How Can Parents Teach Their Children to Be Kind?

By Al Felder

Children need to learn kindness. Kindness is not weakness. It is not merely being polite. It is not pretending that wrong does not matter. Biblical kindness is goodness in action. It is a heart trained to treat others with patience, mercy, compassion, gentleness, and helpfulness because God’s will governs the way we treat people.

Children are not born knowing how to be kind. They must be taught to share, speak gently, consider others, forgive, help, listen, and serve. They must be corrected when they are selfish, cruel, mocking, harsh, disrespectful, or careless with another person’s feelings.

Jesus said, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). That is often called the Golden Rule, and it is one of the simplest and most practical lessons parents can teach. Children need to learn to ask, “How would I want to be treated?” They also need to learn something even deeper: “How does God want me to treat others?” Kindness is not merely a family value. It is part of faithful living before God.

Kindness Begins With the Character of God

Parents should teach children that kindness begins with God. God is not cruel, selfish, hateful, or careless. He shows mercy, patience, goodness, and compassion. Even when man sins, God’s goodness is seen in His patience and willingness to provide a way of forgiveness through Christ.

Romans 2:4 speaks of “the goodness of God” leading men to repentance. God’s goodness is not approval of sin. It is His patient, merciful dealing with man. Children need to learn that kindness does not mean ignoring wrong. It means acting with a heart shaped by goodness.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” This verse connects kindness, tenderness, and forgiveness. It teaches children that kindness is not just about nice words. It is about the heart and actions that flow from understanding God’s mercy. A child who learns God’s kindness will have a better reason to be kind to others.

Kindness Must Be Taught in the Home

The home is the first place children learn how to treat people. If children are allowed to speak harshly to parents, mock siblings, take what is not theirs, interrupt rudely, laugh at others' weaknesses, or ignore others' needs, they are being trained in selfishness. Parents must not excuse cruelty as personality, teasing, humor, or childhood behavior.

Kindness must be taught. A child can learn to say, “Please,” “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “Are you okay?” However, kindness must go beyond manners. A child should learn to notice when someone is sad, help when someone is struggling, speak gently when someone makes a mistake, and avoid making fun of another person.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering.” These qualities are not automatic. They must be “put on.” Children must be taught to clothe their character with kindness.

Parents can teach this in daily situations:

When a sibling is hurt, show concern.

When someone drops something, help pick it up.

When a younger child struggles, be patient.

When someone is left out, include him.

When someone makes a mistake, do not mock.

When someone needs help, serve.

These small moments help form a kind heart.

Kindness Requires Self-Control

Children often act unkindly because they are ruled by impulse. They feel angry, so they yell. They feel jealous, so they insult. They feel embarrassed, so they blame. They feel annoyed, so they snap. They feel selfish, so they refuse to share.

Parents must teach children that feelings do not excuse unkindness. A child may feel frustrated, but he must still speak respectfully. He may feel disappointed, but he must not be cruel. He may feel angry, but he must not sin.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Children need to learn the power of speech. Words can calm or inflame. They can heal or wound. They can encourage or crush.

James 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” That is a needed lesson for children. They must learn not to say every thought, answer every insult, or react to every irritation. Kindness often begins when a child learns to pause.

Kindness Is Not Excusing Sin

Parents must also teach children that kindness does not mean approving wrong. Some people confuse kindness with permissiveness. They think being kind means never correcting, never disagreeing, never warning, and never saying something is sinful, but that is not biblical kindness. True kindness acts for another person’s good, and sometimes that includes correction.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” A faithful friend may say something hard because he cares. A deceitful person may flatter while allowing harm to continue. Children need to learn this balance. They should not be cruel when someone does wrong, but they also should not call wrong right. They should not laugh at sin, join sin, excuse sin, or encourage sin in order to be liked. A child can be kind and still refuse to participate in disobedience. A child can be gentle and still tell the truth.

Ephesians 4:15 speaks of “speaking the truth in love.” Truth and love belong together. Parents must teach children not to separate them.

Kindness Must Include Speech

Much unkindness happens through words. Children may insult, mock, complain, whisper, exaggerate, accuse, belittle, or use sarcasm to hurt others. They may say something cruel and then claim, “I was just joking.” Parents must teach that humor is not an excuse for sin.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification.” Speech should build up, not tear down. Children need to learn that words should be chosen carefully.

Parents can ask:

Was that helpful?

Was that true?

Was that necessary?

Was that respectful?

Did it build up or tear down?

Would you want someone to say that to you?

These questions teach children to examine their words before speaking. A child who learns kindness in speech is being trained in wisdom. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” Kind words can strengthen others. Parents should teach children to use speech as a tool for good.

Kindness Must Include Action

Kindness is not only what we say. It is also what we do. First John 3:18 says, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” Children must learn that kindness is an act. It helps, gives, serves, and sacrifices.

A child can say he loves his family while refusing to help. He can say he cares while ignoring someone in need. He can say he is kind while acting selfishly. Parents must help children connect words with deeds.

