How Do Excuses Keep Us From Obeying Christ? When Spiritual Words Refuse Practical Action
By Al Felder
Excuses can sound reasonable. They often come dressed in explanation, tiredness, busyness, disappointment, personality, past hurt, or even religious language. A person may say, “I know I should be more patient, but…” or “I know I should help, but…” or “I know I should apologize, but…” or “I know I should forgive, but…”
The problem is not always that we do not understand what Jesus said. Sometimes the problem is that we have become skilled at explaining why we are not doing it. Jesus said, “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them” (Matthew 7:12). It does not invite us to admire kindness while excusing selfishness. It calls us to action. The danger of excuses is that they let the mouth agree with Jesus while life refuses to obey Him.
Excuses Often Sound Spiritual
One of the most dangerous things about excuses is that they can sound spiritual. A person may say, “I am just being honest,” when he is actually speaking harshly. He may say, “I am standing for truth,” when he is really refusing tenderness. He may say, “I am protecting my peace,” when he is avoiding responsibility. He may say, “I am waiting for the right time,” when he is delaying obedience. He may say, “I am not enabling,” when he is refusing compassion. He may say, “I have boundaries,” when he is simply unwilling to forgive or serve.
Some of those phrases can be used rightly. Honesty matters. Truth matters. Peace matters. Wisdom matters. Boundaries may be necessary, but spiritual-sounding words can also become hiding places for disobedience. The real question is not, “Can I make this sound reasonable?” The real question is, “Am I obeying Christ?”
“That Is Just How I Am”
One common excuse is personality. A person may say, “That is just how I am.” He may use that statement to excuse harsh speech, impatience, coldness, selfishness, poor listening, or unwillingness to help, but discipleship means Christ changes us.
A short temper is not excused because it feels natural. A sharp tongue is not justified because it is familiar. A selfish habit is not acceptable because it has been practiced for years. Jesus does not call us to defend the old man; He calls us to put him off.
The Golden Rule challenges every personality. Some people must learn gentleness. Some must learn courage. Some must learn patience. Some must learn responsibility. Some must learn to speak. Some must learn to be silent. Some must learn to serve without complaint. Christ does not ask whether obedience matches our natural temperament. He asks us to follow Him.
“I Am Too Busy”
Busyness is another common excuse. People are busy with work, family, responsibilities, appointments, plans, and pressures. Some seasons of life are genuinely heavy. God knows our limitations. No person can do everything, help everyone, or carry every burden, but busyness can also become a shield for selfishness.
We may be too busy to notice the lonely. Too busy to apologize. Too busy to encourage. Too busy to pray for someone. Too busy to check on the absent. Too busy to listen carefully. Too busy to clean up what we left behind.
The Golden Rule asks us to consider what we would want if we were the one in need. If we were hurting, would we want everyone to be too busy to care? If we were overwhelmed, would we want others to walk past because they had plans?
Christian kindness does not require us to abandon all responsibilities, but it does require us to stop using busyness as an automatic excuse for indifference.
“Someone Else Can Do It”
Another excuse says, “Someone else can do it.” Someone else can clean it. Someone else can encourage them. Someone else can visit. Someone else can apologize first. Someone else can notice the problem. Someone else can carry the burden. Someone else can make peace. Sometimes someone else can, but sometimes God has placed the opportunity in front of us.
The Golden Rule does not ask, “Can someone else do this?” It asks, “What would I want done if I were in this person’s place?” If we have the opportunity and ability to do good, love should not be quick to pass the responsibility away. Galatians 6:10 says, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all.” Opportunity matters. If the opportunity is before us, we should be careful not to dismiss it too quickly. “Someone else can do it” may be true, but sometimes it simply means, “I do not want to.”
“They Do Not Deserve It”
This excuse is especially common when someone has hurt us, irritated us, or failed to appreciate us. A person may say, “They do not deserve my kindness.” That may be true in one sense. People do not always deserve patience, mercy, help, forgiveness, or consideration, but the Golden Rule is not built on what others deserve. It is built on what Jesus commands.
God has shown us mercy we did not earn. Christ died for sinners. Jesus served people who misunderstood Him, rejected Him, and failed Him. He did not practice kindness only toward those who were easy to love. This does not mean we ignore sin. It does not mean we enable harm. It does not mean we restore trust without repentance, but it does mean that resentment cannot become the ruler of our conduct. If we only treat people rightly when they deserve it, we are not following the full weight of Matthew 7:12.
“No One Does That for Me”
Another excuse says, “No one does that for me.” No one checks on me. No one thanks me. No one helps me. No one gives me patience. No one notices my burden. No one treats me the way I want to be treated.
That can be painful. It is hard to serve when we feel unseen. It is discouraging to keep doing good when others do not return it, but Jesus did not say, “Treat others the way they treat you.” He said, “Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them.”
The Golden Rule is not reactive. It does not wait for others to obey before we obey. It begins with our duty before God. If no one encourages you, be an encourager. If no one listens well, learn to listen. If no one shows patience, practice patience. If no one serves quietly, serve quietly before God. If no one apologizes first, humble yourself when you are wrong. God sees what others miss. That is enough for the faithful disciple.
“I Meant Well”
People often use good intentions to excuse harmful actions. A person may say, “I meant well,” after speaking carelessly, acting thoughtlessly, or leaving a burden behind. Good intentions matter, but they do not erase the need for responsibility.
