What Should Parents Teach Their Children About Serving Others?

By Al Felder

Children need to learn to serve others. A child naturally sees life through his own wants, needs, feelings, and desires. He notices when he is hungry, tired, bored, disappointed, left out, or treated unfairly, but he must be taught to notice the needs of others. He must learn that life is not only about being served, entertained, protected, and provided for. He must learn to help, give, encourage, work, sacrifice, and think beyond himself.

Service is not merely a good habit. It is part of following Christ. Jesus said, “Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant” (Matthew 20:26). That is very different from the spirit of the world. The world often teaches children to seek attention, win praise, demand rights, protect comfort, and put self first. Christ teaches humility, usefulness, sacrifice, and love. Parents must teach children that greatness before God is not found in being served by everyone else; it is found in learning to serve.

Service Begins With Humility

A child cannot serve well while thinking too highly of himself. Pride says, “That is not my job.” Pride says, “Someone else can do it.” Pride says, “I should not have to help.” Pride says, “I am too important for that.” However, humility sees a need and asks, “What can I do?”

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” It continues, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Children need this lesson early. They must learn that other people have needs, burdens, hurts, weaknesses, and responsibilities too. A child should not grow up expecting everyone to arrange life around him.

Parents can teach humility through simple daily responsibilities. A child can help clean up without being the one who made the mess. He can help a younger sibling. He can carry something for an older person. He can give up a preferred seat. He can listen when someone else is speaking. He can learn to ask, “How can I help?” These ordinary moments train the heart away from selfishness.

Jesus Is the Perfect Example of Service

Parents should teach children to look at Jesus. The Son of God did not come into the world seeking selfish comfort or earthly greatness. He came to do the Father’s will and to save man. Matthew 20:28 says, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” That statement should shape how children think about service. If anyone deserved honor, it was Jesus. If anyone had the right to be served, it was Jesus. Yet He humbled Himself, taught the lost, helped the weak, showed compassion to the suffering, and gave Himself for sinners.

Children should learn that service is not beneath them. It was not beneath the Lord.

John 13 gives a powerful picture of this when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. He took the place of a servant and then said, “I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13:15). Children may not fully grasp every cultural detail at first, but they can understand the heart of it: Jesus served humbly, and His disciples must learn to serve humbly too.

Service Begins in the Home

Children should not be allowed to think service only happens somewhere else. The home is the first place where children learn whether they will contribute or merely consume. If a child refuses to help in the home, ignores the needs of family members, leaves every task to others, and expects to be served constantly, he is not being trained for Christian usefulness. Galatians 5:13 says, “Through love serve one another.” That begins with the people closest to us.

Children can serve parents by obeying, helping with chores, speaking respectfully, showing gratitude, and doing tasks without constant complaint. They can serve siblings by sharing, helping, forgiving, encouraging, and refusing cruelty. They can serve the family by taking responsibility for their part in the home. Parents should not do everything for children simply because it is easier. Training takes longer, but it forms character. A child who learns to help at home is being prepared to help in the church, in marriage, in work, and in the community.

Service Requires Seeing Needs

Children often need to be taught to notice. A child may step over a mess, ignore a crying sibling, walk past someone carrying a heavy load, or fail to recognize when someone is lonely or discouraged. This is not always deliberate cruelty. Sometimes children are simply self-focused and unaware. Parents must train their eyes.

Jesus noticed people. He saw the sick, the hungry, the grieving, the confused, the sinful, the weak, and the burdened. Matthew 9:36 says that when He saw the multitudes, “He was moved with compassion for them.” He did not look past people as inconveniences.

Children need to learn to see people with compassion.

Parents can ask:

Who needs help right now?

Did you notice your sister struggling?

How could we encourage that person?

What could you do to make this easier for your mother?

Who at worship might need a kind word?

Who is lonely?

Who is sick?

Who needs prayer?

These questions help children look beyond themselves.

Service Is Love in Action

Children must learn that love is more than words. It is easy for a child to say, “I love you,” while refusing to help, share, listen, or obey, but biblical love acts. First John 3:18 says, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”

Service is one of the ways love becomes visible.

A child serves when he helps without being forced.

He serves when he comforts someone who is sad.

He serves when he gives up time to help another.

He serves when he works so someone else’s burden is lighter.

He serves when he chooses kindness over selfishness.

He serves when he does what is needed even when it is not exciting.

Parents should teach children that real love does not merely feel. It does good.

Service Should Not Be Done for Praise

Children also need to learn the right motive for service. Sometimes a child may help only when others are watching. He may serve in order to be praised, rewarded, noticed, or compared favorably with others. While encouragement is helpful, parents must teach children that service should not be driven by pride. Jesus warned against doing righteous acts “to be seen by men” (Matthew 6:1). God cares not only about what is done, but why it is done.

Children should learn to serve even when no one applauds.

They should help when only God sees.

They should do good without needing attention.

They should not become resentful when another person is thanked instead of them.

They should not quit serving because no one praised them enough.

Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.” That is a wonderful verse for children. Work and service should be done before the Lord.

Service Requires Work

Serving others often requires effort. A child may like the idea of being helpful until helping becomes tiring, inconvenient, messy, or difficult, but service is not always easy. It may require time, patience, physical effort, sacrifice, and perseverance.

