How Can Parents Teach Their Children to Choose Good Friends?

By Al Felder

Children need to learn how to choose good friends. Friendship is powerful. The people children spend time with can shape their speech, attitudes, habits, interests, values, and spiritual direction. A friend can encourage what is right, or make wrong seem normal. A friend can strengthen reverence for God, or slowly weaken it. A friend can help a child walk wisely, or lead him into foolishness.

Parents must not treat friendships as spiritually neutral. Children may think a friend is good simply because he is fun, popular, funny, talented, or accepting. Parents must teach them to think more deeply. A good friend is not merely someone who makes life enjoyable. A good friend helps, or at least does not hinder, one’s walk before God.

Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” That is a serious warning. Companionship changes people. Children need to learn that who they walk with matters.

Friends Influence the Heart

Parents should teach children that friendship affects the heart. A child may begin with strong convictions, but constant companionship with foolishness can wear down his resistance. He may start laughing at things he once knew were wrong. He may begin speaking like his friends, dressing like his friends, desiring what they desire, and excusing what they excuse.

First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” The warning begins with “Do not be deceived” because people often underestimate the influence of others. Children may say, “They will not affect me,” or “I know what is right,” or “I am just hanging around them.” But God says evil company corrupts.

Parents need to help children understand that influence often happens slowly. A child may not abandon truth all at once. He may begin by tolerating what is wrong, then laughing at it, then defending it, then practicing it. That is why friendship must be chosen carefully.

Not Every Friendly Person Is a Good Friend

Children should be kind to others, but kindness is not the same as close companionship. Parents must teach children to treat all people with respect, compassion, and fairness. A Christian should not be rude, proud, or hateful toward others. However, close friendship is different. The people a child trusts, imitates, confides in, and spends much time with should be chosen with wisdom. Proverbs 22:24-25 says, “Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.” This passage shows that some companionships are dangerous because they teach patterns of sin.

A child should learn to ask:

Does this friend tell the truth?

Does this friend respect parents and authority?

Does this friend encourage obedience?

Does this friend mock what is right?

Does this friend pressure me to do wrong?

Does this friend make sin seem funny?

Does this friend help me become better or worse?

These questions can help children see beyond personality and popularity.

Friends Can Pull Children Toward Sin

Children need to know that some friends will pressure them. They may pressure them to lie, disobey, use bad language, view sinful things, dress immodestly, disrespect parents, mock others, cheat, gossip, or hide behavior from adults. Sometimes the pressure will be obvious. Other times it will come through teasing, exclusion, laughter, or the desire to fit in. Exodus 23:2 says, “You shall not follow a crowd to do evil.” Children need that sentence stored deeply in their minds. The crowd may be wrong, loud, and make sin look normal, but the crowd does not have authority to change God’s will.

Parents should prepare children before pressure comes. They can help them practice simple responses:

“No, I am not doing that.”

“That is wrong.”

“I need to leave.”

“I am going to tell my parents.”

“I do not talk that way.”

“I cannot watch that.”

Children should not have to invent courage in the moment without training. Parents should teach them how to stand.

Good Friends Encourage What Is Right

A good friend can be a great blessing. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Friends can help one another become stronger, wiser, and more faithful. They can encourage good choices, honest speech, kindness, diligence, worship, and respect for God.

Children should learn to value friends who help them do right.

A good friend tells the truth.

A good friend does not pressure others to sin.

A good friend respects correction.

A good friend speaks kindly.

A good friend does not mock worship, the Bible, or obedience.

A good friend wants what is best for the soul.

A good friend can say hard things when needed.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” A true friend may correct, warn, or disagree because he cares. Children need to learn that a friend who always agrees with sin is not truly loving them.

Parents Should Know Their Children’s Friends

Parents should be involved in their children’s friendships. This does not mean hovering fearfully over every conversation, but it does mean paying attention. Parents should know who their children spend time with, what kind of influence those friends have, what they talk about, where they go, and what values are being reinforced. First Corinthians 15:33 does not become less true because a child is young. Evil company still corrupts good habits.

Parents should ask thoughtful questions:

Who did you spend time with today?

What do they like to talk about?

How do they treat others?

Do they respect adults?

Do they use clean speech?

Do they encourage you to do right?

Have they ever asked you to hide something?

These questions should not be asked only as interrogation. They should be part of regular conversation. Parents who build open communication early will have more opportunity to guide wisely later.

Parents Must Set Boundaries When Needed

Sometimes parents must limit or end a friendship. This can be difficult. A child may not understand. He may feel embarrassed, angry, or lonely. Parents are responsible for protecting and training their children. If a friendship is clearly corrupting, parents must act. Proverbs 4:14-15 says, “Do not enter the path of the wicked, And do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it; Turn away from it and pass on.” That is strong language. Some paths should not be explored. They should be avoided.

Parents should explain boundaries clearly. They can say, “We are not allowing this friendship to continue in the same way because it is leading you away from what is right.” Or, “You may be kind to this person, but you may not spend close, unsupervised time with them.” This is not hatred toward the other child. It is protection of the soul.

Children must learn that not every relationship is safe for close companionship.

