 1) Submission does not mean a wife can’t think, speak, or contribute God created woman to be a helper—not helpless. The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31:10–12 shows a wife whose husband safely trusts her—nothing hidden, no fear of ridicule, and a profound unity of heart and purpose. Biblical submission includes a wife using her gifts to help her husband: offering wisdom, insight, prayer, and encouragement—not to take over leadership, but to strengthen and support it. And when differences arise, submission means she does not manipulate to get her way; she follows his lead. 2) Submission never places a husband in God’s place God comes first. If a husband asks his wife to sin, her obedience must be to God. Acts 5:29 clearly states the principle: “We ought to obey God rather than men.” A husband’s authority is delegated , not absolute. He is the head of the home to carry out God’s plan—not his own. So while a husband is first in human relationships, God always takes precedence over all . Conclusion: submission honors God Colossians 3:16–18 connects the wife’s role to a life governed by God’s word: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” A wife honors God when she submits—showing that obeying God matters more than getting her way, and portraying to the world the church’s reverent submission to Christ. When God’s design is embraced—without pride, without abuse, without manipulation—marriage becomes what it was always meant to be: a living picture of Christ and His people.