What Should Parents Teach Their Children About Obedience?

By Al Felder

Obedience is one of the first lessons a child must learn. Before a child understands many of life’s deeper responsibilities, he must learn to listen, submit, and do what is right. This is not merely a matter of household order. It is spiritual training. A child who learns proper obedience in the home is being prepared to understand authority, responsibility, discipline, and ultimately obedience to God.

The Bible says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). That statement is simple, but it is not small. God says obedience to parents is right. It is not just helpful, traditional, or optional when the child agrees; it is right because God says it is right.

In a world that often teaches children to resist restraint, question every boundary, and follow their own desires, parents must teach obedience clearly, patiently, and consistently.

Obedience Begins With God’s Order

God designed the home with order. Parents are not placed in the home merely to provide food, shelter, clothing, and affection. They are responsible for guiding, training, correcting, and instructing their children. Children are not placed in the home as equals in authority. They are to be loved, protected, taught, and disciplined, but they are also to obey.

Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” The reason given is important. Obedience is “well pleasing to the Lord.” That means a child’s obedience is not only about family peace. It is about pleasing God.

Parents must help children understand this. When a child obeys his father and mother, he is doing something that God approves of. When a child refuses rightful instruction, he is not merely resisting a parent; he is resisting the order God placed in the home.

That does not mean parents are perfect. It does not mean parents should be harsh, selfish, or unreasonable. God also gives instructions to fathers: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Parents must exercise authority under God’s authority, but children must still be taught that obedience matters.

Obedience Is More Than Outward Compliance

A child may obey outwardly while still resisting inwardly. He may do what he is told with anger in his heart. He may obey slowly, grudgingly, or only after arguing. He may comply because he has no other choice, while still refusing the spirit of obedience.

Parents should teach children that biblical obedience includes the heart.

This does not mean young children will always understand everything perfectly. Training takes time, but from an early age, children should learn that obedience should be respectful, prompt, and sincere. A child should not be allowed to think that arguing, eye-rolling, mocking, complaining, or delayed compliance is the same thing as obedience.

Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without complaining and disputing.” That principle belongs in the home. Children need to learn that the way they obey matters. A respectful spirit is part of submission.

Parents should correct not only open defiance but also the attitudes that lead to it. A rebellious tone, a stubborn look, a careless delay, or a habit of questioning every command may seem small at first, but these things shape the heart. Obedience should be taught as a matter of both action and attitude.

Obedience Teaches Children Self-Control

Children are not born with mature self-control. They must learn to deny impulses, wait patiently, speak respectfully, and accept correction. Obedience helps train those qualities.

When a parent says, “Stop,” a child learns restraint.

When a parent says, “Come,” a child learns to be responsive.

When a parent says, “No,” a child learns that desire is not master.

When a parent says, “Apologize,” a child learns humility.

When a parent says, “Try again,” a child learns perseverance.

Obedience teaches children that they are not ruled by every feeling or appetite. That lesson is essential for Christian living. A person who cannot deny himself will struggle to follow Christ. Jesus said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24).

Self-denial begins in small ways. A child who learns that he cannot always have what he wants is being prepared for larger spiritual battles. He is learning that feelings must be governed, words must be controlled, and actions must be brought under authority. Parents who never require obedience are not giving their children freedom. They are leaving them enslaved to impulse.

Obedience Prepares Children to Respect Authority

A child’s first experience with authority is usually in the home. If he learns to despise parental authority, he may carry that same attitude toward teachers, elders, civil authorities, employers, and God.

Romans 13:1 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God.” While this passage addresses civil authority, it teaches a broader truth: authority is not meaningless. God expects people to recognize and submit to rightful authority.

Children need to learn that authority is not the enemy. Proper authority is part of God’s order. Parents, elders, civil rulers, and other appointed roles each have boundaries and responsibilities, but the attitude of submission is something children must be trained to understand. This begins with simple obedience in the home.

A child who is allowed to constantly challenge parental instruction may later struggle to receive correction from anyone. He may see every boundary as oppression and every command as an insult. Parents should not encourage that spirit. They should teach children to respect rightful authority while also teaching them that all human authority remains under God.

Acts 5:29 says, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” That means obedience to human authority is never permission to disobey God. But it also means children must learn the difference between righteous refusal and selfish rebellion. Most childhood disobedience is not noble courage. It is simply a will that has not yet learned submission.

Obedience Requires Consistent Training

Children do not learn obedience from occasional correction. They learn through consistent training. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training requires repetition, patience, instruction, correction, example, and time.