Parents should teach children that helpfulness includes work.

Helping an elderly person may require slowing down.

Helping with meals may require cleaning.

Helping a sibling may require patience.

Helping someone in need may require giving up something enjoyable.

Serving in the home may require doing chores when the child would rather play. Second Thessalonians 3:13 says, “But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.” Children should learn not to quit good works simply because they require effort.

Service forms diligence as well as compassion.

Service Should Be Connected to the Church

Children should learn that Christians serve one another in the church. The church is a body, and the members should care for one another. First Corinthians 12:25 says “that the members should have the same care for one another.” Children need to see that the church is not a place where people merely attend and leave. It is the body of Christ, and Christians are responsible to encourage, help, and strengthen one another.

Parents can involve children in simple acts of service among brethren.

Visit the sick with them.

Take food to someone in need.

Write cards to the elderly.

Help clean after a gathering.

Encourage them to greet older members.

Teach them to notice visitors.

Help them pray for brethren by name.

Let them see the work of serving saints.

These experiences help children love the church and understand that service is part of Christian life.

Service Does Not Mean Enabling Sin

Parents should also teach children wisdom. Serving others does not mean helping someone do wrong. It does not mean becoming controlled by manipulative people. It does not mean giving someone whatever they demand. It does not mean ignoring sin in the name of kindness.

Biblical service seeks another person’s true good. Galatians 6:1-2 teaches restoration and bearing burdens, but Galatians 6:5 also says, “For each one shall bear his own load.” Parents should teach children the difference between helping with a burden and taking responsibility for what another person must do himself.

A child can be kind without being foolish.

He can help without joining sin.

He can forgive without removing every boundary.

He can serve without becoming controlled by selfish demands.

This balance will help children practice compassion with discernment.

Service Teaches Gratitude

Serving others helps children become more thankful. When children help prepare meals, clean the home, care for younger siblings, visit the sick, or assist someone in need, they begin to see how much others do for them. Service opens their eyes to effort, sacrifice, and blessing.

A child who never serves may take everything for granted.

A child who serves begins to understand.

He sees that meals do not appear without work.

Clean clothes require labor.

A peaceful home requires effort.

Worship requires preparation.

The needy require care.

The sick require attention.

Service teaches children not only to give help, but to appreciate the help they receive.

Parents Must Model Service

Children learn service by watching their parents. They notice whether parents help others willingly or complain about every inconvenience. They notice whether parents serve in the church or only receive. They notice whether parents speak kindly of needy people or treat them as burdens. They notice whether parents help one another in the home.

If parents want serving children, they must be serving people. A father should model service by leading humbly, helping his family, serving brethren, and using strength for good. A mother should model service through wisdom, kindness, diligence, hospitality, and care for others. Both should show that service is not beneath them.

Parents should sometimes let children see the work behind service. Let them help prepare the meal for a grieving family. Let them write the card. Let them carry the groceries. Let them see that Christian love takes action.

Service Helps Fight Selfishness

Selfishness grows when children are never required to look beyond themselves. Service helps weaken selfishness by turning attention outward. It teaches children that other people matter. It teaches them that life is not measured by how much they receive. It teaches them to give, help, sacrifice, and care. Acts 20:35 records the words of Jesus: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Children need to learn this not only as a saying, but as a lived truth.

Parents can create opportunities for children to experience the joy of giving.

They can help choose something to share.

They can visit someone lonely.

They can do a quiet act of kindness.

They can give time to help another.

They can serve without expecting something back.

Over time, children can learn that joy is not found only in getting what they want. There is joy in doing good for others.

Service Points Children Toward the Gospel

The gospel itself is the greatest display of self-giving love. Jesus gave Himself for sinners. He bore suffering. He humbled Himself. He served man’s greatest need by providing the way of salvation. Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.” The mind of Christ is humble, obedient, and self-giving. Parents should teach children that service is not separate from the gospel. It flows from the heart of Christ.

Children must eventually understand that they cannot earn salvation by serving others. Good works do not put God in man’s debt, but those who belong to Christ must learn to walk in love, humility, and usefulness. Titus 2:14 says Christ gave Himself to purify for Himself “His own special people, zealous for good works.” Christians should be eager to do good. Children should be trained toward that kind of life.

Teaching Service in Everyday Life

Service is taught in ordinary moments.

It is taught when a child helps clean the table.

It is taught when he comforts a sibling.

It is taught when he carries something for an older person.

It is taught when the family visits the sick.

It is taught when parents serve without complaining.

It is taught when a child gives up his preference for someone else’s good.

It is taught when Scripture is opened and Christ’s example is shown.

Parents should not wait for large opportunities. Small acts of service prepare children for larger acts of faithfulness. The world will teach children to ask, “Who will serve me?” Parents must teach them to ask, “How can I serve?” That question can shape a child’s heart for life.

Reflection Questions

1. Am I teaching my children that service is part of following Christ, not merely being polite?

2. Do my children have regular opportunities to serve in the home, among brethren, and toward others in need?

3. Am I correcting selfishness when my children refuse to help or expect everyone to serve them?

4. Do my children see me serving others with humility, joy, and faithfulness?

5. What simple act of service can I involve my children in this week?