How Can Parents Teach Their Children to Respect Authority?

By Al Felder

Children need to learn respect for authority. This lesson begins in the home, but it reaches far beyond the home. A child who learns to respect rightful authority is being prepared to respect God’s authority, parental authority, civil authority, congregational leadership, and the responsibilities that come with marriage, work, and daily life.

Respect for authority is not popular in a world that often celebrates self-will. Many children are taught, directly or indirectly, that no one has the right to tell them what to do. They are encouraged to question every boundary, resist correction, and treat personal desire as the highest rule, but God did not design life that way.

The Bible teaches order, submission, accountability, and responsibility. Authority is not man’s invention. Proper authority comes from God, and children need to learn that early.

Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” That command gives parents a starting place. Children must learn that obedience and respect are not merely family preferences. They are part of what God says is right.

Authority Begins With God

Parents must first teach children that all rightful authority begins with God.

God is the Creator. He made man. He gives life. He defines truth. He reveals right and wrong. He commands, forbids, authorizes, and judges. Because God is God, His authority is final.

Psalm 100:3 says, “Know that the LORD, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” That truth humbles man. We did not make ourselves. We do not own ourselves. We are accountable to the One who made us. Children need to hear this often. They need to learn that life is not about doing whatever they want. They were created by God and must live before God.

When children understand that God has authority, they can better understand why His word must be obeyed. They can learn that the Bible is not merely advice; it is not a book of suggestions. It is the word of God, and God’s word has authority over the home, the church, worship, morality, speech, dress, work, marriage, and salvation.

Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” To act in the name of the Lord is to act by His authority. Children need to learn that not everything people enjoy, prefer, or invent is authorized by God. Respect for authority begins with asking, “What has God said?”

Parental Authority Trains the Heart

The home is the first place where children encounter authority. Parents are not simply older people in the house. God has given them the responsibility to lead, train, correct, protect, and instruct their children. This authority must never be selfish, cruel, or careless, but it must be real.

Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” Children need to understand that respecting parents is part of pleasing God. This means parents must require respect. A child should not be allowed to speak to parents with contempt, mockery, shouting, eye-rolling, manipulation, or constant argument. These behaviors are not harmless expressions of personality. They train the child’s heart to despise authority.

That does not mean children may never ask questions. Parents should be willing to teach, explain, and listen wisely, but there is a difference between a respectful question and a rebellious challenge. Children must learn that distinction.

Ephesians 6:2 says, “Honor your father and mother.” Honor involves more than outward obedience. It includes attitude, tone, speech, and regard. A child may do what he is told while still showing dishonor in the way he does it. Parents must train both conduct and heart.

Respect Is Not the Same as Fearful Silence

Teaching respect for authority does not mean teaching children to be afraid to speak. Children should be able to ask honest questions. They should be able to seek help. They should be able to tell parents when something is wrong. They should be able to express confusion, fear, sadness, or concern. Respectful homes do not crush children; they train them.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Parents must not misuse authority. They must not provoke children through harshness, hypocrisy, inconsistency, humiliation, or unreasonable demands.

Authority must be exercised under God’s authority. A father who demands respect while refusing to show patience, fairness, and self-control is not modeling godly leadership. A mother who corrects with anger, sarcasm, or manipulation is not helping a child understand righteous authority. Parents must be firm but also loving and just.

Children should learn that authority is not the same as tyranny. Proper authority protects, guides, corrects, and serves. The goal is not to silence a child’s heart. The goal is to shape it.

Children Must Learn to Receive Correction

A major part of respecting authority is learning how to receive correction. Many children resist correction because they see it as an attack. They may argue, blame others, cry to avoid responsibility, become angry, or refuse to listen. Parents must teach children that correction is not hatred. Proper correction is love.

Proverbs 12:1 says, “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” That is plain and serious. A child who refuses correction is not walking wisely.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Correction may not feel pleasant, but it can produce good fruit.

Parents should teach children how to respond when corrected:

Listen.

Do not interrupt.

Do not make excuses.

Tell the truth.

Accept responsibility.

Apologize when wrong.

Make things right.

Change the behavior.

These are not merely social skills. They are spiritual habits. A child who learns to receive correction from parents is being prepared to receive correction from Scripture and from faithful people who care for his soul.

Respect for Authority Includes Respect for God’s Word

Children must learn that no human authority is higher than God’s word. Parents, teachers, governments, employers, and rulers have authority only within the limits God allows. If human authority commands what God forbids or forbids what God commands, the answer is clear.

Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” This is an important balance. Parents must teach children to respect rightful authority, but they must also teach them that God’s authority is supreme. Children should not grow up thinking submission means blindly obeying sin. They must learn the difference between humble obedience and sinful compromise.

Daniel and his friends provide a powerful example. When pressured to defile themselves or bow to what was wrong, they refused to disobey God. Their respect for authority did not erase their greater responsibility to the Lord.