Parents must not be surprised when children need repeated teaching. A child may need the same lesson many times before it becomes settled. That does not mean the training is failing. It means the parent must continue faithfully.

Inconsistent discipline confuses children. If disobedience is corrected one day and ignored the next, children learn to test boundaries. If a parent issues a command but does not require follow-through, the child learns that parental words may not carry much weight. If a child wins through whining, delay, or emotional pressure, he learns to use those tools again.

Jesus said, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’” (Matthew 5:37). Parents should be careful with their words. They should not make careless threats, give empty warnings, or issue commands they do not intend to enforce. Clear words and consistent follow-through help children learn that instruction matters.

Obedience is not taught by anger. It is taught by faithful, calm, firm, loving consistency.

Discipline Should Be Rooted in Love

Discipline is often misunderstood. Some see it as harshness, and others avoid it because they want children to like them. However, biblical discipline is not cruelty; it is love in action.

Hebrews 12:6 says, “For whom the LORD loves He chastens.” God’s discipline is connected to His love. A parent who disciplines rightly is not acting out of selfish irritation, but out of concern for the child’s soul and character.

Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” This verse shows that refusing correction is not kindness. A child left without discipline is not being loved.

Discipline should never be uncontrolled, abusive, or driven by rage. Parents must not punish out of anger. They must correct the child in order to train him. The goal is not merely to stop an inconvenience. The goal is to guide the child toward what is right.

Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to provoke their children to wrath. This means parents must not be unreasonable, inconsistent, hypocritical, humiliating, or harsh. A child should see that correction comes from love, not from a parent’s loss of control. Discipline should teach. It should correct wrong behavior, address the heart, and point the child back to God.

Parents Must Model Obedience

Parents cannot effectively teach obedience while living in disobedience to God.

Children notice whether parents submit to Scripture. They notice whether worship is treated seriously. They notice whether parents speak respectfully, tell the truth, keep promises, and repent when wrong. They notice whether parents obey God only when it is convenient.

If parents want obedient children, they must be obedient people.

James 1:22 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Parents must not only tell children to obey. They must show them what obedience to God looks like.

This includes admitting wrong. A parent who sins should not pretend otherwise. Children need to see humility. They need to hear sincere apologies. They need to see repentance. This does not weaken parental authority. It strengthens the lesson that everyone is accountable to God. Parents should be able to say, by word and example, “We obey because God is Lord.”

Obedience Must Lead Toward the Gospel

The goal of teaching obedience is not merely to produce well-behaved children.

A child may be polite, respectful, diligent, and disciplined, yet still need salvation. Parents must not confuse outward order with spiritual conversion. Obedience in the home should prepare the heart to understand obedience to God.

Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Love for Christ is not separated from obedience to Christ. Children must learn that faith is not mere feeling and love is not mere words. God expects obedient trust.

The gospel itself must be obeyed. Hebrews 5:9 says that Christ is “the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.” When children are old enough to understand sin, accountability, faith, repentance, confession, baptism, and faithful living, they must be taught what God requires.

Parents should not pressure children into empty religious acts, but neither should they neglect to teach them the truth. Children need to understand that obedience to parents is part of training, but obedience to God is the great responsibility of every soul.

Teaching Obedience in Everyday Life

Obedience is taught in ordinary moments.

It is taught when a child is told to put something away.

It is taught when he is corrected for disrespectful speech.

It is taught when he is required to tell the truth.

It is taught when a child must show restraint to do what is right.

It is taught when he is expected to sit reverently in worship.

It is taught when he learns to apologize, forgive, work, listen, and wait.

Parents should not despise these ordinary moments. They are part of spiritual formation. The child who learns obedience in daily life is being trained to recognize authority, to control himself, to receive correction, and to choose what is right. Obedience is not the only thing parents must teach their children, but it is one of the earliest and most foundational lessons.

A home that teaches obedience is not a home without love. It is a home where love takes responsibility seriously. It is a home where parents understand that children need guidance, not merely permission. It is a home where God’s order is respected.

Children must learn to obey not because parents are perfect, children are unimportant, or because authority should be harsh, but because God has spoken and His way is right.

Reflection Questions

1. Am I teaching my children that obedience to parents is connected to pleasing the Lord?

2. Do I correct both outward disobedience and disrespectful attitudes?

3. Am I consistent in requiring obedience, or do I allow whining, delay, or argument to change my instructions?

4. Do my children see me living in obedience to God’s word?

5. How can I make daily corrections more clearly connected to love, training, and the will of God?