Kindness may look like sharing a toy, helping clean up a mess, writing a note, carrying something heavy, giving up a turn, sitting with someone who is lonely, helping a younger sibling, or offering encouragement to someone who is discouraged. These may seem like small things, but they train the heart.

Jesus taught that service matters. He did not live selfishly. He helped the weak, showed compassion to the suffering, and taught His disciples to serve rather than seek greatness for themselves. Children need to see that kindness is not merely a feeling. It is love with shoes on.

Kindness Teaches Children to See Others

Selfishness blinds children. A selfish child thinks mainly about what he wants, what he feels, what he likes, and what others should do for him. Kindness teaches a child to notice others. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” That is a powerful lesson for the home. Children must be taught to look beyond themselves.

Parents can ask:

How do you think your brother felt when you said that?

What could you do to help your sister?

Did you notice that your mother needed help?

How would you feel if someone treated you that way?

Who needs encouragement today?

These questions train children to think about others. They help move the child from self-centeredness toward compassion. Kindness grows when children learn to see people, not merely use them.

Kindness Must Reach Beyond the Home

Children should be taught that kindness extends beyond the home. They must learn kindness toward neighbors, brethren, classmates, visitors, the elderly, the weak, the lonely, the poor, and even those who are difficult to love. Jesus taught His disciples to do good even to enemies (Luke 6:35). That is not easy, but children should begin learning the principle early.

It is easy to be kind to people who are kind first. It is harder to be kind when someone is rude, annoying, different, or ungrateful. However, biblical kindness is not controlled by how others behave. It is controlled by the will of God.

Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Children need that lesson. If someone is unkind, they must not become unkind in return. If someone mocks, they must not answer with cruelty. If someone excludes them, they must not seek revenge.

Kindness does not mean becoming a doormat. Children can have boundaries. They can seek help. They can refuse to participate in sin, but they must still learn to act with a spirit that honors God.

Parents Must Model Kindness

Children learn kindness by watching their parents. They notice how parents speak to one another. They notice how parents respond when tired, frustrated, disappointed, or inconvenienced. They notice whether parents are patient with weakness, gentle in correction, and compassionate toward those in need.

They also notice how parents speak about others when those people are not present.

If parents gossip, mock, criticize, insult, or speak harshly, children will learn that pattern. If parents are kind in public but cruel in private, children will see the contradiction. If parents demand kindness from children while refusing to practice it themselves, the lesson will be weakened.

Proverbs 31:26 says of the virtuous woman, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” That is a beautiful description of speech in the home. Parents should want kindness to be heard in their words.

Fathers and mothers should model kindness in correction, marriage, hospitality, service, speech, and forgiveness. Children should see kindness lived.

Kindness and Correction Belong Together

Parents should also remember to be kind while correcting children. Correction must be firm, but it should not be cruel. Discipline should train, not humiliate. Rebuke should be serious, but not hateful. Parents must not use anger as an excuse for harshness.

Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke children to wrath. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Children can be discouraged when correction is constant, harsh, unfair, sarcastic, or without affection.

Parents must teach kindness partly by the way they correct. A child should know that sin matters, but also that he is loved. He should know that correction is not rejection. He should know that parents are seeking his good, not merely expressing irritation. When parents correct with wisdom and kindness, they give children an example of how truth and love work together.

Kindness Points Children to Christ

The greatest example of kindness is seen in Christ. Jesus was not weak. He corrected sin. He rebuked hypocrisy. He upheld truth. Yet, He also showed compassion, patience, mercy, and tenderness toward the humble and hurting.

Matthew 11:28 records His invitation: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” That invitation shows the heart of the Savior. Children need to see that kindness is not separate from truth. Christ was full of truth and compassion.

Parents should point children to Jesus as the perfect example. He did not live selfishly. He served, gave, suffered, and died for sinners. If children want to understand kindness, they must learn to look at Him.

Ephesians 5:2 says, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us.” The cross teaches the deepest meaning of love and kindness. It is not merely words. It is a self-giving action for the good of others.

Teaching Kindness One Moment at a Time

Kindness is taught in ordinary moments.

It is taught when a child is corrected for a harsh word.

It is taught when he is required to apologize.

It is taught when he is encouraged to help someone.

It is taught when he sees parents serve.

It is taught when Scripture is opened.

It is taught when selfishness is corrected.

It is taught when a family visits, gives, helps, forgives, and speaks gently.

Parents should not overlook these moments. They are shaping the heart.

Children need to learn that kindness is not optional. It is part of walking with God. It belongs in the home, in the church, in school, in friendships, and in all of life.

The world often teaches children to be loud, selfish, rude, sarcastic, and proud.

Parents must teach something better. Teach them to be kind.

Reflection Questions

1. Am I teaching my children that kindness is rooted in the character and will of God?

2. Do I correct unkind speech, sarcasm, mocking, and cruel teasing in the home?

3. Are my children learning that kindness includes both words and actions?

4. Do my children see kindness in the way I speak, correct, serve, and respond under stress?

5. What ordinary moment this week can I use to help my children practice kindness?