Children Should Be Friendly Without Becoming Foolish

Parents must also teach balance. Children should not become proud, cold, or self-righteous. They should not treat others as beneath them. Jesus ate with sinners, taught the lost, and showed compassion to those who needed truth and mercy. Christians should be kind, hospitable, and willing to influence others for good. However, Jesus was never led into sin by sinners.

Children must learn the difference between being a light and being pulled into darkness. Matthew 5:16 says, “Let your light so shine before men.” Light is meant to shine, but light must not become darkness by joining the sin it should expose.

A child can be kind to someone without copying him.

A child can speak respectfully without becoming closely attached.

A child can invite someone to worship without joining sinful behavior.

A child can show compassion without surrendering conviction.

Parents should teach children to influence others for good while guarding their own hearts.

Loneliness Can Make Bad Friendships Tempting

Children may accept poor friendships because they are lonely. They may think a bad friend is better than no friend. They may fear being left out. They may compromise because they want belonging. Parents should take this seriously. Loneliness is painful, especially for children and teenagers, but loneliness must not be allowed to become an excuse for sin.

Psalm 1:1 blesses the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, stand in the path of sinners, or sit in the seat of the scornful. Sometimes faithfulness requires standing apart. Children need to know that being alone for a time is better than walking with those who lead them away from God.

Parents should help children find better companions where possible. They can encourage relationships with faithful children, cousins, older Christians, siblings, and godly families. They can create opportunities for wholesome fellowship, but they must also teach courage: it is better to stand with God than sit comfortably with the ungodly.

Friendship Should Not Replace Family Guidance

As children grow, friends may become more influential. Parents must not surrender their role. A child should not learn to value a friend’s opinion above parental instruction. He should not trust peer approval more than Scripture. He should not make decisions by asking, “What will my friends think?” while ignoring, “What does God say?”

Proverbs 1:8 says, “My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother.” Parents must continue teaching, warning, listening, and guiding.

Children should be reminded that true friends will not ask them to dishonor father and mother. A friend who encourages rebellion against parents is dangerous. A friend who says, “Do not tell your parents,” should raise concern. Good friendships do not require secrecy from righteous authority.

Parents Must Model Wise Companionship

Children notice the friendships their parents choose. If parents maintain close companionship with worldly, immoral, divisive, or careless people, children may learn that influence does not matter. If parents gossip with friends, complain with friends, compromise with friends, or neglect spiritual priorities because of friends, children will notice.

Parents should model wise companionship. Psalm 119:63 says, “I am a companion of all who fear You, and of those who keep Your precepts.” That is the kind of companionship children need to see. Parents should value relationships with people who fear God, love truth, serve faithfully, and encourage righteousness. This does not mean parents should avoid all contact with the lost. Christians must teach and influence the lost, but close companionship should be chosen wisely. Parents should show children that friendships are spiritual decisions.

Good Friends Help Children Serve God

Good friendships can help children become stronger Christians. A faithful friend can encourage worship. A faithful friend can help resist temptation. A faithful friend can speak truth when others flatter. A faithful friend can pray, study, serve, and grow alongside another. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one,” because one can lift the other when he falls. Children need friends who will help lift them spiritually, not push them lower. Parents can teach children to become that kind of friend too.

Do not only look for good friends.

Be a good friend.

Tell the truth.

Encourage what is right.

Refuse to join in sin.

Help the weak.

Forgive.

Speak kindly.

Stand faithfully.

A child who learns to be a faithful friend can bless others deeply.

Christ Must Be the Closest Friend

Parents should ultimately point children to Christ. Human friends are valuable, but even the best human friend is imperfect. Friends may move away, disappoint, misunderstand, or fail. Christ is the perfect friend of the soul. Jesus said, “You are My friends if you do whatever I command you” (John 15:14). Friendship with Christ is not casual sentiment. It is tied to obedience. Children need to learn that the greatest relationship they can have is with the Lord.

If a friendship pulls them away from Christ, it is too costly. If approval from friends becomes more important than approval from God, the heart is in danger. If they must choose between pleasing friends and obeying Christ, Christ must come first. Parents should teach children that no earthly friendship is worth losing the soul.

Teaching Friendship in Everyday Life

Parents teach children about friendship in ordinary moments.

They teach when a child chooses who to sit with.

They teach when a friend pressures him.

They teach when a child is lonely.

They teach when someone mocks what is right.

They teach when the family discusses influence.

They teach when parents model godly companionship.

They teach when Scripture is opened and applied to relationships.

Children need guidance before the wrong friendships take root deeply. The world will teach children to choose friends by popularity, amusement, acceptance, and shared interests. Parents must teach them to choose with wisdom. A good friend is a blessing.

A foolish companion is dangerous, and every friendship should be measured by whether it helps or harms the soul.

Reflection Questions

1. Am I teaching my children that friendships influence the heart, speech, habits, and spiritual direction?

2. Do I know who my children’s closest friends are and what kind of influence they have?

3. Have I taught my children how to respond when friends pressure them to do wrong?

4. Am I modeling wise companionship in my own friendships?

5. What can I do this week to help my children build friendships that encourage faithfulness to God?