Children need that courage. They need to learn to obey their parents, respect elders, honor civil authority, and behave properly at school and at work. However, they must also learn that God comes first. True respect for authority begins with submission to the highest authority.

Respect for Civil Authority

Parents should teach children to respect civil authority. Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God.” Civil authority is part of God’s order for society. Laws, rulers, courts, officers, and public order are not meaningless.

Children should learn not to despise rules simply because they dislike them. They should learn to obey laws, speak respectfully, respect property, and understand that society cannot function where everyone does what is right in their own eyes.

First Peter 2:17 says, “Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.” Even when rulers are imperfect, Christians are taught to show proper honor.

At the same time, children should understand that civil authority is not ultimate. Governments can be wrong. Laws can be unjust. Rulers can command what God forbids. When that happens, God must be obeyed rather than men. However, children must not confuse inconvenience with persecution or personal dislike with righteous resistance. Respect for civil authority should be part of their training.

Respect for Authority in the Church

Children must also learn respect for the order God has given in the church. The church is not a human organization to be reshaped according to preference. It belongs to Christ. He is the head of the body (Colossians 1:18). His word governs its worship, work, organization, and teaching.

Children should learn to respect the assembly. Worship is not playtime. Preaching is not background noise. Prayer is not casual talk. The Lord’s Supper is not common food. Singing is not entertainment. These things must be approached with reverence because they are done before God.

Children should also learn to respect elders who faithfully oversee the flock. Hebrews 13:17 says, “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls.” This does not give elders the right to change God’s word, but it does teach that spiritual oversight is serious and should not be treated with contempt.

Parents can help children by speaking respectfully about the church, the assembly, elders, preaching, and brethren. If children constantly hear their parents complain, mock, gossip, or carelessly criticize, they may learn disrespect instead of reverence. The home should teach children to honor God’s order in the church.

Parents Must Model Submission

Parents cannot effectively teach respect for authority while living in rebellion against authority. Children notice whether parents obey God. They notice whether parents respect Scripture. They notice whether parents honor their own commitments. They notice whether parents speak respectfully about civil rulers, elders, employers, teachers, and brethren. They notice whether parents obey the law when it's convenient and disregard it when it's inconvenient.

If parents want respectful children, they must model respect. James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Parents must show children what submission to God looks like in real life.

This includes admitting when they are wrong. A parent who refuses correction while demanding a correctable spirit from children is teaching contradiction. Children need to see humility. They need to see parents apologize, repent, obey Scripture, and accept responsibility. Parents should be able to say, “We submit to authority because we first submit to God.”

Disrespect Must Be Corrected Early

Disrespect rarely disappears on its own. A child who is allowed to speak with contempt may grow bolder in contempt. A child who is allowed to ignore instructions may become hardened in disobedience. A child who is allowed to mock authority may carry that spirit into the church, school, workplace, marriage, and his relationship with God.

Parents should correct disrespect early and consistently. This does not require yelling. It requires calm, firm, loving correction. Parents can say, “You may ask respectfully, but you may not speak that way.” “You may be upset, but you may not dishonor your mother.” “You may not understand yet, but you must obey.” “We will talk, but we will not argue in rebellion.”

Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Children left to themselves do not naturally grow into reverent, self-controlled, respectful people. They must be trained. Correcting disrespect is not about protecting parental pride. It is about shaping the child’s soul.

Authority Prepares Children for Faithful Living

Respect for authority prepares children for many areas of life. It prepares them to obey the gospel. It prepares them to worship God according to His word. It prepares them to receive correction. It prepares them to work faithfully for employers. It prepares them to honor the marriage roles God designed.

It prepares them to respect civil order. It prepares them to submit to the teaching of Scripture even when it challenges personal desire.

A child who never learns respect for authority will struggle with the words “submit,” “obey,” “honor,” and “serve.” Those words belong to faithful living.

Jesus Himself showed perfect submission to the Father. He said, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me” (John 6:38). If the Son of God submitted to the Father’s will, children must learn that submission is not weakness. It is righteousness.

Teaching Respect in Everyday Life

Respect for authority is taught in ordinary moments.

It is taught when a child answers a parent.

It is taught when a child receives correction.

It is taught when a child sits in worship.

It is taught when parents speak about elders.

It is taught when the family obeys civil laws.

It is taught when Scripture settles a question.

It is taught when a parent admits wrong.

It is taught when a child is required to obey even when he does not feel like it.

Parents should not overlook these moments. They are shaping how the child thinks about God, truth, obedience, and accountability. The world will teach children to exalt the self. Parents must teach them to honor God, and part of honoring God is learning to respect the authority He has established.

Reflection Questions

1. Am I teaching my children that all rightful authority begins with God?

2. Do I correct disrespectful speech, tone, attitude, and behavior consistently?

3. Am I modeling submission to God’s word in my own life?

4. Do my children hear me speak respectfully about the church, elders, civil authority, and others in positions of responsibility?

5. How can I better teach my children the difference between respectful questions and rebellious challenges?