If my words wounded someone, I should care about the wound. If my carelessness made work harder, I should care about the burden. If my delay created stress, I should care about the impact. If my tone was harsh, I should not hide behind my intention.
The Golden Rule doesn't just ask what we meant. It asks how we treated others.
If we were hurt by someone else’s carelessness, we would not want them to dismiss us by saying, “I meant well.” We would want them to take responsibility, apologize, and do better. Therefore, we must do the same.
“They Know How I Am”
This excuse often appears in homes, friendships, and church relationships. A person may speak harshly and say, “They know how I am.” He may be unreliable and say, “People know I am forgetful.” He may be easily offended and expect everyone to work around him. He may refuse to grow because others have adjusted to his weaknesses, but being known for a weakness is not the same as being excused for it.
If people know we are harsh, that means they have been affected by our harshness. If they know we are careless, they have carried the burden of our carelessness. If they know we are difficult, they have learned to live around our difficulty. Jesus calls us to grow. The Golden Rule asks us to stop making others adjust constantly to habits we refuse to correct.
“I Will Do It Later”
Delayed obedience is often disobedience in slow motion. “I will apologize later.” “I will check on them later.” “I will make it right later.” “I will serve later.” “I will forgive later.” “I will change later.”
Sometimes waiting is wise. A person may need to calm down before speaking. He may need to gather facts before correcting. He may need time to pray, think, and prepare, but delay becomes dangerous when it is only an excuse.
The longer we delay obedience, the easier disobedience becomes. The heart grows comfortable with what it first intended to correct. The apology becomes less urgent. The service becomes forgotten. The burden remains. When Jesus says “do,” He calls us to action. Not merely someday. Not only when the mood changes. Not only when someone else acts first. When obedience is clear, we should not hide behind delay.
“It Is Not a Big Deal”
Some excuses minimize small acts of disobedience. “It is not a big deal if I leave this for someone else.” “It is not a big deal if I speak sharply.” “It is not a big deal if I ignore that person.” “It is not a big deal if I waste their time.” “It is not a big deal if I complain,” but small things shape character.
The Golden Rule is often practiced in small moments: a tone, a task, a word, a message, a cart returned, a mess cleaned, a burden noticed, a person included, or a correction delivered with care. If we train ourselves to ignore small opportunities for kindness, we become less sensitive to larger ones. If we excuse thoughtlessness in ordinary life, we should not be surprised when selfishness grows. Little things matter because people matter.
Excuses Keep Love in the Mouth
One of the most dangerous results of excuses is that they keep love in the mouth instead of moving it into life. We say we care, but do not call. We say we believe in kindness, but speak harshly. We say we love the church, but do not help the brethren. We say family matters, but leave burdens at home. We say truth matters, but refuse to speak it with love. We say forgiveness matters, but hold resentment.
John wrote, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18). That verse confronts excuse-making. Love must not remain a statement. It must become action.
Jesus Did Not Live by Excuses
Jesus could have refused the burden of man’s need. He could have remained far from human suffering. He could have avoided rejection, pain, misunderstanding, and the cross, but He came. He came to serve. He came to seek and save the lost. He came to do the Father’s will. He came to give His life a ransom for many.
Jesus did not merely speak of love. He embodied it. His love moved toward need. His mercy acted. His obedience was costly. If we follow Him, we cannot be content with a religion of excuses. We must let His example reshape our habits.
Replacing Excuses With Obedience
The way forward is simple, but not easy. When tempted to say, “That is just how I am,” say, “Christ calls me to grow.”When tempted to say, “I am too busy,” ask, “What does love require in this moment?”When tempted to say, “Someone else can do it,” ask, “Has God given me an opportunity?”When tempted to say, “They do not deserve it,” remember Christ's mercy. When tempted to say, “No one does that for me,” remember that God sees. When tempted to say, “I meant well,” take responsibility for the impact. When tempted to say, “I will do it later,” obey while the opportunity remains. When tempted to say, “It is not a big deal,” remember that small acts shape the heart. Excuses lose power when we bring them before Christ.
A No-Excuse Golden Rule Check
Before dismissing an opportunity to do good, ask:
Am I making an excuse or exercising wisdom?
Would I want someone to use this excuse with me?
Is this really impossible, or merely inconvenient?
Am I avoiding responsibility?
Am I delaying obedience?
Am I protecting pride?
Am I refusing to serve because no one notices?
Is love asking me to act?
These questions help us be honest.
When Spiritual Words Refuse Practical Action
Excuses keep people from obeying Christ by making disobedience sound reasonable. They let us agree with Jesus while resisting what He commands, but the Golden Rule calls for more than admiration. It calls for action.
Do to others what you would want done to you. Speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to. Forgive as you would want forgiveness. Help as you would want help. Correct as you would want correction. Serve as you would want service. Show mercy as you would want mercy.
Kindness cannot remain trapped behind excuses.
It must walk.
It must act.
It must obey.
That is kindness with shoes on.
Reflection Questions
Why are excuses so dangerous in Christian living?
What excuse do you most often use to avoid practicing the Golden Rule?
How can spiritual-sounding words become hiding places for disobedience?
Why is “That is just how I am” not a valid excuse for sinful habits?
When does busyness become an excuse for indifference?
Why is “No one does that for me” not the standard Jesus gave?
How can good intentions still require apology and correction?
What small act of obedience have you been tempted to dismiss as “not a big deal”?
How did Jesus’ example expose excuse-making?
What is one excuse you need to replace with obedience this week?
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